


I'm Not in Love

by cuteandtwisted



Series: In Every Universe [2]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Even is desperate, Even steals kisses, Isak Has Trust Issues, Isak and Vilde are roommates, M/M, isak is in denial, their love is epic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-17 23:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9351218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuteandtwisted/pseuds/cuteandtwisted
Summary: Isak was not in love. Nope. Not even close.Or: Even never transferred to Nissen in his third year, so they meet in college instead.Uni AU in which Isak doesn’t believe in love but Even Bech Næsheim won’t stop kissing him.





	1. Hello

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [I'm Not in Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11923314) by [Htuiba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Htuiba/pseuds/Htuiba)
  * Translation into Français available: [I'm Not in Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731133) by [alcaline (aliixce)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliixce/pseuds/alcaline)



> Hi. Uni AU. This chapter introduces the universe and the characters.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

“Did you need tissues, too?”

The first time Isak locked eyes with Even Bech Næsheim, the older boy had just emptied a paper towel dispenser in the bathroom. Isak stood there, curious but mostly wondering ‘What on earth?’

The tall blond then casually picked up a tissue that looked somewhat untouched from the bin and handed it to Isak. He was about to take it when his phone started ringing.

It was _Vilde._

“Isak, can you buy me some tampons on your way home? Please, please, please. I’ll let you have my cereals, please,” she begged on the other side of the line.

“What the fuck, Vilde? I am NOT buying you tampons!”

.

Isak left the bathroom without washing his hands that day. And he only brought up the odd boy with the paper towels about three or four times at parties when it was time to share random stories and entertain everybody. Isak didn’t even remember what the boy looked like other than he was tall. And sure, he made their encounter sound more bizarre in his stories than it actually was. But it was his first semester at the University of Oslo, and the more bizarre his stories were, the more friends he made.

.

Alright. It was kind of fake but Isak didn’t really mind. As cliche as it sounded, he had long given up on genuine interactions. He still kept his friends from highschool of course, and most of them had ended up right there with him at the University of Oslo. But everything was constantly changing, and he could no longer spend most of his days around Jonas and the boys. They were in different programs, took different classes in different buildings, and had different schedules. It was frustrating at first, but Isak got used to it.

His most peculiar relationship was by far with Vilde. He couldn’t quite remember how they had decided to become roommates, but he soon found himself hosting ‘Girls Night’ and ‘Cheese and Wine Night’. Actually, Vilde did the hosting and he did the complaining, locking himself in his room and googling for a new place to live.

But Vilde was surprisingly good to him. She never asked questions that one time he brought a random boy back home, and she didn’t mind that he locked himself up in his room most of the time.

In return, Isak bought her tampons once, and dragged her passed out body out of four or five parties.  

.

“Isak, why do you hate love?” she asked him once, pressed against him in a taxi as he held onto her heels and her bag.

“What the fuck, Vilde?”

“Why are you always so cynical? Why don’t you want to be in a relationship?”

Drunk Vilde was always interesting. But while she tended to be clueless and insensitive, she rarely had deep inquiries. Isak still appreciated the gender neutrality in her question.

.

He never answered because she dozed off right then and there. But the truth was that Isak didn’t hate love. Isak loved love. He wanted to be loved so badly. He wanted to hold and to be held. He wanted to feel something, anything. He wanted it so badly that he desperately locked eyes with every stranger in the streets, his gaze screaming ‘love me, please love me’. But nobody ever came close to holding his interest. And whenever someone stared back, he looked down and speed-walked away.

Isak had harbored crushes. But he never  _dared to love_ anyone, too convinced he would just end up losing sight of himself.

.

Isak couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he became so cynical and detached. He couldn’t tell when sarcasm turned into a defense mechanism, when he started shutting everybody out. His last honest conversation was probably three years prior, on that forsaken bench with Eva. And even that wasn’t honest.

Isak didn’t realize it back then, but his parents’ separation had taken a toll on him. No, it had _fucked him up_ . And slowly, walls started going up around him. He became unreachable, a shell version of the happy boy he used to be. His attraction to boys wasn’t helping things either. Isak was … _empty_.

“I feel so empty,” he admitted to Vilde a few nights later over leftover wine from her Girls’ Night.

“Why don’t you call that guy from the other day?” she suggested very carefully.

“Fuck him. He got so weird on me. Wanted to hold my hand and kiss me in public. Can you believe?” Isak was so drunk. So so drunk. Never in a million years would he blurt out such things to Vilde, of all people.

“That means he likes you, no?” She was so careful.

“I don’t care. Besides, he kind of hates me now. Whatever. Fuck him.” Isak passed out not too long after, and when he woke up the next morning, he swore off alcohol.

.

Isak had met the guy in question at a party the second weekend of the semester. He had tanned skin, big brown eyes, and had dragged him to a small staircase where they made out for what felt like hours. Isak liked the kissing and the teasing and the touching, so he took him back home. They did nothing but get each other off, but it was enough for Isak to have an existential crisis the next day.

He shut him off, didn’t take his calls, and didn’t read his texts. And when he ran into him by the library four days later and the tanned boy tried to peck him on the lips, Isak all but shoved him hard in the chest.

“I don’t want this. It was just a hookup. Please leave me alone.”

“Do you even have feelings?” the boy eventually bit back.

.

_I don’t know. Do I?_

* * *

 

When a tall boy pulled the chair next to Isak’s at the beginning of bio class that Wednesday morning, he didn’t react much to it. He was on his phone texting Mahdi about this new song that had just dropped.

“Hello.”

Isak looked up, a bit startled by how deep his voice was.

“Uh. Hi,” he replied.

The tall boy was in his class. Isak had seen him a few times but never actually took the time to register his face. His hair was ridiculous and his smile. Well, his smile was very nice to look at.

Isak’s phone buzzed again, so he looked down and started typing a reply. He quickly stole a glance, and the boy was still looking at him, chuckling.

“Nice conversation,” the taller boy joked. Isak offered him a polite smile and went back to his phone.

“I’m Even,” the boy finally said, extending his right hand.

“Uh. Isak,” he replied hesitantly.

They shook hands while maintaining eye contact, and it was just bizarre. Isak was confused and he didn’t even try to hide it.  _Why was this guy talking to him?_

“How do you like Elementary Biology so far, Isak?”

“Uhm. It’s my major so it would be kind of sad if I didn’t enjoy this class,” he replied.

“Bioscience major? Why would you do that to yourself?”  

“I’m afraid we haven’t reached that point in our relationship for me to start explaining my shitty life choices,” Isak retorted, and quickly hoped he hadn’t come off as rude. Instead, the boy just laughed, causing something inside Isak’s chest to stir a bit. He was beautiful.

“Well, I’m a media and film major and I don’t understand jack shit in this class,” Even admitted.

“Why would a media major take Elementary Biology?”

“We haven’t reached that point in our relationship for me to start explaining my shitty life choices, Isak.”

“Wow, word for word. I’m impressed,” huffed Isak, earning him another smile from Even. 

The other boy was about to respond when the professor showed up to class. He waved Isak goodbye and quickly made his way to his friends several seats away.

Isak waved back then felt weird. Had that boy just approached him to chat? How random.  

.

Isak felt a little embarrassed searching for ‘Even’ on social media, but he literally couldn’t think about anything else that night. He was in the cafeteria with Jonas when he realized that Even and the paper towel guy were the same person. He laughed so hard, he almost fell off his chair.

His stalking efforts weren’t very fruitful, and he quickly shoved his phone away when he realized how ridiculous he was being.

.

His full name was Even Bech Næsheim, courtesy of Jonas’ new roommate: Jakob.

Isak was sitting on a bench with Jonas and Jakob, when the tall boy walked past them in a group of people. Isak let himself stare for a moment before realizing that Even had just waved in his direction. Isak waved back, rather sheepishly. He was kind of flustered and had to make efforts to hide it.

When Even was out of sight, Jakob casually asked, “since when are you friends with Even Bech Næsheim?”

“Even who? That guy? He’s in my bio class. Why?”

“He’s a legend! He’s the guy who broke into the swimming pool last year and responded with ‘ _because I felt like swimming’_ when he got caught. Fucking hilarious!” Jakob seemed to know everything about everyone.

“Uh, okay.”

“The first year girls are all dying to nail him. Lucky bastard,” Jakob continued. “You’re a first year, too. Go for it, baby boy.”

“Fuck off, Jakob!” said Isak and Jonas at the same time.

.

The thing about Jakob was that Isak kind of hated him. He hated that he was always around Jonas and how he reminded him of Elias. Isak never talked to Jakob about his sexual preferences, but the other boy had decided that he was into guys the very first time they met. The other thing about Jakob was that he was attractive, smart, and as straight as they came. Isak hated him, but sometimes he stared when he wasn't looking. 

.

When he went back home, Isak did some more shameless stalking. He quickly found Even’s instagram account, and it only had three pictures each with over six hundred likes. The first picture was of his face. He was smiling and holding a barbie doll. The other two pictures were doodles. They were quite funny and Isak almost pressed the like button.

After some more stalking, Isak decided that Even was a funny and cool guy. He could also see from the very little that was available on him that he was popular, and that they belonged in very different worlds.

He sighed and wished Even the very best in life in his head.

_What am I even doing right now?_

. 

So when @even_b_naesheim commented with ‘ **hope you washed your hands this time haha** ’ on his latest instagram picture featuring Magnus and himself striking a ridiculous pose in the bathroom, Isak all but fell off his bed.


	2. Ouch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even talk some more.  
> Vilde makes a powerpoint.  
> Even does a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy flirting alert.

“You’re good at this stuff, right?”

“What?” Isak looked up and was met with very blue eyes. _Even._

Isak was always early to that specific lecture, and there was no particular reason for it. The break between his two classes simply wasn’t long enough for him to go back to the flat, and everybody he usually hung out with was busy.

Isak showed up to class fifteen minutes early that day, and stared out the window. He held up his thumb, closed one eye, and masked the sun with it. He listened to one of those songs he didn’t dare to play around his friends, and let himself feel something, anything. When people started showing up, he resorted to playing games on his phone and pretending to text someone.

So when Even’s voice pulled him out of an intense Super Mario game, he just stared at him, confused.

.

“This class, I mean. You’re good at biology, right?” Even took a seat next to him.

“Uhm. I assume,” said Isak, putting his phone away.

“Do you think you could lend me your notes from the first couple of weeks?”

Interesting. Isak had imagined their second conversation a million times in his head, but it never went like this.

The thing was that Isak never replied to Even’s comment on instagram. He didn’t know how to play it cool, so he just left it there, checking every ten minutes to see if the other boy had deleted it. But it stayed right there under his picture, staring him in the eyes.

And while Isak paid attention in class, he never took notes.

“Uhm. I don’t really take notes. Sorry.” He hoped it sounded honest.

“Ouch,” replied Even with a hand on his chest, where his heart was supposed to be.

“Huh?”

Even laughed.

“I just realized I probably sound like that guy who bugs the smart girl for her notes but really just wants to get in her pants.”

Isak’s eyes widened. _Stay calm. He’s teasing._

“Ha. You’re going a bit too fast for me, Even,” he managed, earning another glorious laugh from the taller boy.

“I guess I really want to unlock that stage in our relationship where you justify your shitty life choices, Isak.” Alright, this boy had game. “Like getting drunk off wine and falling asleep in the shower. Really?”

 _Fucking Vilde._ She had tagged him in an unflattering picture of him passed out in the bathtub with the caption “ **Isak: 0** - **Wine: 1** ”.

“I see that you’ve been stalking,” said Isak, incredibly thankful for his poker face and his ability to hide the fact that he was dying inside.

“Yes, I find Vilde very charming. Think you can introduce us?” Even shot up his eyebrows and smiled. Suddenly Isak needed a bathroom break.

“If you think I would set up my lovely roommate with some player dude, you’re wrong.” Isak was smiling but he was also kind of serious.

“Some player dude? Who said anything about setting us up? I just want to know if she has more embarrassing pictures of you,” Even shot back with another blinding smile. He had an elbow on the table and rested his chin on his knuckles.

Alright. This guy had lots of game. Isak wanted to scream because he had never been approached so adamantly.

“What do you need pictures of me for?”

“Maybe I can blackmail you into giving me your notes.” Even leaned back and crossed his arms together. “No really, I’m desperate. I missed the first two weeks of class and I’ve been told you’re super smart.”

“I honestly don’t take notes. I wasn’t rejecting you or whatever. Really.” Isak went for his most honest voice.

“I believe you. Don’t worry.” Even stood up, gathered his things, smiled and waved goodbye again.

Isak was somewhat disappointed. He wanted to say something that wasn’t witty and sarcastic, but he couldn’t come up with anything. Even looked like he really needed notes, and the midterm exam was coming up. He must have looked like a mean schoolgirl holding onto her homework, and perhaps he hadn’t sounded convincing enough. Isak imagined that Even wouldn’t be talking to him again anytime soon, but then the tall boy turned around on his way to his usual seat.

“Isak?”

“Uh, yes?”

“You look so fucking hot today.”

_Fuck._

A few people around them started laughing and Isak’s face was properly flushed.

“Thanks man. I put on some extra effort for Professor Eriksen.”

.

And soon it became a thing. The teasing. The flirting. The banter. Isak and Even. Even and Isak. The taller boy would always comment on his outfit, or his snapback, or his hair, always his hair.

“Nice curls you got going on today, Isak.”

“Go ruin someone else's day, Even.”

“Ouch.”

The thing was that Isak loved it. He loved the attention. He loved how they had established a routine, how Even started showing up fifteen minutes earlier to class just to tease him and watch him roll his eyes. He loved it.

He also liked how Even never pushed it further and always backed out when he felt that Isak was getting uncomfortable. They had a good ‘will-they-won’t-they’ dynamic and Isak wanted it to stay that way, mostly because of what he had heard about the second year boy.

.

“I heard he has a girlfriend,” told him Noora one day.

He was walking her and Sana to his flat for a “Book Club Night” Vilde was hosting, when Even walked past them and blew Isak a kiss.

“What was that? Was that Even Bech Naesheim? Did he just blow you a kiss, Noora?” asked Sana.

“I think it was for Isak?” Noora guessed.

“Uh, yeah, he’s in my class,” Isak admitted, unbothered.

“What class is that?” asked Sana.

“Elementary biology. Why?”

“Why would a second year Media major take a first year Bioscience class?”

“How would I know, Sana?”

“He just blew you a kiss. I assumed you were _close_.”

“No, he just does that sometimes to get to me,” shrugs Isak.

“I didn’t peg him as the asshole type,” said Noora.

“No, he’s actually a nice dude, just tends to flirt a lot.” Why was Isak defending him.

“Well, he doesn’t sound very nice to me, considering he supposedly has a girlfriend,” she replied.

Isak’s heart did a thing, a thing that he didn’t want to think about.

“Where did you hear that?” He tried to keep a disinterested tone in his voice.

“It was in Vilde’s powerpoint from Girls Night like three weeks ago or something,” said Sana.

“Vilde’s what?”

“Vilde compiled a list of boys to stay away from and stuff for first year girls,” she clarified.

“What the fuck?” Vilde would never cease to surprise Isak.

.

Isak never asked Even about it and never tried to confirm Vilde’s intel because he didn’t care. Alright, he did care a little bit. But he had been consciously avoiding drama for years now, and he wasn’t about to stop. So he just went with the flow. He attended classes, did his school work, entertained people in social gatherings, questioned his existence in the dead of the night, yelled at Vilde, shot sarcastic comments at Even, rolled his eyes, and ignored his chest clenching whenever the older boy threw his head back and laughed.

_Fuck this._

.

Isak had actually tried to avoid the older boy after learning about his presumed relationship status, but he failed. He failed quite hard, because not only did the comments and the flirting continue, but there was touching involved now as well.

The first time Even pulled Isak onto his lap, they were at the Botanisk Museum on a field trip for Elementary Biology. It was a cloudy November day and it had rained in the morning. When they split into groups and Isak didn’t end up in the same one as Even, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed at first. But it was probably for the better if he was going to pay attention to what the assistant professor was saying.

Even found him a few hours later in the gardens when they were told they were free to explore by themselves.

“Hello,” he said in his ridiculous deep voice.

“Hi there,” responded Isak, trying to hide his smile.  

“Enjoying the plants?”

“Hmm. I’d rather be in a boring ass lecture right now. My legs are killing me.” They had been walking around for hours. He wanted to sit down but the benches were still soaked.

“Sit, then,” said Even pointing to the bench right in front of them.

“Uhm, don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s still wet from the rain earlier.”  

“Details,” huffed Even before sitting down on the damp bench.

“Your behind is going to look interesting when you get up,” was all Isak could manage.

“If that’s what it takes to get you to check me out.” Even was ridiculous, so he told him.

“You’re fucking ridiculous.”

But then Even’s hand curled around his wrist and pulled him onto his lap.

“What the fuck.”

Isak tried to get up but Even then wrapped his arms around him, keeping him pinned to his legs.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Isak’s voice didn’t sound as firm as he wanted it to be.

“You said your legs were sore. I'm gonna look like I peed myself when I get up. And it's all for you. Just sit down for a minute,” Even whispered into his hair.

 _All for me._ Isak felt ridiculous but stayed on his lap for a good thirty seconds. It felt good to be held like that, and surprisingly, it wasn't awkward at all. He couldn't recall the last time someone had held him. Even's grip was strong and he was hugging his stomach and snuggling against his back. It felt nice and Isak felt almost relaxed. But then Even spoke again.

“You smell nice.”

“Alright, that’s it. Break is over.” Isak shook him off quickly and power-walked to the building, his hands shaking at his sides.

.

Later on, he found out that the legend of Even Bech Næsheim was out of the boy’s own control.

He was walking home with Vilde, carrying groceries as she filled him in on all the gossip he had missed out on.

“Vilde. I honestly don’t give a shit.”

“You’re so fucking rude, Isak. You have to be aware of this stuff so that you don’t look socially inept at the party this weekend. This is for you.”

Vilde was throwing an “Ugly Christmas Sweater Party” at their place the following week, almost a month before Christmas. Isak cringed at the mere thought and already begged Jonas to take him out that day.

“Oh, did you hear that rumor about Even Bech Næsheim nearly fucking some guy on a bench at the Botanisk museum? That guy is insane! No wonder people think he's a legend. Sana said you guys were close.”

_What in the world? We never did that!_

“WHAT?” Isak actually yelled.

.

Isak saw Even every day after that, at the cafeteria, in the hallways, in the student village, at the grocery store, in class. _Everywhere_ , even in front of his building. Actually, Even's building wasn't that far from his, but still.

He always greeted him with nothing but adoration.

_Lovely seeing you, Isak._

_I see you everywhere these days._

_I'm starting to think we're meant to be._

_Cherry wine is definitely your color._

So when he locked eyes with Even on the last day of classes from where he stood with Vilde in front of his apartment building, he knew that the older boy was going to make his face flush again. 

"Isak!" He waved from across the street. He was with three other boys and two girls. 

Isak had pulled an all-nighter the previous night to help Jonas and Jakob with their physics project, so he barely had enough energy to wave back at Even.  

"We meet again! What is this? Are you stalking me?" Even was still yelling from the other side of the road. 

Isak was too tired to yell back, so he just offered him his most honest smile and turned his attention to Vilde who had just asked five questions in the span of twenty seconds.

But then Even was shoving his backpack into one of his friend's hands and crossing the street with fire in his eyes. 

Before Isak could understand why the other boy was walking towards him in such big strides, Even was in his face, his soft hands on his cheeks, his chapped lips on his own. It wasn't an open-mouthed kiss, but it wasn't a chaste one either. Even kissed him deep and hard, his fingers in the younger boy's hair. Then he quickly pulled back before Isak could even close his eyes or move an inch. 

"Gosh. You're so fucking cute!" Even said while his blue eyes stared into his soul. 

Then he licked his lips and kissed him again, this time very tenderly, gently stroking his cheeks. Isak could feel his toes curl in his freaking Nike shoes.

When he pulled back, Isak had no words. But Even had a few.

"Will. you. just. go. out. with. me. already?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh well. Here goes nothing.
> 
> Thank you for your lovely comments on the first chapter <33333
> 
> Stay tuned for more and let me know what you think.  
> xo


	3. Forgive me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is still not in love.  
> Vilde adds Isak to a groupchat and investigates.  
> Isak gets a text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments <33333  
> Hope you enjoy this.

**Original bad bitches**

13:23

Vilde: OH MY GOD EVEN BECH NÆSHEIM JUST KISSED ISAK IN FRONT OF OUR FLAT

Noora: What?

Vilde: TWICE!!

Eva: KLFSJKSJKFSSJKDJSDDKJHKASJLKAS

Sana: I knew it.

Vilde: I was screamiinggg

Noora: Why would he do that? Are they hooking up?

Vilde: no but he asked him out like

Vilde: in front of all his friends and

Eva: kKPAPOQKmkaskssa,kdskds

Vilde: isak was in shock it was sO FUNNY AND CUTE

Sana: I knew it.

Eva: OH MY OFD

Noora: That makes no sense.

Eva: ISAK IS SO WHIPPED he almoST Died the other day when jonas and jakob started talking about even

Sana: Wait. Isn’t Isak in this groupchat, too?

Yes sana i’m in this fucking groupchat too

.

Isak was sprawled on the floor next to his bed when Vilde knocked on his door.

“Isak? I’m sorry. I just got a little bit excited.”

“Whatever,” huffed Isak.

Vilde had added him to the “original bad bitches” groupchat, which was originally their russbus chat, to arrange details for Jonas’ surprise birthday party a couple of weeks from now.

_“Vilde, I’m not staying in a groupchat called the original bad bitches.”_

_“We won’t change the name for you. This is for Jonas. You can leave after the party.”_

_“You can just create a new groupchat and call it ‘Jonas’ birthday party’.”_

_“We’ve already talked about the theme and decorations in ‘Original bad bitches’, just scroll up. I don’t want to copy paste.”_

_“Why do I even need to know about the theme and decorations?”_

He put the groupchat on mute but he stayed.

.

“And by the way, I’m not fucking whipped!” declared Isak.

“Isak, you’ve been lying on the floor for two hours.”

“So what?”

“Nothing, I just. Noora said that maybe he wants to use you for sex,” she said very casually.

“What the fuck, Vilde. Please leave.”

“Sana thinks it might be a bet. Like maybe someone dared him to do it, I don’t know. I was there and he looked pretty honest to me. But he’s famous for being a little crazy.”

“Vilde, can you please stop talking about me behind my back?”

“We’re not talking behind your back. It’s right there in the groupchat.”

“Fuck this.” Isak got up and went to the kitchen.

.

Isak couldn’t eat. He kept replaying that kiss in his head, wishing he had done something different, like maybe pushed him, or shoved him, or kissed him back.

_"Will. you. just. go. out. with. me. already?" Even had the biggest, most ridiculous smile on his face._

_“Uhm. I haven’t been sleeping much lately, so I’ll get back to you after a nap or two,” Isak managed._

_“Is that a yes?”_

_“No.” Then Isak turned around and ran into his building before he could burst into flames. Vilde was still screaming when she reached the flat._

.

“I can’t eat,” he admitted to Vilde who was tiptoeing around him.

“Sounds like love to me.”

“I’M NOT IN LOVE! What the fuck.”

.

Isak couldn’t sleep that night either. This Even guy had managed to surprise him in every way possible. He never knew what he would do next, and he never knew whether he meant any of the things he did. _Kissing me in public? What the fuck? The nerve. What the hell?_

But deep down, Isak hoped Even would reach out again, maybe comment on his instagram again, maybe text him. Then Isak realized that he didn’t even have his phone number and that they weren’t friends on facebook.

Isak waited for a friend request but nothing came. Isak didn’t sleep a wink that night.

.

After two days of radio silence, Isak decided that Even Bech Næsheim was an asshole and that he had to focus on his final exams. So he drowned himself in books and equations and biology, and mostly hung out with Jonas and Jakob.

“What’s my pretty boy up to today?” Jakob was so annoying.

“Fuck off, Jakob!” said Jonas.

“Alright, alright. I heard you followed my advice and hooked up with Bech Næsheim. You’re a proper legend now, Isak.”

“Whatever.” Isak’s blood was boiling. He really wanted to punch Jakob.

“Promise me you’ll still be my friend when you rise in popularity,” Jakob added.

“Fuck off. I’m not doing anything with Even. It was just a dumb thing and someone probably dared him to do it. I don’t care,” Isak bit back.

“Why do you think that someone dared him to do it?” Jonas finally looked up from his books.

“I don’t know. He has a girlfriend or something,” shrugged Isak.

“Well, if he has one, I’ve never seen her,” said Jakob.

“Not the point. I heard he flirts with lots of girls, too. Doesn’t mean anything.”

“Isak! He can be into girls AND boys, you know? Some people swing both ways. Stop being so close minded.” Isak never thought Jakob could surprise him.

“Not my point.”

“What’s your point then?” Jakob wasn’t letting this go.

“My point is that I’m not interested in whatever this is, okay? Just fuck off. Can we go back to studying and doing manly things like not talking about Even Bech Næsheim?” Isak all but yelled. Jonas gave Jakob a look, and he dropped it.

_Manly things. What the fuck._

.

Isak didn’t hear from Even that entire week, and when he realized he wasn’t there to take the final exam in Elementary Biology, he started to worry a little. The final counted for 100% of their grade, and Even had put an effort in his midterm take-home exam even if it didn’t count. _Did something happen to him?_

Isak wanted to find out but he couldn’t without asking people around him. Everyone was already convinced that he was _in love_ with the older boy, so he refrained from doing that. But it slowly became an all too consuming thought. He just wanted to know if he was okay.

* * *

**  
Vilde Hellerud Lien**

17:58

vilde?

yea?

heard anything about Even lately?

no?

why?

nothing. he just missed his final exam

want me to find out?

Nah. forget it

<3

 

* * *

 

Isak shoved his phone away and hated the fact that he cared at all. _It was just a kiss. Don’t be stupid._

 

* * *

 

**Vilde Hellerud Lien**

20:32

I heard he missed his other finals too

Takk

<3

w h i p p e d

fuck off

* * *

 

Isak was properly worried now, so he put his pride aside and sent Even a friend request on facebook. He jumped whenever his phone buzzed but it was never the notification he was looking for.

Two weeks had passed after the kiss when he saw Even again. Isak was wearing sweats and getting Vilde tampons at the convenience store. Even was buying cigarettes and he looked lovely as ever. He was dressed formally and his hair looked perfect.

Isak nearly had a heart attack. _Where were you? I thought you were dead! What the fuck?_

Instead he said nothing and waited for the taller boy to approach him. He expected him to comment on his sweatpants or his hair or anything really. Instead Even just blurted out, “Forgive me.”

“What? For what?” Isak was surprised.

“For that stunt the other day, it was rude of me to kiss you like that without your permission and in public. I’m sorry. I can’t control the shit I do sometimes.” Even had never been that serious before.

“Uh. It’s okay. I didn’t, uh. I wasn’t upset. Just don’t do it again.” Isak was slightly disappointed, but he hoped his last comment would bring back the teasing. It didn’t.

“I won’t,” said Even very earnestly. He was way too intense. Isak barely recognized the flirty boy who had made him blush for months.

“Uh. You missed the final exam, what happened?” Isak asked, very carefully.

“I’ll take it after the break. I have a medical excuse.”

“What? Are you hurt?” Isak couldn’t conceal the worry in his voice. Even chuckled, _finally._

“You’re cute.” Isak blushed again. “No, I’m fine. Don’t worry.” He offered Isak an earnest smile and was about to walk away when the younger boy spoke again.

“Uh. I made some flashcards when I was studying for the final. I could. I could give them to you.” Isak was so nervous. It was ridiculous.

Even stopped in his tracks.

“That would be very nice. Thank you, Isak.” He smiled again. Isak was melting, forgetting all the frustration and anger and worry he had caused him.

“I don’t have your phone number, by the way. Here’s mine,” Even added while reciting random numbers.

They exchanged numbers and Isak couldn’t help but ask.

“You look nice. Going somewhere?”

“Yeah. Dinner,” replied Even.

“Uh. Have fun with whoever it is, then,” managed Isak.

“It’s a ‘she’. The most wonderful lady on earth.”

_Fuck you. Fuck you, you fucking fuck._

“Cool. See you.” Isak stormed out of the convenience store without buying the tampons and he was so angry, he wanted to punch something.

“Where are my tampons?” cried Vilde.

“Keep your fucking cereals!” he slammed the door and let himself sulk like a teenager.

.

A few hours later, he was scrolling down his instagram feed when his eyes stopped on a lovely woman in her forties or fifties, wearing a green dress, her elbows propped on a restaurant table, smiling at the camera. The caption read:

 **@even_b_naesheim** The most wonderful lady on earth <3.

And the top comment was “Aw. Your mom is so beautiful.”

.

_Ugh. fuck my life._

So when Isak got the notification “Even Bech Næsheim accepted your friend request”, he bursted out laughing. He sat up, went back to the older boy’s instagram, and pressed the like button like his life depended on it.   

He was on his way back to buy Vilde her freaking tampons before the convenience store closed, when he got a text.

.

**Even Elementary Biology**

(22:22) ❤️

(22:22) missed u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments make my day and make me want to update faster.  
> I'm so happy that my writing makes some of you smile.  
> <3


	4. Feeling better?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the holidays.  
> Isak feels things. Lots of things.  
> Even does things. Lots of things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one. I got carried away. I love writing this universe so much.

* * *

 

**Even Elementary Biology**

(21:21) Merry Christmas, Isak ❄️

(21:23) merry christmas to you too!

(21:23) Were you a good boy this year?

(21:23) bye Even

(21:24) Kidding haha

(21:25) Got drunk off mommy’s wine yet?

(21:33) Isak?

(21:34) no i’m spending christmas in my flat

(21:34) Alone?

(21:35) yeah

(21:35) Why??

(21:36) we’re not that close Even

(21:36) ouch

* * *

Isak flopped over on his stomach and went back to watching Narcos on Netflix. It was Christmas, and Isak felt so lonely that he started missing Vilde’s presence in the flat. She baked him things before leaving but he didn’t feel like eating.

He tried forgetting the guilt settling in his chest by immersing himself in Escobar’s life in the 80s. He tried getting attached to characters to forget a bit about his own inner turmoil, but he was failing.

The thing was that the holidays were the worst time for Isak. He was alone and bitter and cold. He had been avoiding his parents for a while now, and he was getting used to it. But he felt especially guilty and awful during Christmas time. He knew how much it meant to his mother, but he just couldn’t face her.

He said some pretty terrible things to her the last time he had seen her and he usually deleted the entire thread whenever he received messages from her, not even reading them. He didn’t block her number, because although the messages made him want to curl into a ball and scream, they still indicated that she was there and alive somewhere.

He knew that his father spent Christmas with her, so he never bothered showing up or answering any of their messages. And while his dad never sent him bible verses, Isak resented him even more. _How could you leave her? How could you leave me?_

Isak was an ungrateful little brat and he knew it. But he just couldn’t drag himself back to that house.

He couldn’t. Not when the day he left was the last time he had ever cried.

.

So when Even mentioned ‘mommy’s wine’, his chest did a thing.

_Ha. If you only knew._

And when his phone vibrated with an incoming call from ‘Even Elementary Biology’, it was his heart’s turn to do the thing. _What the fuck._

“Hello?” Isak sat up on his bed and hoped his voice didn’t sound like he hadn’t spoken to anyone in at least two days.

“Isak?”

“Yes?” Isak was nervous. It was their first time speaking on the phone.

“Did I upset you? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed that you were spending Christmas at home.”

It was silly but Isak wanted to go back and read their texts. He didn’t think his replies showed that he was upset, at least not enough for Even to understand that he wasn’t in good terms with whatever _home_ was.

“Nah. I’m not upset. You didn’t have to call,” he replied sincerely.

“Can I come over?” asked Even.

“What?”

“Can I stop by? I just want to see you.”

“Even, it’s Christmas.”

“Whatever, my folks are almost passed out on the couch.”

“Uhm.”

“I won’t stay too long. We’ll just talk outside,” Even insisted.

“Uh. Okay..” was all Isak could manage.

Ten minutes later, Even texted him to come down. Isak didn’t actually think he would show up, so he didn’t bother changing out of his sweatpants. He put on a light jacket and went down to meet him.

It was snowing hard and Even looked like an actual angel. He was wearing what Isak guessed was around two thousand layers and a huge puffy jacket. His hands were in his pockets, his cheeks were colored pink, and his smile was blinding.

“Hello,” said Even, pretty much in Isak’s face.

“Hi.”

“Merry Christmas, Isak.” His voice was so soft.

“Uh, thanks. You, too.” Isak couldn’t look him in the eyes for some reason.

“How are you?” asked Even. He sounded almost concerned.

“I’m fine. What about you?” Isak was still avoiding his gaze, but he could feel its intensity.

“I’m feeling better,” answered Even honestly, causing Isak to look up.

“What happened these last three weeks, Even? Where were you?” Isak couldn’t hide the worry in his voice, and he honestly didn’t want to.

“We’re not that close, Isak,” teased Even.

“Ouch.” Isak smiled.

“You’re smiling. I like this look on you,” said Even, earning himself an eyeroll. Isak was actually dying inside.

“Isak, can I hug you?”

_What the hell._

“What?” Isak was confused.

“Can. I. Hug. You?” Even repeated.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? It’s Christmas and it’s snowing and I want to hug you. Can I do that?”

Isak’s chest was suddenly heaving. He was so lonely and this boy, this lovely strange boy wanted to hug him. So he just looked at Even and nodded.

Even started unzipping his puffer jacket and Isak’s mind went ‘ _what the fuck what the fuck’_. But before the younger boy could voice any of his concerns, Even leaned forward and pressed Isak against his chest, enveloping him in his jacket and wrapping his arms around his back right below his shoulder blades.

Isak was overwhelmed by the warmth of Even’s body and by his scent. He stood there, shielded from the world in the taller boy’s jacket, forehead pressed against his cheek. His breathing was erratic and he didn’t know what to do with his arms.

“Breathe, Isak. Just breathe,” Even whispered in his hair.

 _Fuck._ Isak wanted to suddenly cry.

So he brought his arms up and hugged Even’s back beneath his jacket. He hugged him so hard, that he almost made the older boy lose his balance. He pressed so hard that he could feel their hearts beating against one another. Isak closed his eyes, and breathed in Even’s neck, and pressed his fingers against his back. He hoped the taller boy could feel it despite the million layers he was wearing. Even tightened his grip and pressed a kiss into his hair.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

They stood there wrapped in each other’s arms until Isak’s chest stopped rising and falling erratically. They stood there until Isak no longer felt like crying. And when he slowly disentangled himself from Even’s grip, the taller boy was staring at him with parted lips.

_Fuck._

He looked down and readjusted his clothes. _What had just happened._

“Feeling better?” asked Even.

“Uh, yeah, yes. Thanks.” Isak stuttered.

“Anytime.” And with that Even was suddenly out of his personal space with a smile on his face.

“I’m gonna go before my mother starts a search party,” added Even. “It was nice seeing you, Isak.” He brought a hand to the younger boy’s cheek and let his thumb brush against his cheekbone for a second before pulling back again.

Isak had no words as he watched Even walk backwards while keeping his eyes on his. His heart was beating erratically, and Isak wanted nothing more but to run towards him and kiss him right there under the snow until neither of them could breathe.

Instead, he just watched his silhouette disappear into the dark.

* * *

**Even Elementary Biology**

(23:23) The greatest thing, you'll ever learn,

(23:23) Is just to love, and be loved in return.

* * *

The good thing about the break was that Magnus and Mahdi were back in town. Magnus was in the Veterinary Medicine program at the Norwegian University of Life Science right outside Oslo, and Mahdi was majoring in Civil and Transport Engineering at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology in Trondheim.

Having the boys back in town and listening to Magnus’ silly stories about failed attempts at hooking up was a nice change from the _Even Even Even_ song constantly playing in Isak’s mind. It was also nice because they didn’t know who Even was and were the only people he knew who didn’t pester him about it.

So Isak laughed, listened to rap songs, sang along, played Fifa, listened to the boys talk about girls, and died laughing when Vilde came home and saw Magnus on the couch. Magnus had desperately pursued Vilde throughout their three years at Nissen, and when she finally started showing interest, he announced that he was going to a university out of town. Vilde never forgave him but she still invited him to the New Year’s Eve party they were throwing in Eva’s mother’s house.

.

Isak stared at his phone and wondered if he should invite Even. It was risky and he could already picture Vilde and Eva screaming the entire time. But he felt like it would be rude not to. So he did. He could have added him on the invite on Facebook, but he was sure Vilde would get a notification.

* * *

 

**Even Elementary Biology**

(15:28)

 

Hei Even. My friend eva is throwing a party for new years

and she said to invite people so you can come if you want

You can also bring your friends if you want

Hi, Isak! Ouch, i already promised my girl i’d show up to another party :(

ok

I meant my ex-girl. We broke up a long time ago but we’re still good friends

ok

Are you jealous?

Bye Even

Sounds like jealousy to me

I bet you just rolled your eyes right now

Thank you for inviting me. I would have loved to come.

Can’t ditch the Elvebakken crew though

You went to bakka?

Yeah. Almost transferred to Nissen in my 3rd year

What

Would have met 17-year-old Isak

Dying just thinking about it

Shut up

Why did you almost transfer

We’re not close enough, Isak

Fuck you

I wish :(

Ugh bye

Did you like the song?

What song?

I sent you song lyrics last time

didn’t realize they were lyrics

You thought i just pulled an eden ahbez?

Who?

You need music education Isak

Go listen to Nature Boy

Trust me

* * *

Isak didn’t answer Even’s text, but quickly put on his headphones and looked for ‘eden ahbez nature boy’ on youtube. He clicked on the first video and watched himself sink into the couch as some unknown man sang the lyrics Even had sent him with no background music.

_There was a boy_

_A very strange enchanted boy_

Isak closed his eyes, wondering if Even could see how hollow he was inside, how he longed to be whole again.

_A little shy and sad of eye_

_But very wise was he_

_Then he said to me_

_The greatest thing you’ll ever learn_

_Is to love and be loved in return_

.

Isak ended up finding an acoustic version of the same song by Aurora, and he had it on loop until Magnus recognized it as that song from the Alien Covenant trailer.

_Ha. He now had something film related to impress Even with. Ha._

Isak eventually realized how silly he was being and dropped it.

.

It was New Year’s Eve, and Isak was wearing his nicest shirt and his nicest pants and his nicest shoes. Everybody he had ever cared about in high school and some new faces as well were in Eva’s house, and it felt great. He didn’t spend the first two hours looking at the door hoping a certain someone would show up despite prior engagements. No, he didn’t.

The truth was that Isak was going slightly crazy. He couldn’t think about anything else or anybody else, especially after two or three beers, but he wasn’t willing to do anything about it.

He was still looking at the door when Jakob approached him and told him to slow down a bit with the drinking. Isak was actually feeling a bit dizzy, so it was probably a good idea. Jakob came back with a tall glass of water and told him to drink it if he wanted to remain up for the midnight countdown. Isak smiled at him.

“You know. You’re not too bad, Jakob.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t know. I thought you were this macho dude but you’re kind of nice and smart,” Isak admitted. He was so drunk.

“Ha. Thanks kiddo. I like you, too.” He ruffled his hair.

“You know under other circumstances, I would have found you and stolen a midnight kiss from you,” Isak blurted out.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. But not anymore. I don’t see you like that anymore.” Isak was out of control

“Ouch.”

“Yeah everybody pales in comparison,” admitted Isak.

“OUCH!” Jakob was laughing now. “Fucking Bech Næsheim! Making all of us look like shit.”

“Yeah, fucking Bech Næsheim!” Isak repeated. “FUCKING BECH NÆSHEIM!”

People had started chanting ‘fucking Bech Næsheim’ at the party when Sana showed up and dragged him away.

“You’re embarrassing yourself,” she said.

“I am?” Isak asked sincerely.

“It’s honestly embarrassing.” Sana was being so mean.

“Sana you’re so mean!” He pouted.

“Do you pull this shit in front of Even, too? No wonder that poor guy is crazy about you.”

.

It was almost midnight and Isak was sitting on a couch, still drinking water and thinking of ways to retract what he had said to Jakob earlier, when his phone started vibrating in his jeans.

**_Even Elementary Biology_ **

Isak stood up and ran outside the house to take the call.

“Uh. Hello?”

“Hi, Isak.” Even’s voice was so soft.

“Hi, is everything okay?” Isak couldn’t think of another reason for the older boy to call him right before the midnight countdown.

“I should be asking _you_ that question,” replied Even.

“What?”

“I checked Vilde’s instagram story a few hours ago, and some guys were yelling ‘ _fucking Bech Næsheim_ ’. Very funny. Haha. Were you involved?” Even laughed and Isak wanted to die.

“No,” he lied.

“Yeah right,” teased Even. Isak could picture his smile simply from his voice.

“Uhm. You should hang up. It’s a minute to midnight,” said Isak.

“I don’t want to.”

“Huh?”

“I want to start this new year with you.” Even’s words were more intoxicating than alcohol. “Talk to me.”

Isak was flustered and blushing and he couldn’t believe this guy.

“I don’t know what to say,” Isak admitted.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

_10 9 8 ..._

“Okay,” Isak breathed into the phone.

_6 5 4 …_

“Okay.”

_HAPPY NEW YEAR!_

“Happy New Year, love.”

“Happy New Year, Even.”

.

“Where WERE YOU? You missed Vilde and Magnus kissing at midnight. Bro, it was so fucking funny!” Mahdi said once Isak was inside.

Isak’s heart was swollen and he felt drunk. _Fucking Bech Næsheim._

So when he got a text from ‘Even Elementary Biology’ at 00:46 telling him to come outside, he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He all but ran out.

.

Even was dressed impeccably in in a black suit, propped against a pole, looking beautiful as always.

“You look beautiful,” Isak blurted out.

Even actually laughed. “You’re going a bit too fast for me, Isak. How drunk are you?”

“I’m. Fuck. I’m not drunk.” Isak couldn’t believe he said that.

“It’s okay.” Even chuckled. “I do look pretty dashing, I admit.”

“Fuck off.”

But then Even walked towards him and was soon standing in his face, just staring.

“I can only stay for a bit. My party is on the other side of town and I rode my bike like an idiot,” said Even.

“Why. Why are you here?” Isak asked and his eyes were screaming _‘please please please’._

Even brought a hand to his face and stroked his cheek.

“I’m here to break a promise,” he said.

“What promise?”

.

Even leaned in and pressed their lips together, soft and tender. A ‘good morning baby I made you coffee’ kiss. A ‘I haven’t seen your pretty face all day’ kiss. Gentle but toe-curling. Tender but with purpose. Isak’s eyes were closed and his hand was curled around Even’s wrist and his heart was in his throat.

_Fuck it. Just fuck it._

Isak was seeing stars and feeling all the things he always wanted to feel but never dared to. So he parted his lips and took what Even was willing to give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAHHHHH. I have a bit of a problem. I can't stop writing this, and it's all thanks to your comments and messages. THANK YOU SO MUCH<333  
> It means a lot when people say that I made them smile or laugh or when you guys comment on Isak/Vilde. Haha.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this monster of a chapter. Let me know what you thought xo


	5. I want you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even reveals things.  
> Vilde schemes.  
> Isak quits pretending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter. Poured my heart into this one.  
> Warning: things get slightly heated.

Isak was lying in his bed scrolling down his news feed when his eyes stopped on an article Sana had shared on the European Union’s immigration policies a few hours earlier.

**Even Bech Næsheim and 16 others liked this.**

_What in the world?_

.

Isak made it to the living room and found Sana on her phone, alone. Vilde had left the flat to pick up some posters for her ‘Relaxation’ student society. The Spring semester was starting in a few days, and Vilde was recruiting. The goal of the club was a bit vague, but Vilde explained that it was open to any student who wanted to relax and socialize. It had five members so far. Isak was basically bullied to join.

_“They won’t let me open a student club with four members, please,” she begged._

And that’s how he found himself in the ‘ ** _Relax, Bitches_** ’ groupchat.

.

“Since when are you friends with Even on facebook?” Isak asked.

Sana brought a hand up, shushing him.

“Wait, I’m sharing an article,” she said without looking up from her phone.

“Since when do _you_ share articles on facebook?”

“Since I started majoring in Public and International Law. Why?” She added without looking at him. “Makes you look smart.”

“Sana, everybody already knows you’re smart,” said Isak.

“Not people in my department. I have to come out strong.”

“Uh, whatever.” Isak was stalling. “So why are you friends with Even on facebook?”

“Because he added me. Why?” She finally looked up with a smirk.

“What do you mean why? I thought you hated him.”

“I don’t _hate_ him. Besides, what was I supposed to do? Not accept his request and climb down the social ladder?”

“I thought you said he was going to use me or whatever.” Isak was stuttering, almost.

“That was Noora, not me. Besides, I saw you two kissing on New Year’s. It didn’t look sexual,” she said casually.

Isak almost choked.

“You what? When!?”

“Jakob found me and said you ran out of the house looking panicked, so we went after you. It was cute.” She smirked again.

Isak’s face was flushed and he wanted to die.

“It’s not what it looked like,” he lied.

“Sure.” She flashed him that _‘I’m Sana fucking Bakkoush and I know things_ ’ smile.

Isak was shuffling and turned around to lock himself in his room when she spoke again.

“It was after Christmas.”

“What?” asked Isak.

“He added us on facebook after Christmas, and he’s been liking our pictures that have you in them. It’s cute. We talk about it in ‘Original Bad Bitches’. You should unmute.”

Isak slammed his bedroom door.

* * *

That night on New Year’s Eve, when their lips broke apart, Isak’s eyes were still closed and his left hand was still curled around Even’s as it stroked his left cheek. He was panting. Quite embarrassingly.

When he finally dared to open his eyes, Even was looking at him with wonder in his eyes.

“If only you could see what I see,” he spoke softly.

Isak’s chin was still tilted upwards and his lips were still parted. _Kiss me. Kiss me again. Please._

Instead, the taller boy pressed their foreheads together and bumped his nose against Isak’s. He didn’t dare to breathe. _Stop making me feel like this._

Even eventually took a step back, caressed his cheek, and spoke in his deep voice.

“Call me when you’re ready.”

And with that, he found his bike and disappeared into the night.

Isak watched the sun rise that morning. _I’m ready. I’m fucking ready._

* * *

 

Isak didn’t contact Even at all after New Year’s. Instead, he stared at his phone and waited. He knew that the ball was in his court but he couldn’t bring himself to make a move. He didn’t know what to do.

.

He was in the library having a staring contest with Anders, the tanned boy he had hooked up with the previous semester and who felt the need to glare at him whenever he saw him, when he received a text. He just stared at it while his heart did backflips.

* * *

 

**Even Elementary Biology**

(16:16) Hei ❤️

(16:16) What are you doing right now?

having a staring contest with this guy, why (16:19)

(16:19) uh

no not like that. he’s like glaring at me (16:20)

(16:20) Wtf? Where are you?

library (16:20)

(16:21) Wtf Isak. The semester hasn’t even started yet.

i know that.  Jakob was checking out books (16:22)

before others could snatch them

(16:22) Jakob?

Jonas’ roommate (16:23)

(16:23) Jonas?

(16:23) Oh, eyebrow guy from your insta?

fuck off (16:24)

(16:30) Where are you in the library?

wtf why? (16:30)

(16:31) I’m here

* * *

 

Even found him before he could finish typing a reply.

“Hello,” he said, taking a seat next to Isak. He was wearing a denim jacket and his hair wasn’t styled. Isak wanted to run his fingers through it.

“Hi.” He was failing at this ‘keeping it together’ thing. All he could think about was the kissing and the panting and the -

“So, where is this guy?” Even interrupted his thoughts.

“What?”

“This guy you’re staring at. Is it this Jakob guy?”

“No. What the hell. Jakob left after getting his books. I stayed because Vilde is having a pre-semester meeting with the first year girls in our flat or something.” Isak admitted.

Even chuckled.

“She’s lovely, Vilde,” he smiled. “So where is this guy then? Did you lie to get me to show up?”

Isak rolled his eyes and pointed in Anders' direction with his chin.

“Holy shit, he really is glaring. What did you do to this poor guy?” Even was laughing. Isak stayed silent for a moment.

“Wow? You cheated on me!?” Even scoffed. He was ridiculous.  

“Don’t be ridiculous. Besides, we hooked up like ages before you even noticed my existence.” Isak said, suddenly surprised by his own honesty.

“Not possible,” said Even, adamantly.

“Huh?”

“I noticed you on the first day of classes. It’s you who took forever to notice me.”  

_Fucking Even._

“Yeah, sure.” Isak feigned indifference.

“What? You don’t believe me? Why do you think I took fucking Elementary Biology?”

_What the fuck._

“What the fuck?”

“I saw you come out of the class on the first day. It took me forever to get enrolled, being a Media major and all. They made me take another class as well, ‘Laboratory Safety’ or whatever. Can you believe?” Even was speaking as if his words weren’t making Isak want to scream.

“What the fuck, Even?”

“What?” Even asked sheepishly.

“Is that why you missed the first two weeks?”

“Yes.” He smiled. _Ugh. Isak was so gone._

“I’m gonna need those flashcards you promised me. I’m taking the final exam next week,” he added.

“Are you still not telling me what happened?”

“I think I’ve made enough confessions today,” said Even.

“You know I don’t believe that biology class stuff, right?” Isak honestly didn’t.

“Ouch. But yes, I know.”

“Huh?”

“Why are you so convinced that you don’t deserve good things, Isak?” Even was suddenly very serious. Isak’s breathing hitched.

“I. Uhm. I wouldn’t call you enrolling in two completely unnecessary classes _for me_ good things, Even.” Isak looked everywhere but in his eyes.

“Who said it was unnecessary? I’ll have you know that I’m making good use of my knowledge. I’m writing a script on this desperate guy doing the most to impress his crush.”

“Sure, Even.”

The taller boy laughed then got up from his seat, grabbing Isak’s jacket and making him wear it.

“Come on, baby. Let’s go home and cuddle,” said Even, loud enough for people, and mostly Anders, to start looking.

_Fucking Even._ Isak smiled the entire way back home.

.

The thing was that Even did things to his heart, sure, but he also did things to.. well other parts of him. Isak was _frustrated_ to say the least. He started waking up in a sorry and disheveled state like some fourteen year old, and locking himself in his room to grip the sheets while watching bad porn more often than usual. Not to mention that he had to bite his fist to keep from uttering that name that shouldn't be uttered during his evening activities. Isak was truly a mess. 

He contemplated getting drunk until he couldn’t see and going down on some random guy in some random bar like good old days. But it felt like, _cheating?_  

_Fuck this. You two are not even a thing._

.

**Vilde Hellerud Lien added Even Bech Næsheim to “Relax, Bitches”.**

.

“What the fuck, Vilde?” Isak yelled before reaching her room.

“Okay, before you start screaming like a child, I talked to Eskild about your situation and he says it’s not normal that you haven’t hooked up with anyone in six months,” she said.

“What the hell? Why would you to talk to Eskild? And why would you assume that? What!?” Isak was screaming like a child.

“Isak. We live under the same roof. And I talked to Eskild because I’m not an expert in gay things. Okay, I made out with Eva maybe nine times, but it doesn’t count.”

“Vilde? Gay things? What the fuck are you talking about? Why would you add Even to that groupchat?” Isak was so tired.

Vilde put her phone down and walked towards Isak who was standing by her bedroom door. She looked him dead in the eyes and spoke in a very serious tone.

“Isak, I’m sorry to say this, but you need dick. I’m tired of your negative energy and all your sexual frustration in the apartment. It’s not healthy. And you’re so fixated on Even that taking you to a random bar won’t work. So I’m making it happen. Okay?” She brought a hand and rested it on his shoulder.

Isak had no words. He could not believe this girl.

“I’m fucking moving out.”

Isak didn’t move out.

* * *

**Relax, Bitches**

Vilde: Hii everyone! The semester is just around the corner. So we’re going clubbing this Friday to celebrate. Hope to see all of you!

Eva: fuck yes

Noora: Can’t come. I’m meeting William this Friday

Eskild: YASSSSS

You don’t even go here Eskild!

Eskild: I’m still mad at you baby jesus

Ugh why

Eskild: You haven’t texted me in months. I’m hurt

Eskild: To think we used to be roommates

Sana: I’m in.

Even: I’ll be there :).

Eva: skmksdklklds

Eva: Sorry my fingers slipped

Vilde: Cool of you to join, Even!

Eskild: ...

Even: Thank you for inviting me, Vilde

Even: Baby jesus. That’s funny :D

Eva: jkfjkdfkj

Ughhhhhhhhh

* * *

Isak was sulking near the bar when Even approached him with a beer in his hand. He was wearing the same black coat he wore on New Year’s Eve. Isak was having war flashbacks.

“Having fun?” Even asked.

“I want to go home.” Isak sounded like a grumpy teenager.

“Why? We just got here and the night is young. Come on. Dance with me.” Even put his beer down and dragged him by the wrist to the dance floor.

Eva detached herself from whoever she was kissing and started squealing. Isak rolled his eyes.

_5 Fine Frøkner_ was playing and Isak wanted to be anywhere but there. Preferably with Even’s hand still wrapped around his wrist, though. It turned out that the taller boy was even more ridiculous than he thought. He knew all the words, and sang them to Isak who kept covering his face with his hands and rolling his eyes.

**You make me fired up. There’s nothing that can cool me down.**

Isak was positively dying as he felt his heart getting bigger and his pants getting tighter. Even was ridiculous but Isak loved it.

_It’s like a fucking hashtag. What the fuck._

**There’s nobody I’d rather do this with.**

_Same, Gabrielle. Same._

.

They were walking home under the snow and Vilde was staggering in the distance when Even took his hand. Isak stopped dead in his tracks and actually gasped. Even smiled and kept walking, still holding his hand.

“We hold hands now?” Isak asked.

“We hold hands now.”

.

Isak never knew that hand holding could be so _intimate._ His palms were sweaty and he felt naked. Even’s hand was big and warm and it fit perfectly against his. When Isak started getting used to it, Even moved their fingers and laced them together.

Isak gasped again and Even smiled.

_Fuck this, honestly._

They walked silently, Isak fixated on his shoes and Even stealing glances every few seconds. His heart was beating erratically against his ribcage and he didn’t know what to do.

“What kind of music do you listen to, Isak? Besides NotGabrielle.”

“What?” Isak was flustered. “Uhm. I don’t know. Like rap music and stuff.”

“What kind?”

“You know 90s rap, like N.W.A. Stuff to feel tough when you’re roaming the city.” Isak replied.

“Stuff to feel tough,” repeated Even. “Ever heard of Nas?”

“Nas? NAS, Naas.”

“N-A-S. You should check him out when you get home, or maybe tomorrow since it’s 2 in the morning,” said Even.

Isak couldn’t believe they were having a conversation about 90s rap music while holding hands at 2 in the morning. And when Vilde finally fell several meters ahead of of them, the loss of contact was brutal.

.

They both ran towards Vilde and helped her up. Isak was stopping a taxi when he saw Even pick her up and carry her in his arms. _What a sight. Like did you have to. Fuck._

He gently put Vilde in the cab and held the door for Isak. _Oh right. I’m taking her home._

“Uh, thanks! I’ll see you next week or something,” Isak blurted out once he was inside the cab.

“Goodnight, Isak.” Even said sweetly, a hand propped on the door while his other one came up to the younger boy’s face and stroked it gently. Isak let himself briefly lean into the touch. And soon, the door was closed and they were on their way home.

.

Isak had just changed into his sweatpants when Vilde sent him a text asking if they had any snacks left. He just yelled ‘NO’ across the hallway and threw himself on his bed.

* * *

**  
Relax, Bitches**

(03:01)

Vilde: hEY GUYSZ AWSOM NIGHT. IM STARVIN DOES SOMEONE HAVE FOOD OR SNACKs?

Vilde: !!

Vilde: ??? pls

Eskild: go to sleep

Noora: Drink water instead. You’ll just feel worse in the morning.

Eskild: Noora you’re still up? 

Noora: Bye Eskild

Even: I have some snacks lying around. I can bring them over. My building isn’t too far from yours.

* * *

Isak sat up. _What is this_.

“Vilde!?” he yelled from his room but there was no answer. Ten minutes later he got a text from ‘Even Elementary Biology’ asking him to come down.

_Shit._

.

Isak went down in his sweatpants. It was snowing again and Even looked _soft_ and beautiful. He was still in his black coat and his cheeks were flushed. He carried a small bag which supposedly contained food for Vilde. It was three fifteen in the morning.

“I got Vilde some snacks,” said Even holding the bag up.

“Uh. Cool,” said Isak.

“Cool?”

“I mean you know. That’s nice of you,” Isak stuttered.

Even smiled and asked if they could go inside for a minute.

“What!? Why?” Isak panicked.

“Haha, calm down,” Even chuckled. “Let’s just go inside the building, not to your flat. I walked here. I’m freezing. Just a minute.”

“Uhm. Okay,” said Isak.

.

Isak pushed the door open and was holding it for Even who was behind him when he felt the taller boy’s hands on his waist.

“What are you doing!?” Isak jumped.

“I’m. touching. you,” breathed Even in his ear, voice suddenly very low.

“That I can tell,” Isak replied as the door closed behind them. They would have been in the dark if it weren’t for the little light upstairs.

Isak turned around to face Even, and the older boy's hands found his hips again, pushing him gently against the wall, letting go of the plastic bag with the snacks. Isak gasped.

“What are you doing? Oh my god,” he was a mess.

“I said I’m touching you,” Even replied, leaning in so that there were mere centimeters between their faces.

“You smell like beer,” managed Isak.

“You smell like those flowers at the Botanisk garden.”

“Now that’s just bullshit, Even. I don’t smell like fucking flowers. Men don’t smell like flowers.” Isak was flustered and beginning to sound like an insecure child.

Even laughed.

“Okay, fine. You smell like manly cologne. You smell nice.”

“Gosh, you’re so weird and cheesy, Even. Let go of me.”

And so he did. Isak lost his balance a bit due to the loss of contact, and Even took a step back and rested his head on the opposite wall in the narrow alley leading to the stairs.

“I really wanted to see you again tonight, Isak. I even got Vilde to lie in the groupchat to make it happen,” Even admitted.  

Isak already knew all of that, so he just went straight to the point.

“Why did you want to see me, Even?” he asked.

“Because I wanted to touch you,” Even was back in his personal space, “like this.”

The taller boy pressed their hips together and brought a hand up to Isak’s face, just touching and stroking.

_Fuck._

“I think you should go, Even. I think you’re drunk right now,” Isak said weakly without looking at him.  _You're killing me._

“I’m not drunk. I had one beer. I just need to be close to you,” said Even, his hands leaving the younger boy’s face and finding his waist.

“I would say you’re pretty close to me right now.” Isak had no idea how this _bullshit_ kept making it past his mouth.

“Not like that,” breathed Even. “I need -”

Even's arms wrapped around Isak’s waist, pulling him into his chest and burying his head in his neck.

All the wit and the sarcasm left Isak’s mind and body, and the ‘EvenEvenEven’ song was back full force as the taller boy’s arms locked tightly around his waist.

“Now, we’re close,” Even whispered into his neck.

Isak couldn’t help it. His own arms wrapped around Even’s neck and his head found a home in its crook. They stood there for a while, just hugging and panting and breathing in each other’s hair. Even’s hands were now roaming his lower back, and Isak was intoxicated from the mere touch, breathing erratically.  _I'm so fucking lost. I want you. I want you. I want you._

“Fuck, Isak. I want you. I want you so fucking bad.” Even’s words made him shiver, and Isak all but melted in his arms. Too hot, too flustered, too powerless.

_Take me. I’m right here. I'm all yours for the taking. You can fucking have me._

“Fuck. Kiss me, Even. Just fucking kiss me.” Isak never thought he would actually utter the words.

So when Even pressed a leg between his and kissed him breathless, Isak moaned like he had never been touched before. This was not a chaste kiss. This was not a ‘hello goodbye’ kiss. No. Even was no longer waiting and asking. He just took and took and took, barely breathing, barely stopping.

It was sloppy, and wet, and desperate, and wonderful. Isak pulled him closer, and gripped him harder, and moaned like he didn’t give a damn who heard. So Even slipped a tongue and licked into his mouth, and the younger boy squirmed and tugged harder at his hair.

“Even..” he panted.

“Yes, baby..” Even was just as wrecked, just as disheveled.

“Even..”

“Yes, yes, what do you need?” He kissed him again, deep, and desperate, and hard. “What do you want, baby?”

“Please -"

"Please what baby? Anything you want. Anything -"

"Please don’t leave me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I poured my soul into this. I had to go to a special place in my heart to write this one lol  
> Not so fun fact: I'm moving to my new apartment tomorrow, so I won't be able to update as often :/. I already have some stuff written though. So I gotchu.  
> Leave a comment if you want to <3 It MAKES MY DAY <3.
> 
> EDIT: I'm trying to update but I'm SO tired from moving all my stuff. I can barely focus. I don't want to upload something disappointing, so bear with me <3 Thank you for all your kind words. I'm honestly so overwhelmed  
> xo


	6. I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even makes Isak blush for real  
> Jonas does the thing  
> Some words are said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii lovely people <3\. Sorry for the delay. I just moved to my new place and I don't have wifi yet lol.  
> Be gentle with me. I typed half of this on MY PHONE because I hadn't unpacked my laptop yet.  
> <3

**Original Bad Bitches**

(09:17)

Vilde: Ok I’m hungover as hell but I just watched Even do the walk of shame

Sana: About damn time

Noora: He sneaked out? Wow. classy.  

Sana: Where is Eva? Why isn’t she screaming over this?

Noora: Probably still sleeping

Vilde: I don’t know

(09:33)

Vilde: UPDATE! HE JUST CAME BACK

Vilde: he went to get breakfast stuff

Vilde: I’m actually jealous

Noora: I’m actually surprised

Vilde: I think he’s wearing Isak’s Clothes?

Sana: Interesting

Chris: gonna need someone to update me. Im lost

Vilde: Chris you should have come to uni then

**Isak Valtersen just left this conversation**

* * *

When Isak woke up, Even wasn’t there. His first reaction was to mutter ‘I  _knew it’_. And when he read the first message in the groupchat, he threw his head back against the wall, put his phone away, and sighed. _Well, fuck me, then._

He tried to hide his disappointment and was making plans to avoid his roommate for the day when he heard someone knock on their apartment door. Vilde got it and greeted someone with a very high-pitched “Heiii!”.

“ _Good morning._ ”

Isak all but ran out of his room the moment he heard _that_ voice. He eventually stopped and leaned on the couch when he realized how stupid he looked. Vilde and Even just stared at him from the doorway.

“I see that you’ve missed me,” Even smiled.

_Shit_.

“I got stuff for breakfast. You guys said you had no food in the apartment yesterday,” he continued, lifting the grocery bags in his hands.

“Aw, Even. You didn’t have to!” said Vilde.

“I wanted to, though,” Even replied, beaming.

They were both so annoying.

“Both of you are so annoying,” Isak finally spoke.

Vilde rolled her eyes, exasperated. She then took the groceries from Even, and placed them on the kitchen counter.

“I like that shirt on you better, Even,” she said and then walked away to her room.

Isak was still leaning on the couch’s armrest when Even walked towards him and kissed him on the mouth.

“Hello,” Even said with a smile.

“Hello,” Isak replied with a smile.

.

_“Please don’t leave me.”_

It came out like a sob, catching both of them by surprise. Isak didn’t know what he expected from such a plea. He never stopped to think about it. These weren’t words he ever thought of uttering to anyone, let alone to Even in the middle of **the** makeout session.

So now that they were out there in the tiny space separating them, Isak brought his hands to his mouth, as if to stop something else from spilling. He was embarrassed and frustrated. He had ruined a perfectly good moment by being a weird bundle of emotions.

_Great fucking job, Isak!_

But then Even’s hands curled around his and pushed them down from his face. Isak wasn’t looking at him. How could he?

Even gently lifted his chin up with his index finger while keeping his other hand around the younger boy’s. “Hey. Look at me, Isak,” he whispered.

Instead, Isak brought his head down again and looked at the floor, still holding Even’s hand. He was defeated. Tired of feeling. Tired of being so _damn_ _scared._

“Baby, how could anyone ever leave you.”

It wasn’t a question. And when Isak finally lifted his gaze, Even was looking at him with so much love and so much want. He had no idea what he had done to deserve him. His breathing was growing erratic again, and the EvenEvenEven song in his mind felt more like a fanfare now.

_Fuck it._

Isak cupped Even’s face and kissed him. He kissed him like he meant it. He kissed him like he wanted to ever since Even crossed the city to hold him on Christmas. Deep and slow and passionate. He kissed him a second time, and then a third, and a fourth. He kissed him until the taller boy’s concerns melted away and they were left panting again against each other’s lips, bodies grinding, pushing, and pulling.

Isak’s hands were still cupping Even’s face. His shoulders were hunched and he was on his tiptoes trying to keep up with whatever it was that he had initiated.

“I want you, too.” He finally breathed. “So much, Even. So fucking much.”

.

When they reached Isak’s bedroom, still panting, Even let out a strangled moan. Isak then realized that he had never been in his flat before. He smiled against his lips.

.

When Isak’s back hit the mattress, he pulled Even on top of him and reached up to kiss his neck. The older boy moaned, and touched, and pressed, but not as hard as Isak imagined he would. So he left his neck and held his face in his two hands.

“What is it, Even?” he breathed.

“Nothing. I just. I feel like I’m fucking dreaming.”

Isak sat up so that they were face to face on the bed and kissed him again, very tenderly. _He had no idea he was capable of being so gentle._

“You’re so cheesy.”

“No, it’s like. I feel like my brain is playing tricks on me again. And it’s stupid, cause you’re right _here. So perfect.”_

Even pushed him on his back again just as he uttered the last two words and straddled him. Isak’s face was flushed.

“I’ve dreamed about this moment multiple times, you know?” Even said with a smile.

“Oh yeah? What happens in this moment?” Isak teased, despite being on the verge of tears, head spinning with lust.

“In this moment, I blow you.”

Isak choked and his brief cockiness was suddenly gone. “What. I.”

“I want to make you feel good, baby. When was the last time someone took care of you?” Even asked.

“I don’t know, what the fuck.” Even was tugging at his waistband. "What are you doing?”

“I’m pulling your pants down right now, and after that I’m going to suck your-”

“Shut up! Stop talking! Oh my god.”

Even went down on him and Isak nearly cried.

.

When Isak woke up in the middle of the night, he briefly thought that it was all a dream. But then he realized that the pressure around his chest was none other than Even’s arms, strong and insistent and stable, wrapped tightly around him as his back pressed against the taller boy’s chest. They were spooning. _We’re fucking spooning._

.

When Even kissed him hello the next morning in the flat, Isak let himself feel the butterflies in his stomach.

_Whatever. Fuck it._

He smiled and giggled at every joke. He ate all the food and melted into all the kisses.

He was allowing himself to feel happy. Finally. And it felt so good.

.

“I just want to stay here with you forever. Can I?”

They were sprawled on Isak’s bed, _cuddling._

“You’re so cheesy, Even.”

“Yes, but can I?”

“You can. Whatever. I’m meeting Jonas and Jakob today though,” said Isak while getting up.

Even scoffed, “What? You’re ditching me for your ‘bros’?” A smile was dancing in his eyes. Isak loved it when he teased.

“Ugh. Fuck off. And yes. I promised like days ago.”

“But that was before.” Even sat up on his knees on the bed and pulled Isak's waist towards him, hugging him from behind. The younger boy melted.

“I. Uh. Before what?”

“Before I wrapped my mouth around your -”

“Oh my god shut up, Even. Just shut up.” Isak disentangled himself in horror while the older boy bursted out laughing.

“You’re so cute when you’re all shy.”

.

“You’re glowing,” said Jakob.

“What? What does that even mean?” Isak was panicking. _How can he always tell everything._

“Relax, Isak. I’m just saying this whole happy thing looks good on you.”

“What happy thing?” _Was he that obvious?_

“Isak, you’ve been smiling at your phone all afternoon, bro. We don’t care. It’s nice,” Jonas finally spoke.

_Did he know? Did Jakob tell him about the New Year’s Eve kissing with Even?_

“Uhm, okay. Thanks then,” said Isak instead.

.

The thing was that Isak never did the whole coming out thing. He started kissing boys -- well, men actually -- when he was a second year at Nissen, and he never remembered any of their faces or how it all went down. He just stumbled into random gay bars, completely intoxicated in the dead of the night, and blinked at the first person who walked past him. _Please make me feel something._

When Eskild caught him the second time, Isak was on his knees in a small alley made for smoking. It was mortifying but they never talked about it. Instead, Eskild took him under his wing and started dragging him outside the kollektivet to meet people. He never looked any of them in the eye.

So Isak kissed more girls at parties to impress the boys and completely detached himself from reality. Rumors soon started spreading around that he couldn’t “get it up”, and by his third year, everybody just assumed that he was either impotent or _gay._

And while it ate at him in the previous year, things were so terrible in his third with his parents that he just couldn’t care less. He just stopped caring about what people said or didn’t say. So when Jonas asked him who the guy glaring at them in the skating park was, he just shrugged, “I think he went down on me once.”

.

Jonas knew that he hooked up with boys, but they never talked about it, and it wasn’t for his best friend’s lack of trying. Isak shut him out. He hated to admit it, but he did. And somehow, Isak had become closer to Jakob, who didn’t even comment on what he saw on New Year’s, not even once.

.

“Uhm, guys?” Isak spoke softly.

Jonas and Jakob looked up from their consoles.

“So, you know Even?” Isak was shuffling his feet.

“Yes, Isak. We know Even,” said Jakob. Jonas hushed him.

“What about him?”

“Uhm. We’re having a thing.” Isak couldn’t believe he actually said it.

“Hm. Cool. Handsome dude,” said Jonas.

“I knew that already, sweets,” replied Jakob.

“Okay.”

.

When Jakob went to pick up some pizza, Jonas turned to him.

“Isak, you know you can tell me anything, right? I feel like I’ve been such a shit friend ever since we started Uni.”

“You are pretty shit, yes,” Isak joked.

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I promise. I think I’m.” Isak stopped.

“You think you’re what?”

“I think I’m happy,” Isak admitted.

“Good. You deserve it, man. I mean it.”

.

Isak and Even became a thing, a proper thing. A ‘Hi, baby, walk me through your flashcards while I suck on your face in the library’ thing. A ‘I’m taking Biodiversity this semester just to tease you’ thing. A ‘Press me against the kitchen counter. I don’t care if Vilde walks in’ thing. A ‘I’m meeting this freaking Jakob dude you keep ditching me for’ thing.

Isak still rolled his eyes and said mean things, but Even’s smiles only got warmer and his heart only bigger.

.

“Tell me sweet things,” said Even, his hand playing with Isak’s hair in bed one night.

“What now?” Isak replied in a sarcastic tone.

“Tell me how much you love my eyes again.”

“Ugh, Even. I only said that one time because you were on top of me and,” Isak babbled.

“And what?” The taller boy stared at him adoringly.

“Fuck it. I love your eyes.”

Even laughed. “And. I. love. you.”

.

The words just hung there in the air above them. Isak couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what it meant. But then Even wrapped him in his arms until Isak’s face was buried in his neck, and he whispered “You don’t have to say it back.”

So Isak didn’t.

.

“I would have killed for this two years ago,” Isak said against Even’s skin a few moments later.

“Hm?”

“I just keep thinking about what you said about transferring to Nissen in your third year. Things would be so different.”

Isak thought that maybe being honest for one night could make up for his silence to _those three words_.

“You think?” Even asked.

“Yes, I was so fucking broken.” Isak couldn’t stop. Even held him tighter.

“Why baby? What happened?”

“Uhm. My mom went fucking crazy and I moved out and lived in a basement for a while.”

“What?” Even sat up and touched his face. “A basement? What did you fight with your mother about?”

“We didn’t fight. My dad left and I just had to fucking leave, too.” He didn’t look into Even’s eyes.

“Why?”

He could feel Even tense in front of him. Isak was scared of finally telling him why he was so _fucked up._ He was afraid that once he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop spilling everything he had so carefully hidden inside under layers and layers of _bullshit_. He was scared of Even judging him and realizing that he was a little selfish brat.

But then he remembered all the wonderful things this boy had done for him. All the waiting, and the tenderness, and the  _'Why are you so convinced that you don't deserve good things',_ _'If you could only see what I see', ‘_ _Baby, how could anyone ever leave you?’._ Isak felt it deep in his bones, this connection he had with this strange boy. This strange boy who sometimes knew him better than he knew himself. So he decided that he trusted him, with anything really, because if he was going to trust anyone at all, it was Even.  

“Because I decided that I didn’t want any mentally ill people fucking up my life anymore.”

.

When Isak woke up in the middle of the night, Even wasn’t there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I cried writing the last line honestly lol.  
> .  
> Your comments and messages on tumblr make me cry. Thank you so much.  
> You guys are the sweetest <33333333  
> .  
> Thoughts on what's coming?  
> .  
> EDIT: Hii. I realize that this was sad and I'm sorry. It had to be done :(. There's no universe in which Isak and Even don't get their happy ending (well in my head at least), so just bear with me ❤️.   
> When we first met Isak, he was hollow and bitter and broken, but Even managed to save him from himself somehow. Now, it's Isak's turn to prove himself. This fic will have around 11 chapters. So 5 more. *hugs*


	7. I'll give you the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is in love and it hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Impulsive update because I couldn't sleep. Lots of texting below. Seemed like the best way to capture things.  
> I'm sorry. <3

* * *

  **Even <3**

(09:18) felt weird waking up without you :)

(09:19) if you hold this against me I’ll never say sweet things again I swear

(12:14) everything ok?

(17:02) Even???

(17:03) Hei baby. I’m sorry, something came up. I’ll text you later

(17:03) ???

(17:03) are you ok?

(17:04) Yes, don’t worry :)

(17:05) Love you

* * *

Isak sighed and lay back down on the couch. He had been buzzing all day with worry. _Did he say too much the previous night?_

“Any news?” asked Vilde from the kitchen.

“He just texted me back. He said something came up and he’s fine,” Isak replied.

“See, I told you there was nothing to worry about,” she said. “Honestly, you’re such a girl, Isak. Freaking out because your man missed out on one breakfast. Pft.”

“Okay, that’s sexist, Vilde!” said Noora.

“What? It’s just an expression!”

“It’s not just an expression. It’s stuff like this that perpetuates sexism in our society. How many times do I have to tell you this, Vilde?”

Vilde had asked Isak about Even in the morning, and he failed at hiding the worry in his voice when he said that he didn’t know where he was. He considered his options: he could either tell her what was bugging him or he could go back to his room and sulk all night.

“Uhm, guys,” Isak interrupted them.

“I’ll have you know that we’re girls,” said Noora. Vilde rolled her eyes.

“Yes, sure. Girls. Uhm. I’m not just freaking out because he missed fucking breakfast,” said Isak.

Vilde and Noora repositioned themselves so that they could get a better look at Isak who was still holding his phone.

“Go on,” said Noora.

“Something happened last night.” He stopped and looked at the floor.

“What? Spill it!” said Vilde.

Isak suddenly got up. “Forget it! Why am I talking to you? You’re just going to broadcast this shit.”

Vilde gasped, “How dare you? You’ve had this Even thing going on for freaking months and I didn’t tell anyone.”

That wasn’t exactly true but it reminded Isak of all the things Vilde had done for him. He sat back down.

“Fine!” He took a deep breath. “He might have told me that he loved me,” he blurted out really quickly.

He expected an ‘OH MY GOD, LET ME GET MY PHONE OH MY GOD’ but instead Vilde and Noora just shrugged.

“That’s wonderful, Isak. I’m happy for you. But we could tell already. Are you bragging?” said Vilde.

“What the hell? No? I just. I freaked and he said not to say it back, so I didn’t.”

“Do _you_ love him?” asked Noora.

“I’m not talking about _that_ with you!”

“Why the hell are you telling us this if you’re just going to act like a child?” Noora bit back.

“Because he told me he loved me! And then I told him some weird shit about me, and now he’s not here!” Isak actually yelled. “And I know this is just some shit that keeps the groupchat going for you, something to giggle about before going to bed. But it’s fucking real to ME. It’s not entertainment. I feel all of this, okay? And it fucking sucks. I don’t know what to fucking do. So to answer your question, this was me asking for help, something I’ve never done before. But you know what? Fuck you!”

Isak slammed his bedroom door and wondered who had taken over his body.

* * *

**Noora A. Sætre**

(19:04)

Hey Isak. Sorry for being an asshole earlier. I just want you to know that Vilde and I won’t ‘broadcast’ anything.

ok

And I’m here if you want to talk. I’m serious.

takk

Sorry for yelling and shit wtf

It’s okay. I deserved it.

Oh, and one thing.

?

It’s literally just three words. Okay?

Okay

* * *

 

_It’s just three words._

 

* * *

**Even <3**

(20:32) i miss you

(20:33) Can you come over?

I have something to tell you

(20:35) Miss you, too baby. Can’t come tonight.

(20:36) Tell me tomorrow?

(20:36) Okay. Goodnight

(20:37) Goodnight <3

(20:37) <3

* * *

Isak was relieved when Even texted him back immediately but it didn’t last long. He wanted to ask him a thousand questions. _What’s going on? Why did you leave in the middle of the night? Is it because I left my mother? Is it because I didn’t say I love you back?_

Instead, he just set his phone down and waited to drift to sleep.

He didn’t.

.

Even didn’t show up the next day and wasn’t in Biodiversity on Monday. Isak wanted to scream. He sent him twenty seven texts, and Even replied every single time.

_‘I’m running late.’_

_‘I overslept.’_

_‘My mother wanted to see me.’_

_‘I’m tired today.’_

_‘No, I don’t have a cold, baby. You don’t need to come see me.”_

Even was avoiding him and Isak was growing restless and paranoid. It hurt. It hurt so much but Even said that he could never leave him. The least he could do was give him the benefit of a doubt. The least he could do was be half as patient as Even was with him. So Isak held onto those thoughts with all his might as his mind drifted into chaos and his insecurities came running to the surface.

_He won’t leave me. He won’t. He won’t._

.

“Even is avoiding me,” Isak said to Jonas over Kebab.

“Hm? Why?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in a week. He’s missing class, too.”

“Are you sure he’s avoiding _you_? Maybe he has some stuff going on at home,” said Jonas.

“I don’t know shit anymore.” Isak buried his face in his hands.

“Don’t be a drama queen. Just go see him.”

“I don’t even know where he lives. I’m so fucking stupid. I know his building is somewhere close to mine but I never asked,” Isak admitted.

“We both know that that’s not an issue, bro.”

_It’s just three words._

* * *

**Vilde Hellerud Lien**

 (13:32)

Vilde I need a favor

* * *

Isak was in front of Even’s door, and his heart was in his throat. _It’s just three words._

He knocked twice and a boy with dark hair opened the door.

“Hi. Uhm, is Even here?” Isak was so nervous.

“Hey! You must be Isak? I’m Mikael, his roommate slash best friend,” the boy threw a hand between them.

“Oh shit, I forgot to introduce myself. Yes, I’m Isak. Nice to meet you.”

Isak realized that he didn’t know any of Even’s friends. _What do you know about him really?_

“Even is not here,” said Mikael. “You’re welcome to stay and wait for him, but I don’t think he’ll show up tonight either. He’s been at his parents’ for a while.”

“Oh okay.” Isak’s mind was suddenly in panic mode again. “Thanks Mikael.”

He turned around to leave when the other boy spoke again.

“Hey, this is gonna sound weird but don’t resent Even for this, okay? He’s doing his best. He’s just. He’s worth waiting for.”

_I don’t understand shit._

“Okay.”

* * *

**Even <3**

(19:03) Even, I’ll wait forever if that’s what you need

But are you breaking up with me?

* * *

It took all of Isak’s courage to press send. And when Even didn’t immediately reply, his heart sank to the floor. He walked home with ache in his chest, and he felt like crying. So he took his time. _Vilde can’t see me like this._

He still had hope that Even would answer. _Please, don’t leave me._ He still had hope that he would at least come up with some other excuse tonight. _Please, please don’t leave me._

So when Isak saw Even’s bike in his street, he ran into the building like a madman.

.

He found Even sprawled on the floor in front of his apartment door. And as soon as he reached the top step, the older boy stood up and lunged at him like he physically couldn’t stand being separated from him any longer. Isak thought he would just hug him, but Even went for his lips. They crashed so hard that Isak almost fell down the stairs hadn’t it been for Even holding him in place with two hands gripping his head. The taller boy kissed him with so much despair and passion that it felt like a sob.

When they broke apart, Isak kept his eyes closed and Even pressed their foreheads together. They just stood there, breathing and panting, with Even’s hands on his cheeks, and Isak’s gripping the taller boy’s waist.

“You stupid, stupid boy,” Even finally spoke.

“Why am I stupid?” Isak whispered.

“You’re stupid if you think I’m breaking up with you. I’m never leaving you.”

Isak cried for the first time in three years right there in front of his apartment in Even’s arms. He cried heavy tears and sobbed until his chest no longer felt like it was on fire.

“I was so fucking scared and I just got back from your place and,” Isak said.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby. It’s me. I know it sounds like the biggest fucking cliche, but it’s me. It’s not you. I will make it work. I promise. I’ve been working on it. Trust me, okay?”

Isak had no idea what Even was talking about, but he was there, in front of him, with him. He didn’t leave him.

“I was coming to see you tomorrow but when I saw your text, I just couldn’t. I had to come here.”

Isak gripped him harder.

_It’s just three words._

_._

Isak slept for the first time in a week, safely wrapped in Even’s arms. The older boy didn’t seem to have slept much as he kept drawing circles on Isak’s shoulder and touching his hair. Whenever Isak woke up in the dead of the night, Even was there, kissing his neck, whispering sweet and silly things.

_“I’ll give you the world. I’ll give you the world.”_

_“I’d give anything to be with you.”_

_“I don’t deserve to have you.”_

_“I love you.”_

.

Even didn’t leave his side that week. He even attended classes he had no business being in. He dragged him to empty auditoriums and made him moan against the projector. He sucked on his lower lip in front of Jonas and Jakob and tugged at his waistband in the cafeteria.

Isak let him because he wanted all of it. _Anything you throw my way, I will have._

Even took him to dinner at the fanciest restaurant and rented them freaking tuxedos for the occasion.

“I want us to look nice,” he said.

“Baby, you look nice in everything,” Isak replied and Even gasped.

.

When Even told him he was going to have lunch with his ex-girlfriend a few weeks later, Isak made a face.

“I like that face. Jealousy looks good on you,” Even teased. Isak would have normally told him to _fuck off._ But not anymore, no.

“Yes, I am in fact jealous. I’m very jealous,” Isak said, earning himself an actual gasp from Even.

“Wow. Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?” Even leaned in and kissed him.

_Boyfriend._

“That poor fucker has left this body. From now on, you get me, jealous Isak.”

“Aw. You’re so cute. But Sonja and broke up two years ago. She’s literally so over my shit.”

Isak was still glaring.

“Oh so you want to be difficult now? Okay, I don’t like that Jakob dude. I don’t like the way he looks at you,” Even revealed.

“What the fuck are you talking about? How does he look at me?”

“The way _I_ look at you. I know that look. I invented that look,” Even said. Isak rolled his eyes.

“An eyeroll, finally! My boyfriend is still in there somewhere,” Even teased again.

_My boyfriend._

Isak stood up, wrapped his arms around Even’s neck, and pulled him into a deep kiss.  

“Your boyfriend will miss you,” Isak finally said.

“Your boyfriend will miss you, too.”

 

* * *

**Unknown Number**

(14:05) Hello you FUCKING ASSHOLE! Call me when you get this

(14:27) wtf? I think you got the wrong number

(14:27) It’s about Even.

He ran off when I went to the bathroom.

CALL ME ASAP

(14:27) who the fuck is this?

(14:28) It’s Sonja

* * *

 

Isak immediately called Even but he didn’t pick up.

 

* * *

**Even <3**

(14:33) Even wtf is going on? Sonja is telling me to call her

(14:49) Even???

* * *

Isak called Sonja but she didn’t pick up either. He was losing grip on reality, so he headed for Even’s place. Vilde said she couldn’t let him go alone so he let her accompany him.

Mikael greeted him and said that Even had just left their place again.

“Was he with Sonja?”

“No, he got back from lunch, changed, and went back out again.”

“Dude, what the fuck is going on?” Isak pleaded with tears in his eyes.

“It’s not my story to tell. Sorry Isak.”

* * *

**Unknown Number**

Sonja please what the hell is going on (18:12)

(18:13) i just found him! do you have any idea what you did

(18:13) how could you say that to him? Wtf is wrong with you??? Are you even a person?

WTF IS THIS?? WHAT DID I DO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? WHERE IS HE? (18:14)

(18:16) come to the campus security operation center!

* * *

Isak was still crying when he got there, and Vilde held his hand the entire time. He didn’t know what to look for because he didn’t know what Sonja looked like. But he knew who she was the moment she yelled “about damn time” when she spotted him.

“Are you Sonja?” he asked weakly.

“Yes, and I know what you look like because he showed me _pictures_ of you!”

“What’s happening please! Where is Even?”

“His parents just picked him up. The poor thing just broke into the Faculty of Law building and tried to steal the huge freaking globe in one of the classrooms.”

“He did what? Why would he do that?!” Isak’s brain was in a chaotic jumble.

Sonja sighed. “Because he said he wanted to _give you the world._ What kind of sappy shit honestly.”

“Is this some kind of prank, what the fuck? This isn’t funny.” Vilde said.

“Do I look like I’m laughing?” Sonja bit back. “He’s sick, okay. He’s manic right now. He’s bipolar. _MENTALLY ILL.”_  She spelled it for Isak who stopped breathing.

_Because I decided that I didn’t want any mentally ill people fucking up my life anymore._

“He worked so hard to come to terms with it. You have no idea how long it took him to accept himself, and then what did you do? You went and made him feel like he’s a worthless piece of shit.” She was in Isak’s face. Every word felt like a knife in his chest. He couldn’t stop crying.

_Because I decided that I didn’t want any mentally ill people fucking up my life anymore._

Vilde pushed between them.

“Calm down. He didn’t know any of this. Why are you attacking him?!”

“Because he broke him! Even went off his meds so that he could be _normal_ because _he can’t leave him._ Can you believe this? I could tell he was manic the moment he said hi to me in that restaurant!”

_Because I decided that I didn’t want any mentally ill people fucking up my life anymore._

Isak ran off before Sonja could twist the knife any further. He ran like a child and only stopped to throw up.

_Because I decided that I didn’t want any mentally ill people fucking up my life anymore._

_You stupid fucker._

_Fuck you, Isak. Fuck you. Just fuck YOU!_

.

Isak threw up twice in the little park where he collapsed.

Everything suddenly made so much sense, all the impulsiveness, all the spontaneity, all the back and forth, all the bits and pieces that made Even Even, all the wonder in his eyes, the magic in his fingertips. Everything he did, he did for love. Isak cried because he was so unworthy. ‘ _I’m going to make it work’. ‘I’m working on it’. ‘Trust me’. ‘I feel like my brain is playing tricks on me’. ‘I feel like I’m fucking dreaming’. ‘I love you’. ‘I’ll give you the world’. ‘I’ll never leave you’. ‘I don’t deserve to have you’._

Simply thinking about how much pain he must have caused Even made him want to curl into himself and disappear, but he couldn’t. He didn’t deserve to.

_There was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy._

_'Nature Boy'_  was never about him. It was always about Even. He was the enchanted boy who had taught him to love and be loved in return. Even had managed to save him from himself. The least he could do was return the favor.

So Isak cried for another hour, stood up, sobered up, and pulled out his phone.

* * *

**Even <3**

(21:21)

Dear Even, I love you. I love you with all my heart  
I’ve never loved anyone before, so I suck at it.  
I fucked up so bad. I’m sorry I said those things.  
I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I made you feel like  
you had to be someone else. Please forgive me.  
I love everything about you and I don’t want a life  
without you in it. I will never leave you. Love you.

Isak

* * *

**Noora A. Sætre**

(21:42) Yes, I love him.

(21:49) Haha. Good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know what to say right now.  
> I hope this didn't disappoint.  
> Thank you for all your comments and reviews as always. <33333 You encourage me to keep writing and put a smile on my face.   
> I might have been listening to O Helga Natt while writing this. I cried lol.
> 
> Even Bech Næsheim is an angel in all universes. <33


	8. Anything for you, baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus does a thing.  
> Isak waits for Even.  
> Jakob does a thing.  
> Even is left speechless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longish update. I like to stay away from cliches and predictable plots, so.. IDK.  
> *hugsss*  
> Warning: Mentions of sex.

When Isak woke up the next morning, two bodies were pressing against him on both sides.

“What the fuck is this?” Isak groaned.

“It’s called cuddling, Isak,” replied Vilde pushing him closer to her chest. “We’re cuddling you.”

“What the hell! Get your breasts off of me!” Isak disentangled himself from both Vilde and Eva who was spooning him from behind.

“Vilde read an article on the benefits of cuddling when you’re under a lot of stress. Some hormone helps you sleep and relax or something,” said Eva, now sitting on Isak’s bed.

“It’s called oxytoxin and it does wonders when you’re under stress,” said Vilde.

“First of all, it’s called oxytocin not oxytoxin. Second of all, get off my bed,” Isak replied.

“How do you know that?”

“Eva! I’m a bioscience major, remember? Besides what are _you_ doing here?”

“Okay, Isak please don’t be mad,” said Vilde, sitting up on her knees and taking his left hand. “But after what happened yesterday, I just didn’t know what to do. And Eva called me because I missed the ‘Relaxation’ club meeting, so I just told her what happened. I’m sorry. I didn’t write it on the groupchat and nobody else knows, though. I promise.”

Vilde looked remorseful and sincere. And while Isak’s first reaction would have been to yell some more, he was no longer that guy. So he just placed his right hand on top of hers instead.

“I’m not. I’m not mad, okay? I just. Thank you but you don’t need to do this. I’m fine really. It’s Even I’m worried about.”

Eva brought her hand up and ran her fingers in Isak’s hair.

“What the hell are you doing?” he shrieked.

“You’ve grown so much. I’m so proud of you,” she replied with a soft smile.  

Vilde got up and said something about making coffee and left Isak’s room. Isak was left with Eva on the bed.

“We used to be best friends, Isak. I want to be here for you. I want to be your friend again,” she said.

“Uh. Okay.”

“And I’m sorry about ‘ _fetishizing_ ’ your relationship with Even. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“ _Fetishizing?_ What are you talking about?” Isak was confused.

“Sana said that’s the word for it, what we’ve been doing in the groupchat. I’m sorry.”

She then hugged him and he let her.

**.**

**Eva Mohn added you to Original Bad Bitches**

* * *

**Unknown Number**

(09:12) Hi Isak. It’s Sonja. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for yelling at you yesterday

(09:12) I was so angry when he told me what you said but you didn’t know so

(09:13) Just don’t give up on him, yeah?

(09:16) I won’t

(09:16) thanks

(09:16) Cool. I swear i’m not that horrible of a person usually

(09:17) don’t worry about it

(09:17) I deserved it

(09:18) can you give me his parents’ address?

* * *

Isak was greeted by Even’s mother when he got to his house. She was warm and had the softest gaze. The softest eyes. _His eyes._

She recognized him immediately and gave him the warmest hug. Isak felt himself choke up.

“Isak, you’re even more handsome than in the pictures,” she said with a sad smile on her face. “Even is sleeping right now, so you should probably come back later.”

“Uh. Okay. Thank you,” he quickly wiped the tear that rolled on his cheek but she saw it.

She took his hand and looked at him with nothing but tenderness.

“He’s going to be okay, darling. Don’t cry.”

.

When Isak got back to his flat, he jumped when he saw Magnus in the living room.

“Bro! What the hell are you doing here?”

“Uhm. Vilde said it was an emergency so I took the first bus,” Magnus replied. “It’s really not that far, so.”

Isak turned to look at Vilde who avoided his gaze.

“What is this, Vilde?” he asked.

“Okay, so I’m not sure you know this, but Magnus’ mother is bipolar. I thought you guys could talk,” she replied.

Magnus looked confused.

“You freaked me the fuck out and called me crying to come here so that I could talk to Isak about my mother!?” Magnus asked.

“I’m sorry I lied. Okay? We can talk about this later. Let’s focus on Isak right now.”

“What about Isak?”

“I’m right here, stop talking about me like I’m not here!” Isak exclaimed.

“His boyfriend is bipolar, too. And Isak fucked up,” said Vilde.

Everyone stayed silent for a minute before Isak and Magnus spoke at the same time.

“Wait, you’re fucking gay?”

“Did you just fucking out me to Magnus?”

.

Magnus explained how Even was probably depressed in that moment, and how he should probably pay him a visit. Isak revealed that he had never seen Even sad or showing signs of depression before, and Magnus replied that depression wasn’t just a sad face.

“Perhaps you weren’t paying attention. Perhaps you were only seeing what you wanted to see,” said Magnus.

_I don’t deserve to have you._

Isak remembered the three weeks during which Even was unreachable after their first kiss and slapped himself on the forehead. He remembered the rumors and the ‘breaking into the pool’ story. Isak was so busy perceiving Even as this perfect pixie dream boy that he forgot to read between the lines. He was so unworthy.

Magnus then talked about how wonderful his mother was. Isak listened and smiled and laughed, then he hugged him and left him with Vilde in the flat.

Isak headed to the Computer lab and spent the rest of his day reading about bipolar disorder and mental illness. He buried his face in his hand and cried silently for a few minutes after reading about manic episodes and how brutal the fall could be.

_The signs were right there in front of me. Fuck._

_I’m so sorry baby._

* * *

**Even <3**

(01:06) im so sorry isak

(01:07) im sorry

* * *

Isak ran to Even’s house in his pyjamas with his heart threatening to fall out of his chest. He crossed the city in the dead of the night with wide eyes, tears falling erratically, and a chaotic brain expecting the worst.

_Depression can lead to suicidal thoughts._

When Even’s mother opened the door this time, her eyes were half closed and she was yawning. And when Isak reached Even’s room, he crumbled on the floor when he saw that he was safe, sleeping soundly.

.

When Even woke up the next day, Isak was spooning him, pressing his chest against his back.

“What are you doing here?” Even’s voice was groggy.

“I’m cuddling you. Cuddling releases oxytocin and helps you relax and sleep better.”

.

Isak developed a routine. He attended classes and ran back to Even’s as soon as it was over. He would think long and hard about some random story to tell him once he saw him. He held him close, played his favorite DVDs with a little help from Even’s mom (Pretty Woman? Really?), and took him on walks around the neighborhood. He never asked him how he was feeling because he read in a forum that it was the worst question to ask. Even would either lie about feeling good or grow annoyed with himself for not feeling it.

Instead, Isak held him every night, pressed kisses to his hair, and shushed him with tender kisses whenever Even whispered something about how he should leave.

It was tough, and Isak had never experienced helplessness as much as he did when he realized that he couldn’t make Even’s pain and hopelessness go away by simply hugging him or kissing him. So he waited, and waited, and waited. Silently on the bed, with smiles and kisses and open arms. Because Even had done it for him once. Because Even was worth waiting for.

.

Even’s smile slowly started re-appearing. And the first time he flashed Isak his full-on trademark grin after weeks of cloudy days, the younger boy nearly cried and kissed him breathless.

.

When Isak woke up to Even pressed against him with what seemed like morning wood, he gasped and quickly pulled out his phone.

* * *

**Magnus Fossbakken**

(10:08)

Even just woke up with a hard-on! It’s a good thing right?

I don't know. I don’t think my mom gets those

Wtf Isak don’t contact me again

Lol shit

* * *

When Even woke up, Isak was sitting on top of his legs, his fingers curling around his waistband.

“Isak, what are you doing?”

“Right now I’m taking off your pants, and after that I’m going to give you a blowjob.”

.

Isak’s favorite thing in the world was watching Even reach his peak of pleasure. His gaze would always get intense and he would writhe and groan in his deepest voice, burying his hands in Isak’s hair, looking for his boy’s eyes, and whispering things like ‘fuck, you’re so perfect’. It always sent Isak into a frenzy and he would never grow tired of it.

So he made sure Even could reach his hair, and he made sure Even could stare into his eyes, and he made sure Even could pull him from between his legs and taste himself in Isak’s mouth when he was done.

“I love you,” he said, chest heaving, forehead pressed against Isak’s, noses touching.

“I love you, too baby,” said the younger boy.

That's all Isak could do for now. It had to be enough. Yes, Isak kissed, and licked, and touched, and got on his knees. But he never had anyone inside him. He never trusted anyone enough with that. He was cynical and detached, but he always believed that it had to mean something. That becoming one person required feelings and trust. That you should at least want to drown in the other person's eyes. That the other person should at least mean the whole world to you.

_I think I'm ready._

.

“I feel like I’ve tricked you into falling in love with me,” whispered Even into Isak’s hair.

“What the fuck?” replied Isak from under his arm.

“I don’t know. You never signed up for this shit,” Even sighed.

Isak sat up straighter on the bench in the main square of the University where they had decided to ‘chill’, and looked at the taller boy beside him.

“What the hell are you talking about? What did I sign up for?”

“I don’t know. This? Me? My fucked up brain? I should have told you the first time I kissed you. I’m sorry.”

“Shut up.”

“I chased you around for months and never thought of telling you that I was fucked up. It wasn’t fair to you. Like you could be studying abroad right now or discovering the world, but you're stuck here with me instead. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Shut up, Even!” Isak was angry now. “Stop saying shit like this. You are not fucked up. Okay? And I don't want to fucking study abroad. I didn’t sign up for the dream version of you. I’m here for all of you, all your bits and pieces, even your terrible taste in music, okay?”

“Okay,” whispered Even. He looked like he was melting. So Isak kissed him on the mouth, deep and hard.

“Isak, is this okay? We’re in the main square,” Even said against his lips.

“Yes, we do PDA now, okay? I don’t care.”

So Even kissed him back and pulled him onto his lap and they made out for twenty one long minutes until they were both uncomfortable in their jeans.

.

Isak messed up. He went out with Jonas and Jakob to a school of Economics party, and took shots, multiple shots. Tequila, Vodka, Gin, Whiskey, anything he was offered.

“Gin shots? What the fuck Isak?” said Jakob.

He was so upset when Even wouldn’t come with him. So he kept downing them.

_“Baby, I want you to go out and get drunk and not worry about me for just one night.”_

_“But, I don’t want to go without you!”_

_“Do it for me, please?”_

* * *

**Even <3**

(02:01) Im so fckin drunk i kove h=u

(02:01) I lov e u

(02:02) man ofmy dreams

(02:02) i lovee youu so mucj

(02:03) haha <33333

* * *

Isak’s first thought when he came to was that those lips on his were not Even’s. So he pushed whoever was on top of him off the bed so hard that he heard a thud when they reached the floor.

He panicked for a good twenty seconds until he heard Jakob’s voice in the darkness.

“Isak.”

“Jakob! Jakob are you here? Where am I? Turn on the lights, I think someone is attacking me please. Someone is kissing me. Where are we? ”

But Jakob was just as drunk as he was as he had downed every single shot Isak did.

 _“Why are_ **_you_ ** _getting shitfaced?” Isak asked him when he downed his fifth tequila shot._

_“Because everything fucking hurts,” Jakob replied._

Jakob kissed him again when he climbed on the bed. And Isak shoved him harder than the first time.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” he screeched in horror.

“I don’t know. I’m so so drunk, Isak.”

“What the fuck?”

“Shit. Sometimes I think I love you or something. I just want to protect you all the time. You deserve everything you know.”

Isak stood there staring at Jakob’s silhouette in the dark. _That look. I invented that look._

Isak left Jakob in the room and stumbled out of the party.

* * *

**Even <3**

(03:04) EVNE! JAKOB KISSED ME IM SRRY

(03:06) wtf?

(03:06) where are you?

(03:06) are you okay baby?

(03:07) yes bby still at party

(03:07) can u pls come please

* * *

When Isak woke up the next morning, Even was playing with his hair.

“Shit!” he sat up.

“What?”

“Last night. Fuck. You were right! Jakob!”

“Shh. I know. You told me twenty times already.”

“I did?”

“Yes. When I got there, and then when I dragged out of the party, and in the cab, and when we reached your building, and when Vilde opened the door, and when you threw up the fourth time. Should I keep going?”

“Fucking hell. I don’t know where it came from. Oh my god, did you hit him?” Isak’s eyes were wide. Even laughed.

“Who? Jakob? No! He was throwing up when I got there and yelling something and Jonas dragged him away.” Even was smiling.

“Yelling what?”

“I don’t know. I think he loves you or something. It was pretty bad.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be, baby?” Even nudged his nose.

“I don’t know. You warned me about him and,”

“I don’t blame him for falling for you. Like gosh, look at me,” Even joked and it made Isak angry.

“Okay.”

* * *

**Vilde Hellerud Lien**

(14:23)

Is it normal that Even isn’t jealous?

What do you mean?

Like he didn’t react at all to the jakob thing

What jakob thing?

Whatever nevermind. Sometimes i forget you’re not actually inside my head

:’)

<3

You guys should fuck

He’ll show his true colors then

WTF VILDE!!!

:p

Gay sex sounds hot

ZERO CORRELATION

I’m sure he’s jealous as fuck

Remind him of it

DRAG IT OUT OF HIM

bye

* * *

**Jakob**

(15:30) Yo isak i’m such a fucking asshole. Sorry about the other night

(16:18) it’s cool

* * *

Isak nearly died at the convenience store and nearly died a second time when he found Even in his flat.

“What did you buy?” Even beamed, gesturing to the plastic bag Isak was carrying.

“Uhm. Nothing! Just uhm random stuff. Like you know uhm toothpaste you know.”

“You’re stuttering.”

“I’m not stuttering.”

“Yes, you are. What? Did Vilde make you buy tampons again?” Even asked, amused.

“Uh. Yeah. That’s it,” Isak lied and ran to Vilde’s room.

.

“Can you kiss me?” Isak asked.

“What kind of request is this?” Even smiled.

“The last person who kissed me was fucking Jakob. I feel weird. And-”

Isak couldn’t finish his sentence before Even lunged at him, kissing him and pushing him on his back onto the bed.

“Hmm. Yes. I like this,” Isak said between kisses.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes, I like your kisses better. Your lips are softer.”

Even tensed up.

_Got you._

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing,” Even replied before kissing Isak again, this time harder, biting his lower lip, threading his fingers in his hair with one hand, and pressing the other against his hipbone.

Isak pulled him closer and moaned against his mouth.

“Hm. I love it when you touch me like this. Your hands are bigger. I love your hands,” Isak was pushing and Even was about to crack. He pushed his hips upwards to grind against the taller boy and moaned louder.

“Nobody feels as good as you like this on top of me, Even.”

“Fuck.”

“What baby?” Isak asked.

“Nothing, I just.” Even stopped kissing him and looked him dead in the eyes.

“Fuck, I’m going crazy thinking about his hands touching you!”

_Haha._

“Fuck it! I’m gonna fucking kill him! How dare he fucking touch you?”

Like everything else in the world, jealousy looked good on Even Bech Næsheim. 

“He apologized to me already. I was joking. And he didn't touch me. He barely kissed me and he was wasted."

"I don't care."

"I just wanted to see if I could make you jealous. I'm an ass. Sorry. Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad. And wasted or not, you don't take advantage of your passed out friends." 

"Okay, but can this wait? I really need you to do something for me first,” said Isak before pushing his tongue into Even's mouth.

“What? What? Anything for you, baby, anything.” Even breathed into his lips.

Isak pulled back, panting, and bore his eyes into Even's. Blue and green. Green and blue. Isak and Even. Even and Isak. 

“Fuck. Me.”

 

* * *

**Original Bad Bitches**

(19:08)

Hey guys

girls*

Can you move your wine night elsewhere tonight?

Vilde: wtf Isak why?

Vilde: ???

I’m dragging it out of him

Eva: 

Sana: is this code name for sex or?

Eva: skdskkdjskdsh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL. oops.  
> .  
> The reaction to this fic continues to blow my mind.  
> Leave a comment if you liked this chapter, also leave one if you didn't haha. It really means the world <333333333\. THANK YOUUU.  
> .  
> Any idea what's coming?  
> .  
> Thoughts on Jakob? (I originally created him to create drama but I just grew so attached to him. I don't know. I don't think anyone who meets and spends time with Isak would intentionally hurt him.)


	9. I want it to be special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even do things.  
> Even schemes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was difficult for me to write this one. But here goes nothing. <3

When Isak left his room the next morning, he was greeted by Vilde and Eva who were having tea by the window.

“Hello sunshine! I just had to stop by and see your “I got some dick” face,” said Eva, a grin on her face.

“Whatever happened to not fetishizing my relationship with Even?” asked Isak, with a hint of meanness in his voice. “Besides, how do you know I’m the one who got dick? And why do you even care? Just stay out of my business!”

Isak went back to his room and slammed the door, leaving Eva and Vilde wide-eyed.

He lay on his bed and closed his eyes. He shouldn’t have sent that stupid message to the groupchat before even knowing if his plan would work.

.

“Fuck. Me.”

The words were out there suspended in the air between them, Even’s lips a breath away from Isak’s. The taller boy was rendered speechless and just stared at the boy pinned under his weight with the widest eyes.

The tension was killing Isak so he said it again, this time with no hint of humor or teasing in his voice, just plain lust and want and need.

“Fuck me, please. Please.”

“I. Uh. I don’t know. Isak, what, uh.” Isak had never seen Even stutter.

“Please. I’m ready. I promise. Please,” Isak whined, no longer caring if he sounded desperate.

“Baby, I don’t know. It’s your first time. And I don’t want -. I don’t even think we have what we need. I just.”

Isak interrupted his babbling with a filthy kiss. He bit his upper lip and rolled his hips against Even’s. He could barely recognize himself. When he pulled back, he took Even’s face in his hands.

“Even, we have everything we need, okay? Why do you think I was acting like an idiot when I got back from the convenience store?” He admitted.

Even looked at him for a few agonizing seconds before smiling.

“Isak. Did you hide your lube in Vilde’s room?” he asked.

“Shut up. Don’t say it out loud. Shit.”

“What? Lube? Oh my god. How are you ready? You’re not even close to being ready,” Even said while disentangling himself from Isak’s grip. The younger boy made an embarrassing attempt at grabby hands.

“No, no. no. What are you doing? Why are you getting up?”

“I’m going to get the LUBE -- did you hear that? LUBE! -- from Vilde’s room. Then I’m going to get you off and put you to sleep.”

“What? What the hell Even?”

“Isak. I just got out of a long shift at the film lab, and I’m tired.”

“What? Are you seriously telling me that you’re too tired to _fuck_ me? What?” Isak couldn’t believe this.

“Baby, please don’t be mad. Besides, all I can think about right now is fucking Jakob. And I don’t want to think about fucking Jakob while I make sweet love to you for the first time. Okay?”

“Make sweet love to me? Oh my god. You’re so cheesy, Even. I can’t believe you.” Isak’s face flushed.

.

Even got him off and put him to sleep. And Isak was back to being his old grumpy self.

* * *

**Eskild Tryggvason**

(14:03)

Hi!

you here?

Wow!! Isak!! You’re alive!! And you remember my existence!!

Wow so honored

Ugh nevermind

What is it? Tell your guru

Bye

Trouble in paradise?

ugh

Is it normal for a guy to turn you down when you desperately ask for it?

By a guy, you mean Even, your boyfriend, right?

??

Isak?

Ughhh okay so he doesn’t want to fuck me

Wow I didn’t need to know that but okay

And like I offered myself

I even put on a show to get him all jealous and riled up

But it backfired

Isak

Did you try to manipulate Even into having sex with you?

No wtf. I just said some shit about jakob

Who’s jakob

Doesn’t matter

Isak nobody wants to be manipulated into having sex

Especially if they care about you and from I’ve gathered Even does a lot

Put yourself in his shoes

Shit you think he’s mad because i pulled that stunt?

I don’t know you should maybe ask him

I fucking suck

Thanks!!

That’s it? No thank you my guru I look up to you and admire you

Bye Eskild

* * *

Isak was feeling terrible. _What an idiot. What were you thinking._

He felt especially guilty because he was well aware of how fragile Even was and how anything could easily get under his skin. Yet, he had played him to muffle his insecurities and get a false sense of belonging.

_I’m the worst boyfriend in the universe._

.

Isak spent the following week trying to make it up to Even, but the older boy just seemed busy all the time, always picking up more shifts at the film lab where he worked as an assistant.

“Are you coming over, tonight?”

“No, baby. I think you’ll be sleeping by the time I’m done.”

“I can wait for you,” Isak suggested on the phone.

“I don’t want you to do that. You need your beauty sleep, otherwise I might fall out of love with you.”

“Ugh.”

Isak grew restless and grumpy by the minute. He was back to being insufferable to everyone. So when Vilde told him that she was ‘done with his shit’, he admitted what was bothering him.

“Isak, you know that you can literally just talk to him, right?”

It was like a slap to the face. _Of course._

“And say what?”

“What you just told me! “ _Even why are you avoiding me, are you still mad I used the fact that poor Jakob kissed me to make you jealous, why won’t you fuck me when I’m the prettiest boy in the world_ ” Something like this,” said Vilde.

“I’m not the prettiest boy in the world. And you make it sound so stupid.”

“That’s because it is stupid! And you are the prettiest boy in the world to him. He might have told me once or twice,” Vilde winked and Isak melted.

.

Isak took a huge breath and blurted everything out to Even who just stared at him adoringly.

“You’re so cute,” he said before pecking him on the lips and gently pressing him on the wall.

“What?”

“Is this why you’ve been tiptoeing around me?” Even asked, hands on his waist in the deserted film lab.

“Uh. Yes.” The taller boy was staring at him so hard that Isak couldn’t help but blush.

“I’m not mad about the Jakob thing. You’re forgiven. I promise,” Even said, moving one hand to Isak’s face and letting it ghost over his bottom lip. The younger boy quivered.

“And baby,” he whispered. “I want to fuck you so bad, it hurts.”

Isak actually let out a moan and quickly placed his hands over his mouth. Even laughed and took a step back.

“I just want it to be special, okay?”

“Shit,” Isak was still heaving.

“Now, you should go before they fire me.”

“Even, nobody’s here,” Isak managed.

“There’s cameras everywhere.”

Isak ran home with his backpack hiding the front of his jeans.

* * *

**Even <3333 **

(11:13) Hey <3\. Eva is inviting us to an Easter thing at her house. Wanna go?

(11:13) It’s this saturday

(11:15) Is it okay if I ditch?

(11:15) Yeah sure. Your family gets priority :)

(11:15) No. You do. We both ditch. You and me.

* * *

When Even told Isak they were going on a daytrip in his mother’s car, he didn’t expect that that they would end up in snow-covered mountains in the middle of nowhere.

“Even, where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

When they parked in front of a cabin and Even pulled out keys from his pocket, Isak let the ugly part of him take over.

“Even, are you, are you perhaps manic?” he asked hesitantly.

“Ugh. No? I don’t have to be manic to do nice things, Isak,” Even replied, rolling his eyes and dragging him inside by the hand.

“Hey! That’s my thing!” teased Isak.

“I worked hard to afford this. I picked up shifts and worked like a dog, the least you could do is let me roll my eyes,” said Even before pressing him against the door the moment it closed.

Isak's breathing hitched and his eyes softened. He loved this ridiculous boy so much. _So so much._

“Shit, Even. You didn’t have to? I feel like such an ungrateful loser. I gave you so much crap for working at the lab.”

“It’s okay. I understand. It was tough keeping it from you.”

“How much did this cost? I can pay half if you want? I saved up a bit,” Isak said.

But Even kissed him hard and deep, and pushed against his hips, making him writhe and moan.

“Shh. No more talking, baby.”

He then placed his hands on the back of Isak’s thighs and lifted him higher against the door.

“What, what are you doing?” Isak was panting.

Even pulled back from his neck and stared into his eyes.

“Right now I’m pressing you against this door, and after that I’m going to fuck you.”

Isak let out a gasp as his knees gave out. He was suddenly very thankful for Even’s hands gripping the back of his thighs.

“Shit, Even,” Isak breathed.

“What?”

“Is this why you said no to me? Because you were planning on bringing me here?”

“Yes, I wanted it to be special,” Even replied honestly.

“You’re so cheesy, oh my god.” He laughed against his lips and let the older boy carry him to the bedroom, wherever that was.

.

“How do you want me? Should I lie on my stomach?”

“No, baby. I want to see your eyes.”

.

“Please, please, I’m ready,” Isak whined under Even’s careful hands and concentrated gaze.

“No. Not yet.”

“Please, Even. Please.” Isak was a mess.

“I don’t want to hurt you. Trust me. This is important.” Even kissed his forehead before diving back down between his legs.

.

When Even first pushed into him, Isak swore he could see stars. He cried and winced in pain, and was writhing and panting beneath the taller boy.

So Even kissed him, and licked into his mouth, and ran his hands over his stomach, and soothed, and whispered sweet sweet nothings.

“I know. I know, baby.” He kissed him. “Breathe.” He kissed him again. “Relax, Isak. I got you. I got you, baby.”

.

Isak was still crying by the time Even had found his rhythm, but it was no longer from pain. So he grabbed a handful of his hair, and met him halfway, moaning through every push.

“I love you,” he whispered against his lips. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Even was a true mess on top of him, muscles clenching, lips parted, eyes dark and full of lust, sweat dripping from his forehead.

“So perfect for me, baby,” Even repeated over and over again in the crook of his neck, against his lips, into his hair. “So beautiful. I love you so much. You’re so perfect.”

So Isak tugged harder and pushed his hips higher and moaned like he could die right there with Even between his legs.

“Even, please,” he whined once, twice, and then lost count, not really sure what he was even asking for.

Everything he had ever done or said or lived felt insignificant at that moment. Nothing else mattered. Nothing but the sound of their bodies becoming one, nothing but Even’s blue eyes looking the darkest he had ever seen them, nothing but Even’s thumb on his lower lip whispering “Look at me, open your eyes, Isak. Look at me, baby.”

Nothing Isak had read about in the countless forums he had frequented prepared him for the trembling that took over his body. It felt like he was falling, like his entire body was on fire, like something was building inside of him, all of him, and was threatening to spill at any moment, taking him down with it.

Isak had only read about pure bliss, but he knew it when he felt it. So he bit Even’s shoulder to muffle an embarrassing scream.

"E-Even!"

He was whole again.

.

“Oh my god. Oh my god!” Isak was still reeling as Even wiped his tears from his face and started soothing and massaging his legs.

“Isak, did I hurt you?”

“Oh my god, Even! I don’t think I ever felt anything like that. I need a minute. I feel like crying again. Holy shit. Cuddle me.”

.

They tried to cook but ended up burning the food.

“Pass me the cardamom, Isak, please.”

“No.”

“No?” Even scoffed, turning his head to look at Isak who was only wearing one of Even’s t-shirts.

“No.”

“Baby, you need food inside of you.”

“The only thing I need inside of me is you.”

Even dropped the spatula he was holding.

\--

When they headed back to the city and stopped by Even’s parents’ house, Isak felt like combusting right there under Even’s mother’s eyes.

“Isak, darling, you’re glowing today. Did you have fun in the mountains?” she said as Even went inside to grab some Easter goodies.

The younger boy’s face was flushed and he squirmed as bits of their weekend started flashing through his mind.

_“Even, harder, please. Yes. Yes. Yes”._

_Shit._

“Yes, it was lovely. Thank you for allowing us to take your car.”

“My pleasure, Isak.” She rested her hand on his shoulder and he leaned into the touch.

“Thank _you_ for making my boy so happy. A mother’s ultimate joy is always her children’s.”

* * *

**Mamma**

(18:19)

Happy Easter mamma. This is Isak. I hope you’re  
doing okay. I’m dating a boy and his name is Even.   
You’d love him. Everybody does. I’m sorry if I’m  
disappointing you or breaking your heart. I never  
wanted to do that. Someone told me that all mothers  
are happy when their children are happy. I’m so happy  
mamma and I want you to be happy, too. Love. Isak.

(10:53)

To Isak, my son: from the first second I saw you  
on June 21, 1999 at 21:21, I have loved you, and  
I always will.

* * *

"Hi Isak! How was your Easter sex trip with Even?" Vilde and Eva greeted him the moment he got back from Even's flat.

"Fucking amazing," replied Isak.

.

“We should go study abroad, Isak,” said Even while casually downing his coffee.

“What? Again with this study abroad crap?” Isak rolled his eyes.

“It’s not crap, bro. I’m considering applying, too,” said Jonas looking up from his book.

They were in the campus cafeteria.

“Why? We’re in Norway. Education is free and is actually good. Why would you want to go anywhere else?” Isak asked.

“Why not?” said Jonas. “You get to travel for months and it’s cheaper because you get to stay on campus housing. And you don’t actually have any responsibilities. _When_ would you travel? When you start working and have to beg for a few vacation days?”

“Who says I want to travel?” said Isak.

“Isak!” said Jonas and Even at the same time.

“Okay, okay. Maybe I want to travel but like there’s no rush. Besides we live in Scandinavia, we can go anywhere in Europe and don’t need to spend months somewhere.”

“Did you know UiO has bilateral agreements with freaking Japan? How cool is that?” said Jonas.

“Jonas, I don’t want to go all the way to Japan. Like, I don’t speak Japanese and communicating in English will be weird.”

“They speak English in Japan, too, baby,” said Even.

“First of all, don’t ‘baby’ me in public. Second, that’s not what I meant.”

“We can always go to America, _**baby** _. University of San Diego has an awesome Visual Arts program and it’d be close to Hollywood. And UC Berkeley has this amazing Molecular and Cell Biology program, right up your alley.”

“America? What the hell, Even? That’s on the other side of the globe, and they have Trump. Not to mention that they make people pay for education,” said Isak.

“Well yes, but bilateral programs means that you don’t pay tuition and stuff,” Even replied.

“Yeah man, it’s actually really interesting and UiO has partnerships with both these schools,” added Jonas.

Isak squinted his eyes.

“What is this? How do you know so much about this stuff, both of you?”

They both stayed silent until Isak repeated himself.

“Shit. Okay. Jakob might have mentioned that you stopped and stared at a poster of UC Berkeley’s biology program thing a month ago or something. And he might have said that you googled it on your phone and called it "a dream of yours" or something. And I might have told Even,” said Jonas.

“What the hell?! You’re scheming with Jakob who hasn’t spoken to me in weeks behind my back?”

“Well, we talked and he’s “really fucking sorry”. He came to see me which was very nice of him. Cool dude. Jonas is still giving him shit though,” said Even.

“What in the world? How dare you manipulate me into going to America? And since when are you and Jonas even close?” Isak was confused.

The two boys fist-bumped.

“You fist bump now? Oh my god. Bye!”

.

Isak got admitted to the UC Berkeley program as planned, but Even didn’t get into UC San Diego.

.

“I’m not fucking going.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No! I’m not going without you. Besides how could they not admit you, what the fuck?” Isak was throwing his limbs around the campus main square, furious.

Even looked him in the eyes, kissed him deep and slow, and brushed his thumb over Isak’s jaw.

“It doesn't matter. I was never going to be issued a student visa with my breaking and trespassing history, anyways,” Even laughed.

"How dare you laugh and smile right now?"

"Because you're going to live your dream, baby. You're going to shine and do amazing things. I'm so excited for you to see the world."

Isak just stared at him with wet eyes, a swollen heart, and tightness in his chest. 

_"I'll give you the world."_

_But to me, you are the world._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL. Don't worry I will not go down the angst route. I mean it will be slightly angsty because feelings, but nothing over the top. They're practically married now.  
> Leave a comment if you felt something. It took me so much time and effort to write THAT scene. You know which one.
> 
> What do you think of Jonas and Even (& Jakob) joining efforts to get Isak to live his dream?


	10. Missed me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even take a stab at long distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have gone slightly crazy with the word count in this chapter. I could have split it into two chapters but I don't know. I just had SO much to say. sorry. fjskkdjsjkds

“That sounds awesome, Isak. Cool for you,” said Vilde when he announced that Even and Jonas were bullying him into going to California for a semester.

She then picked up her laptop from the kitchen table, and spent the rest of the day in her room.

It was a beautiful and sunny day in May, and Vilde never locked herself in her room when it was beautiful and sunny.

.

“Vilde? I’m going to the store. Do you need anything?” Isak asked, propped in front of her room.

“No. I don’t need anything, Isak. I’ll buy my own fucking crap from now on,” she replied.

“Wow, what the hell?” Isak opened her door. “What happened? Why are you yelling at me?”

“Oh, I don’t know! Maybe because you’re leaving to fucking California and never thought of fucking telling me? Me! Isak, we lived together for a fucking year. I fed you and cleaned after you and cuddled you when you were having your existential crisis. The least you could fucking do is tell me! Fuck you!”

Isak stood there, mouth gaping slightly, gaze softening, staring at Vilde who was in her bed watching something on her laptop and eating chocolate. Vilde never ate in bed.

“Oh my god, Vilde,” Isak sighed, his heart warming up a little bit. “I’m telling you right now, Jesus! I don’t even know if I’m going. I applied like a month ago but I didn’t think I’d get it. And it’s just five months. I wouldn’t be leaving forever. You’re so fucking dramatic.”

Vilde grabbed one of her pillows and threw it at him.

“I hate you!”

“Sure. Whatever, but stop eating in bed. You’ll mess up the sheets and it’s my turn to do laundry this week,” said Isak, walking towards her bed and making her scoot over so that he could sit down next to her.

“What are you doing?”

“Right now, I’m about to hug you, Vilde. And after that I’m dragging you to the store so that you can buy your own fucking crap.”

.

Isak cancelled his flight four times in two months.

“That’s it. I’m not fucking going.”

“Isak, baby, I’m tired. Can we have this conversation for the twenty ninth time tomorrow?” said Even, his chin propped on top of Isak’s head, his arms around the younger boy’s back.

“I don’t need to go to Berkeley to become involved in cell biology research. Like we have good research here, too! Besides, they want me to pay insurance, what the fuck? It’s like seven thousand kroner. What the hell is this country?”

“Isak, you can afford that. You’ve been working hard all summer at your lab,” said Even, his eyes closed.

“I’m not going. I don’t want to. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I leave you for some fancy school? Besides, I can’t spend five months away from you. What the fuck?”

“Yes, baby you can. We’ll skype every day. I’ll even make a snapchat for you.”

“Even, the time difference is horrible! And it’s so warm in there. You know I hate it when it’s hot. And I read that their coffee tastes disgusting. Also, everything is expensive in America, and I don’t want to have to call my dad and ask for money. Besides, what if you need me? I won’t be able to just fly back here overnight, and -”.

Even shut him up with a kiss, soft and tender, one of those kisses that made Isak forget his name and train of thought, one of those toe-curling Even kisses.

“That’s not fucking fair. You can’t just interrupt me like this,” Isak sighed after their lips parted.

“Yes, I can. And Isak, I won’t need you to fly here overnight. I’m bipolar, not a child. I don’t need you looking after me every second of every day. I can take care of myself. And I promise you I will. I will be very careful, for you. Okay?” Even said, pressing one kiss to his forehead.

Isak melted into it and curled into the taller boy, hiding his face the crook of his neck.

“Fuck, Even. It’s me who needs you around every second of every day. I don’t know how I’ll fucking survive,” he whispered against his skin, closing his eyes and allowing himself to be honest for a minute.

Even tightened his grip and held Isak closer.

“You will. If anyone can do this. It’s you and me,” said Even.

“What if, what if you stop wanting me when I’m there. I just -” Isak asked hesitantly, snuggling closer, still hiding from Even’s eyes as he couldn’t face him while his insecurities came running to the surface.

“Isak, what the fuck, baby?” Even disentangled himself and sat up. “I would never! I chased you for months remember?”

“But you could see me every day.”

“You’re so ridiculous. I’ll die before I stop wanting you, okay?”

“Jesus, you’re so cheesy. I can’t deal with you. _You’ll die before you stop wanting me_? What the hell? Where do you get these horrible lines?” Isak was smiling and hiding his face in his hands, still sprawled on the bed.  

“Stop hurting me and making fun of my lines. I mean every word,” said Even, smiling and taking Isak’s hands and pushing them away from his face.

Isak had tears in his eyes and Even kissed every single one away.

“I. Will. Never. Stop. Wanting. You,” he said, punctuating every word with a kiss somewhere on Isak’s face. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Isak was blushing.  

“Now, let’s fuck!” Even said with a grin.

“What? What the-. I thought you were tired,” Isak said, chest slightly heaving.

“Well, I’m not anymore,” said Even, now straddling Isak. “I want to show you just how much I want you.”

“Fuck yes.” Isak reached out to discard his own pants, but Even grabbed his wrists.

“No.”

“No?”

“No. You stay still. That’s my job,” said Even. “I need you to be a good boy. Can you do that for me, baby?”

“Ugh, yes. Fuck yes. Oh my god,” Isak yelped.

.

“Do you have any idea how hot you are, Isak?”

.

“Even, sometimes I think I don’t deserve you.”

* * *

**Vilde Hellerud Lien**

(01:12)

For fuck’s sake! Can you tell Even to stop banging the headboard against the fucking wall? I’m trying to sleep!

(09:07)

haha shit

* * *

Isak’s flight was on August 21st at two in the afternoon, and Eva’s was the next day. She was going to the University of Tennessee to “experience America”.

Vilde threw them a big party the night before Isak’s flight at _her_ place now that Isak had moved out. His room was still unoccupied. She was still screening potential roommates.  

.

Isak stayed away from alcohol as he didn’t want to end up being emotional and doing something stupid. Vilde was already crying by 22:00.

Isak couldn’t help but shudder when he saw Jakob in the pool of faces at the party. _Stay calm. Stay calm._

“Hi, Jakob!”

A girl was clinging to his shirt, so Jakob politely asked her to give them a minute.

“Wow, a girl?” Isak teased.

“Bisexuals? Ever heard of them?” Jakob teased right back, a shy smile on his face.

“I should have known the moment you started calling me your ‘pretty boy’”.

“I knew the moment you said you wanted to talk about ‘ _manly things’_ to be honest. It was adorable,“ admitted Jakob, chuckling.

Isak went silent at that and started looking for Even’s eyes around the room.

“Shit. I’m making this weird as fuck. I’m sorry,” Jakob was back to being a stuttering mess. “I’m, I’m actually here to apologize again for the mess last semester. I really hate myself for what I did. And I understand if you never want to be my friend again, Isak.”

“Jakob. It’s fine. It’s okay. I’m almost over it,” said Isak.

“Well, I’m moving out next semester because Jonas pretty much hates me, too. But I wanted to give you something.”

“What?”

Jakob pulled out a small box from his pocket and handed it to Isak.

“What is this?”

“Open it.”

It was a small pocket knife, like the Swiss Army ones, but fancier. Isak was confused.

“In case, some other fucking asshole tries to jump you when you’re passed out,” smiled Jakob.

“Bro, what the fuck? This is fucked up. Are you encouraging me to stab someone? You know I can’t take this into the plane right?”

“Yes, you can. I googled it. Just check it in your luggage if you want.”

“You’re fucking crazy,” said Isak.

“Yeah well. It was my dad’s, and when he gave it to me I just thought of you,” said Jakob. “You don’t have to actually use it. I would prefer if you just use it to cut random stuff, not people.”

Isak smiled back and was suddenly relieved when he felt familiar hands on his waist.

“Oh hi, Jakob. Trying to steal my boyfriend again?” said Even.

“Ugh, fuck you.” Jakob rolled his eyes, walking away. “But thanks for inviting me, Even.”

“No problem.”

.

“Jakob gave you a knife!?” Even asked, a bit puzzled.

“Yeah and he kind of implied that I should have stabbed him when he pulled that crap. It was so bizarre, considering he hasn’t spoken to me face to face since the incident.”

“Yeah, about that.” Even paused. “I might have told him to stay the fuck away from you once. I’m sorry.” He looked remorseful.

“Aw, you did?” Isak was smiling so wide. He probably looked ridiculous.

“Yes.” Even was looking at the floor, so Isak made him look up by lifting his chin with his index finger.

“And why did you do that, baby?” Isak asked, eyes full with anticipation.

“Uhm, because you don’t, uh, molest your passed out friends.”

“Why else, baby?” Isak’s eyes were shining and Even just stared into them.

“Because you’re mine,” he replied, voice raspy and low, before kissing him breathless in front of everyone they knew.

Possessive Even was almost Isak’s favorite Even.

.

Isak grew more and more emotional as the party started coming to a close. Vilde hugged him six times, Jonas kissed him on the cheek twice, and even Sana told him she would miss him. By the time everybody was out, it was just Even and him in the flat, Vilde having left to spend the night at Eva’s.

Isak made jokes as he emptied beer cans into the sink, but Even didn’t laugh. Even always laughed at his jokes.

Instead, he hugged him from behind and swayed their bodies together for a few minutes.

“I’m going to miss you so fucking much,” Even whispered into his hair.

Isak tensed up and felt tears gathering around his eyes. _Shit. Don’t cry. You’ll make him upset._

“Well, I’m going to miss you, too,” he smiled instead, turning around in Even’s arms.

They made out for twenty two minutes until they were very uncomfortable in their jeans.

“Even.”

“Yes, baby.”

“I need you, I need you inside me.”

“Okay.”

.

Isak was pinned under Even in his old bed, with no sheets, feeling slightly bad for whoever was going to inherit that mattress. After Ever deemed that he was ready, Isak flipped them around so that he was straddling him.

“Isak, what are you -”

“I want to ride you.”

“Shit, okay.”

.

Isak’s confidence lasted a good moment before inevitable tears started rolling down his cheeks. Even knew what those tears meant. He knew what those tears said. _Please ask me to stay._ Of course he did. So, he sat up, with Isak still on him, wrapped his arms around his back, and met him halfway.

.

When Isak wouldn’t stop crying and could no longer push back against him, Even flipped them around and laid him on his back.

“Don’t cry, baby. Please, don’t cry,” he whispered into his ear.

So Isak reached up and hugged him as Even pushed into him like his whole world was about to crumble.

“Even, don’t stop. Please.”

Isak cried until he no longer could.

_Please tell me to stay. Please._

Even didn’t.

.

When Isak woke up in the middle of the night, Even was crying silently by the window.

.

Isak was the last one to board the plane as he kept running back from the security line to hug and whisper nonsense to Even, who lifted him off the floor every single time.

They both cried in each other’s arms, causing some people around them to stop and tear up as well.

“Go Isak, just go before I fucking die right here in this airport.”

.

Isak cried for the first three hours on the plane under his sleep mask, until he felt something in pocket: a note from Even.

 

 

> _Dear Isak,_
> 
> _Don’t cry. I love you. You are the love of my life. I’m broken thinking I won’t be able to touch you, hear you laugh, and sleep next to you for months. But we can make it._
> 
> _I’m so proud of you. You are the brightest and smartest person I know. You deserve this. You deserve everything._
> 
> _Love you._
> 
> _Even_

.

 

Isak hated everything about America. He hated the coffee. He hated the big cars and the excessive use of air conditioning. He hated the fact that he could never tell the temperature or distances ‘ _What the fuck is fahrenheit? What the fuck is an inch?’_. He hated the fact that everything was backwards like the way doors locked, the fact that the first floor was actually the ground floor, and the fact that prices didn’t include tax.

But most of all, he hated the fact that Even was not there.

.

“Even, talk to me!” he whined on Skype.

“Baby, I’m working on my script for the competition.”

“I had to wake up at 6AM for this!”

“You mean 6 o’clock, right? Oh boy.”

.

They skyped everyday for the first three weeks. Even never missed a day and Isak woke up at dawn if he had to.

“So your roommate huh? What’s his name again? Logan?”

“Even, I hate him. Can you believe I have to share a room with the guy? Why do they make people share rooms. It’s torture!”

“Well, just make sure he doesn’t try some shit when you’re sleeping.”

“Even, he’s as straight as they come.”

“Last time you said that, that guy turned out to be in love with you,” Even teased.

“Can we stop talking about Jakob already, oh my god.”

.

Isak and Even got kinky during their skype sessions. But it came a stop when Logan opened the door and found Isak panting, half naked in front of his computer, and speaking Norwegian to someone who was definitely a guy.

.

“Even, I think he’s traumatized.”

“He’ll get over it,” Even laughed.

.

“So tell me about your classes.”

“Even, everything is so fucking easy here. I think that’s why people pay money to go to school because it’s so fucking easy!”

“Isak, everything is not easy. You’re just too smart.”

.

Isak told Even about his classes and about how much he loved going into some of the big labs. And Even listened and nodded through the camera and beamed. And Isak loved him so much.

By his third week, one of his Molecular Cell Biology professors pulled him aside after class, and Isak expected her to comment on the fact that he was obnoxious to everyone and corrected people when they were so obviously wrong. _Sana would be proud._

Instead, she asked him if he wanted to join her research group as a part-time intern. He wouldn’t have actual responsibilities and wouldn’t have to work countless hours, but he would get access to some of the key experiments and research.

.

“Even, she said I have potential. Oh my god. I’m so happy?”

“I’m so fucking proud of you, Isak.”

.

Isak was no longer able to wake up at the crack of dawn and was tired most of the time when he got back from the lab. Even didn’t resent him. He just got busy, too, working at the Visual media lab and working on screenplays.

They sent each other ridiculous snaps and tagged each other in random pictures.

.

“Why are you snapping me a picture of a wall, Isak?”

“We have a 27 day streak, Even. We can’t break it.”

.

Isak started going out and spending time with the other exchange students. One French girl in particular, Marine, reminded him of Vilde, so he stuck to her side. He watched her self-destruct every Friday night and dragged her back to campus when boys started getting too handsy around her.

“You’re so fucking cute, Isak. Why do you have to be gay?” she said.

Isak stayed silent.

“Wait, was that a rude thing to say? I’m sorry. I’m so drunk.”

.

When Marine started tagging Isak in pictures with captions like “He buys me tampons”, he got furious messages from Vilde.

.

**@ElleVilleVillde You’re the only one for me, Vilde. I promise <3**

.

Isak got drunk once on Halloween. He didn’t dress up because he was Isak. But he snuggled to a tall blond boy and called him Even.

When he opened his eyes, he quickly flinched away from the boy’s side.

“You’re not my boyfriend!” he said in English.

“No, but I could be.”

Isak got escorted out of the party for pulling the little pocket knife Jakob had given him on the blond boy.

.

“Shit, Even. I almost got deported. And this guy told everyone that I tried to stab him. Fuck! I was so drunk. And guess what? When I went to Dunkin’ Donuts the next day, he was behind the counter. I was mortified!”

Even laughed and told him to stop carrying that knife with him everywhere.

.

“Even, they put cinnamon in their fucking coffee? What the fuck?”

.

“Even, the lab director let me handle my own experiment today. I almost cried.”

“So proud of you, baby.”

.

Isak was going to meet up with Eva on the Veterans day weekend and they were going on a roadtrip to the Grand Canyon.

But on the second week of November, Even started calling him at the most random times, sending him thirty four snaps in a row, and tagging him in fifty six posts at a time. So when Isak woke up to ninety eight unread messages from Even, he cried into the palms of his hands.

.

He had never felt as helpless as he did when he realized that Even was spiraling out of control oceans away. All he could do was cry and yell on the phone.

“Vilde! Please go call his mom. Please!”

“Sonja? Can you check on Even. I think something’s wrong! Please!”

“Mikael, please text me if he comes home.”

.

“Pappa, please, please. I’ve never asked you for anything in my life. Please, please book me a flight to Oslo! I don’t have enough money! Please. I feel like I’m going to die! Please, Pappa. I’m begging you,” he sobbed on the phone as Marine held his hand.

* * *

**Sonja**

Hi Isak. Even has been hospitalized

but he’s okay right now. He didn’t

sleep for several days and made a

mess in his lab. But his parents are

handling it. It was a bit intense this

time that’s why they took him to the

hospital but don’t worry. He wouldnt

want you to worry.

* * *

Isak’s father couldn’t book him an immediate flight and said he had to wait a few weeks.

“What the fuck? Are you shitting me? You’re telling me that no flight goes to fucking Oslo right now? Fuck you! I knew I couldn’t count on you!”

.

Isak calmed down once he found an e-mail from Even’s mother in his inbox.

 

> _Isak darling,_
> 
> _Don’t worry. Even will be fine. He worked excessively and didn’t stick to his sleeping schedule. I think it ignited a chain reaction and he went off his meds after that. He’s leaving the hospital tomorrow and I will update you from there. I told your parents not to book you a flight if you asked them to. Even asked me to a few weeks ago. I think he knew he was slipping._
> 
> _Take care of yourself my dear._

* * *

**Pappa**

I’m sorry for the mean things I said 

on the phone the other day. I just

spoke with Even’s mom.

It’s okay, Isak.

* * *

Isak spent thanksgiving break looking at his computer screen, whispering nonsense to Even who was either sleeping or simply not looking at the screen.

“I’m sorry I broke my promise.”

“No, please. Even. Don’t say that.”

“Sometimes, I wish I could disappear. But then I remember that I could never do that to you.”

.

Isak sobbed in the library, Logan having complained about how he was always on the phone and skyping in their room. So Isak cried in the middle of the Linguistics section of the library until a lady came to him and asked him if he needed medical assistance.

“No. What I need is to be on a plane to freaking Oslo!”

.

It was hard and Isak had to make a few trips to the counseling center because one of his professors wrote them about his erratic behavior in class.

He refused to talk about it for the first few sessions. But when the counselor told him that he could no longer keep things to himself, everything came tumbling down as tears made it to his neck. It was a snowslide, an avalanche. He couldn’t stop.

“The most important person to me in the whole universe is on the other side of the globe feeling like shit and doing his best not to stay alive and sane, and I’m here in fucking california enjoying the sun and living my fucking dream. I fucking hate myself!”

.

The counselor prescribed him things which he simply refused to take.

Eva surprised Isak with a visit on the first weekend of December, and they slept on the same bed as she held him close and played with his hair.

.

It got better. And by the second week of December, Even was back to his lab and back on his snapchat, all smiles.

When Isak opened Even’s instagram and found a picture of both of them that he remembered taking the previous summer with the caption **“My baby comes home in two weeks”** , he cried in the middle of his Stem Cells lecture.

.

“Baby, let’s get frisky.”

“Even, I’m in the library studying for my finals.”

“Find a quiet spot and put on headphones.”

“Oh my god.”

Isak almost got caught and almost choked right there in front of Even’s eyes on the other side of the screen. The older boy laughed so hard that Isak felt like crying again.

“Gosh I missed the sound of your laugh so fucking much.”

“You’ll get to see it firsthand soon, baby.”

.

“Guess who won the best screenplay competition?” Even said on the phone.

“Holy shit. I knew it! I told you, you would win! I cried reading it.”

“Baby, you cry at everything.”

“Fuck off!”

.

Isak aced all of his finals and got a letter of recommendation from his lab director and two of his professors despite his two-week hiccup.

UC Berkeley and UiO were research partners. So when he was told that he got admitted to the Norwegian Center for Stem Cell Research back in Oslo upon recommendation from faculty at Berkeley, he all but died from happiness.

* * *

**Even <3333**

Omg Even I got into the center for

Stem Cell Research in oslo!! That’s 

like only for people in the university

hospital! I’m so happpyyyyyyyyyy

* * *

Even didn’t reply immediately and it was okay because it was 2 in the morning in Oslo. But when he didn’t reply for the following twelve hours, Isak started to worry.

.

When he texted Vilde about it, she said he was probably busy with something, and that he looked completely normal the last time she had seen him. When he e-mailed Even’s mom, she said that he was probably very concentrated in his lab.

Isak stared at his phone, eyes squinting.

.

Isak had another ten days left in America, and he hated it. He spent hours on the phone trying to change his flight date, but it was the holidays and he couldn’t find anything. He was debating whether he should get an Airbnb somewhere cheap after the campus closed around Christmas. He had absolutely no desire to travel.

.

Logan had just left campus for the holidays, so Isak had the entire room to himself. He lay on the floor and left the cheesiest voice message on Even’s messenger.

“I’d give anything to be next to you right now.”

.

Even didn’t read that message either, and Isak was properly worried now. He was leaving his room to upgrade his phone plan so that he could place actual phone calls to Norway, when he heard two girls around the corner talking about some _crazy tall dude with a cute accent looking for the prettiest boy in the world in the main hall._

.

Isak took the stairs because he couldn’t wait for the elevator. He ran with his heart beating insanely in his chest, his limbs completely out of sync and threatening to cause him to fall embarrassingly, and his mind screaming _OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD._

.

When he spotted the perfectly styled blond hair across the hall by the reception desk, Isak let out an actual scream.

“I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU!” he yelled in Norwegian.

“Oh my god! What the fuck? What the fuck?!”

Even dropped his bag on the ground and opened his arms just in time for Isak to lunge at him. They crashed so hard that Even lost his balance and fell to the floor with Isak on top of him.

Their lips met somewhere in the middle, Isak completely melting into Even while the older boy gripped him hard.

Even kissed him so passionately that he felt it in his bones, in his soul, wherever that was. When their lips parted, blue met green and green met blue. Isak’s chest was going to burst. _I’m whole again._

“Missed me, baby?” Even smiled.

“How are you here?! What the fuck, Even?!” Isak was crying.

Even sat both of them up and ran his hands all over Isak’s face, gently and carefully, as if to make sure that he was real and right there in front of him, as if he was painting him. The younger boy leaned into the touch and closed his eyes briefly.

_Nothing could ever compare to your touch._

“I’m the world’s biggest sap, remember? I have a reputation to keep up with. Besides, you know I hate the thought of you spending Christmas alone,” Even said.

Isak kissed him again, right there in the deserted hall because everyone had already left for the holidays.

They were both on their knees barely breathing against each other’s mouths, like two bits of the same soul, like two pieces of the same heart.

They were whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing this. lol. sorry. I really wanted to go over all of this so that the next chapter is nothing but fluff.  
> I've studied abroad and it was honestly one of the best decisions. The relationships that survive become stronger and the connections you make with people along the way are so important.  
> I've personally seen couples reuniting/surprising each other on campus before, and it usually went something like that. Falling and crying and kissing. Haha.  
> \--
> 
> I'm also thinking of adding one chapter which will be from Even's POV, so that we end up with 12 chapters. Yay or Nay? 
> 
> \--  
> As always thank you for your support, kind words, kudos, comments, and reviews. Means the entire world to me. So thank youu <333333 Thank you also to everyone translating this fic to Chinese. I'm overwhelmed by the response!!


	11. Practically married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even travel.  
> Isak is in love, alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kills me to upload this lol.

“Kiss me.”

“What? No!”

“Isak, kiss me.”

“No! This is so fucking corny! I hate this. Why are you making me do this in front of all these people?”

The man trying to take their picture was starting to lose patience. He had asked Even to take a picture of his wife and him, and Even had asked for one in return.

“Isak.” He lifted his chin with his index finger. “Kiss. Me.”

So Isak did. He wrapped his arms around Even’s waist and kissed him as the taller boy held his face. It was quick and sweet, a “I hate you for making me do cheesy shit but I love it and I love you” kiss.

They were in Times Square doing the corniest things as Isak rolled his eyes and complained about how much he hated everything.

“Even, if you post that picture anywhere, I’m breaking your phone. And I hate this. I hate doing tourist stuff.”

“Baby, we are tourists.”

 

* * *

 

“How are you here? What the fuck, Even?” Isak cried as the taller boy helped both of them up on their feet.

“Well, first I took a flight from Oslo to Paris. My layover there was the worst. They make you pay for wifi after thirty minutes, what the fuck. After that I flew to LA and my layover was kind of nice, but I spent some time in Customs and Immigration. After that I flew to Oakland and made weird noises when I saw that my luggage made it with me. Then I took the electric train to Berkeley and took a cab to campus. Your friend Marine messaged me your dorm name and I used a map I downloaded on my phone. I got a bit lost but -.”

Isak interrupted him by kissing him again. A “I love you so fucking much, you dork” kiss. Even melted into it and wrapped his arms around his waist, lifting him from the ground.

“I can’t believe you. I can’t believe this,” Isak whispered into his neck, as they hugged after their lips parted.

They stayed like that for a long eight minutes, just touching hugging, touching, and breathing each other in.

“God, I missed you so fucking much, Isak.”

“I missed you, too. I never want to be apart from you again.”

.

They took the elevator and made out while Isak pretended to live on the last floor.

“I was so fucking jealous of people kissing in this fucking elevator this entire semester, ugh,” said Isak against Even’s lips.

“Press the emergency button.”

“What?”

“Do it. You’re leaving this place anyways and I want you so bad,” said Even, before pushing his tongue into Isak’s mouth again.

“Ugh, Even. This is not Grey’s Anatomy. They will call the freaking fire department.”

Even pulled back.

“Grey’s Anatomy?” he beamed.

“Shit. You know. Like when they make out in elevators forever.”

“Isak, are you telling me that you’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy?” Even’s mouth was gaping.

“Fuck this. Okay, yeah maybe. I was bored and I got Netflix, so.”

“God, Isak! You’re the cutest boy on the planet.”

“Ugh, stop it. It’s actually a good show.”

.

When they reached Isak’s room, Even threw him on the bed closest to the door.

“Even, it’s that fucker’s bed.”

“Who cares?”

“You’re right. Holy shit, kiss me.”

.

They kissed until their lips were red and swollen, Isak on top of Even, giggling whenever they hit an awkward angle or Even let out an embarrassing moan.

“Fuck, I can’t believe you’re actually here.”  

Even bit his lower lip and dug his fingers in waist. Isak wanted more. Of course he did. But he painfully disentangled himself from the older boy.

“What? What, Isak?”

“Wait. Even, wait.”

“Why? What is it, baby? I’m dying here.”

Isak sat up on Even’s lap while he propped himself on his elbows.

“Isak?”

The younger boy then brought his hands to Even’s face and caressed it very slowly, very tenderly, staring into Even’s eyes.

“Even. How are you, baby?” he finally spoke.

His voice was soft and careful, and Even looked at him like he had just slapped him. Isak felt himself choke up when he saw tears forming in the taller boy’s eyes.

“Shit, Isak. I’m so sorry,” he cried.

Even never cried in front of Isak except for that day at the airport.

“Shh. No, don’t say that. Even, please.”

Even let his head fall on the bed and closed his eyes. Isak took his face in hands.

“Look at me, Even. Look at me.”

The older boy opened his eyes, and for the first time in his life, Isak thought he looked small.

“You did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault. Okay? Don’t you dare apologize to me.”

“I made you go through so much shit. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was fucking thinking.”

“Hey. Stop it! You didn’t make me go through shit. What matters is that you’re okay, that I’m okay, and that we’re together. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They cuddled in Logan’s bed until Even fell asleep.

.

Even woke up in the middle of the night due to jetlag, and Isak was so excited that he dragged him outside to give him a campus tour.

Isak shoved him in dark corners and licked desperately into his mouth. He took him to the Lawrence Hall of Science and groaned when he realized his ID no longer granted him access to the building since the semester was over. He took them to Sproul Hall and sat on Even’s lap by the fountain, kissing him and grinding against him frantically.

“Hmm. You’re eager,” said Even.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m so horny, I’m gonna die.”

“Let’s get you home then.”

.

“Should we use his bed?” Even asked.

“No, no. Fuck me on his desk.”

“Oh my god. Who are you?”

“Isak ‘horny as fuck’ Valtersen.”

.

“Talk dirty to me in English.”

“W-what?”

“Do it, Isak.”

“No. It’s weird.”

“Isak, just three words, please.”

“Ugh. Okay. _FUCK. ME. EVEN_.”

“That’s cheating. My name doesn’t count as a word. Plus, I’m already doing that.”

“ _I. LOVE. YOU._ ”

“Shit.”

“ _I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU._ ”

.

“Holy shit, Even. We should spend some time apart more often. I feel reborn. Is it just me or did you get even better at this?”

“Shut up.”

.

It turned out that Even had been planning this surprise visit ever since Isak had booked his flight, and that it was the reason he pushed him into picking a later return date and New York as the city of departure.

“I want us to travel and see things. I worked a lot this semester and the screenplay competition had a cash prize. I even worked at a coffee shop for a few weeks. America is fucking expensive.”

Isak was melting. He couldn’t believe this boy.

“How do you manage to make me fall in love with you every day?” Isak asked honestly.

“You’re in love with me?”

“What the fuck, Even? Shit. Look at me. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“Well, good thing I’m in love with you, too.” Even leaned in and kissed him.

.

It took them a day to decide on where to go and to make travel arrangements. Even wanted to visit Hollywood and Isak wanted to go to New York City “to see where Nas grew up and walk around Queensbridge”.

“Isak, Queensbridge is not a tourist area. It’s just a regular neighborhood.”

“I don’t want to do tourist things!”

.

Even deposited his money into Isak’s american account, and they decided to use their joint funds to book their tickets and their hostels. Isak had saved money as well from his part-time job at the lab.

“I feel weird having your money in my account,” he told Even.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s weird.”

“Well, when we’re married we can just open a joint account.”

Even casually walked away as if Isak’s eyes weren’t about to pop out of his head.

_When we’re married. What the fuck._

.

Isak took Even to the Berkeley botanical gardens and the taller boy beamed like an angel.

“Oh my god Isak! I was so desperate at the Botanisk museum back in Oslo. Remember when I sat on a wet bench for you.”

Isak smiled. “You were very desperate indeed, making me sit on your lap what the hell. Did you know there were rumors about you after you pulled that stunt.”

Even sat down on one of the benches and tapped his thighs with his hand.

“I don’t care. Come on, baby. Come sit on my lap.”

“No,” said Isak.

“No?”

“Ugh, fuck it.”

Isak sat on his lap the same way he had a year prior and Even hugged his stomach just as tightly.

“You smell nice,” he whispered into his hair.

“I love you,” Isak blurted out.

“God, I used to dream of you saying these words, but now you just throw them around at the most random times.”

“I don’t care. I love you,” Isak repeated, turning around so that he could look at Even.

“Who’s cheesy now?”

“Stop talking, Even. Kiss me.”

“What about PDA? America isn’t that tolerating you know.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

.

They took a bus to LA and Isak snuggled against Even’s side, while the older boy played with his hair. They got interesting looks from some people, so Even glared back.

“Even..”

“No, fuck them.”  

.

Even looked beautiful in the californian sun. He was all smiles and he shined so bright that it made Isak’s heart feel too heavy for his chest. So the younger boy stared and stared and stared and took an embarrassing number of pictures of him.

.

New York was cold and incredibly full of tourists. Isak hated Midtown and Even dragged him everywhere by the hand and made him pose for pictures.

“Even, can we go to Queens or Brooklyn or something? I’m sick of this mainstream crap.”

So Even kissed him on the Brooklyn Bridge, on the Williamsburg waterfront pier, on top of the Empire State building, in the middle of Times Square, on Cherry Hill in Central Park, in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, in the Modern Museum of Art, in Battery Park, under the Rockefeller Center, in Bryant Park, in Washington Square park, in front of the Lincoln Center, in Dumbo, in the street intersection where the ‘Friends’ apartment was supposedly located, and everywhere else in between. And each time, Even had someone take a picture of it.

By the end of their trip, Isak had gotten used to being embarrassed in public, so he just kissed him first.

.

Isak was scared that Even would make him stand in Times Square for hours for New Year’s. Instead, he took them to Central Park where the Midnight Run took place every year after some mind-boggling fireworks, and they sneakily popped a bottle of champagne between two bushes.

“Fuck, can you believe I can’t legally drink alcohol in this country?”

“You’re a baby.”

When midnight approached, they could hear the mass of people gathered around Cherry Hill counting down.

_10 9 8 7 ..._

Even lunged at him and Isak kissed back until they could no longer breathe. When they pulled apart it was 00:16.

“Happy New Year, love.”

“Happy New Year, baby.”

.

A storm hit the East Coast a day before their flight, so they got stuck at JFK for two long nights.

“By the way, how did you manage to get a seat on the same flight as me?” Isak asked.

“I booked my return flight the same day you booked yours.”

“Oh my god. What the fuck, Even? That was six months ago.”

“Yup.”

.

They slept on the floor, cuddling.

“I’m actually okay with this, Even.”

“I’m more than okay with this.”

.

When they boarded their flight, they decided to ask someone to switch seats with one of them so that they could sit together. Even did the talking and used his charms on a lady who looked like she was flying alone. When she walked past Isak, she told him that his husband was wonderful.

_What the fuck._

_._

“So what did you say to get her to switch seats with me?” Isak asked.

“I told her that we’re on our honeymoon, and that the storm messed up our seats so we can no longer sit together.”

“Even!”

“What? We’re practically married.”

“Shut up!”

Isak blushed so hard that he couldn’t face Even before take-off.

.

Isak rested his head on Even’s shoulder and slept on a plane for the first time in his entire life. When he woke up, Even was looking at him.

“You’re watching me sleep?”

“Yes.”

“You’re so cheesy,” Isak said while stretching.

“Yes, but listen to this.”

“What?”

“I want to get you off in the toilets. Can I do that?”

“Even! Oh my god.”

The lady next to them turned out to be Norwegian considering how her mouth went agape.

.

Isak was so tired after two nights at the airport and a long flight across the globe, that when a flying Vilde jumped into his arms, he lost his balance and nearly fell.

“Oh my god! Finally, you little shit!” she said. “I thought Even and you just decided to ditch and were lying about this whole snowstorm thing.”

“Good to see you, too Vilde!” Isak said sincerely before giving her another big hug. “You didn’t have to come get us, what the fuck?”

“But I wanted to!” she said from where she was hanging in Even’s arms.

It was a very tight hug and Isak couldn’t help it.

“Have you two been hanging out?” he asked.

“I’ll have you know that I co-hosted every Wine Night and every Girl’s Night,” said Even. “We also started a Film Night and went through all of Baz Luhrmann’s movies when you were gone.”

“What the fuck?”

“Yes, are you jealous I’m besties with Even now after you replaced me with some girl called ‘Marine’?” said Vilde.

“Ugh, I’m too tired for this shit.”

.

Isak moved back in with Vilde after she kicked out her “terrible terrible” temporary roommate who fought with Sana three or four times. And when he announced it to Even, the taller boy made a face.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Even.”

“No seriously. It’s nothing.”

.

When Isak visited his parents for Easter, they couldn’t believe it. It was a cold day and lunch went mostly silent except for Even complimenting something around the house and Isak’s dad thanking him on behalf of his mom.

Isak didn’t speak much and Even did most of the talking.

_“Isak is working on this and doing that. Isak is so great. Isak does all these wonderful things.”_

.

When Even left to help Isak’s mother with the dishes, his dad tried to share his concerns about Even’s mental state. Isak couldn’t believe it, so he just left the house altogether after yelling “Even! We’re leaving!”

.

It was barely there but Isak could see it. Even’s smiles weren’t as bright, and he started tiptoeing around him.

“Even, what’s wrong? Please,” Isak asked, chest slightly heaving, standing in front of Even’s door at one in the morning.

“What are you doing here? Come inside.”

Even rushed him into the apartment and took off his hoodie which was soaked from the rain. Even had moved to a one-bedroom the previous semester.

“I can’t sleep, and I know you’re sad. And I don’t want you to be so I ran here.”

“Isak, we’ve talked about this and I’m not-”

“Even! I know you! You’re being weird. What is it? Is it what my dad said? Because fuck him. Honestly, fuck everyone.”

“Isak, I promise you that I don’t care about what your dad said. You’re so dramatic,” he chuckled.

“Don’t laugh,” said Isak.

“No?”

“Okay, no. You can laugh. But I’m serious. You’re weird lately. What is it, baby?” Isak pulled him by the waist, and they stood there in the living room.

Even took a big breath before speaking again.

“I. I want us to live together. You and me. But I realize that it’s fucking selfish and I can’t make you do that. Because then you’d have to see me every fucking day, and you’ll be upset if I’m not smiling enough, and I will hurt you and-”

Isak interrupted him by quickly pressing their lips together.

“Gosh. And I’m the dramatic one? Stop saying shit like this, Even. We practically live together. I have a freaking key and half of my clothes are here. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m wearing Vilde’s massive rain boots because I left all my other stuff here at your place. And I do see you every day anyways. Are you serious?”

Even hugged him, and Isak spent the night and every night after that.

.

“Vilde. Uhm. I don’t know how to say this. Please, don’t be mad,” Isak was stalling in their kitchen.

“Spill it, Isak.”

“Okay, so the thing is with Even -”

“Oh my god! Did he propose? Are you getting married? Holy shit I can’t believe you said yes!” Vilde was hysterical.

“What the fuck, Vilde? No?! I’m fucking twenty years old. I’m not getting fucking married. Jesus.”

“Oh, okay. So what is it?” She sat back down.

“Uhm. He wants me to move in with him.”

Vilde just stared at him and Isak expected another meltdown, but she just smiled.

“What?” Isak said.

“Isak, you moved in with Even like months ago. You just keep some of your stuff here. Is this what you’ve been freaking out about?” she asked.

“Yes,” Isak admitted.

“You’re so cute. But it’s okay. I appreciate you telling me but I’ll be fine. I promise. I think Eva would want to move in with me. She’s sick of her mother’s big house.”

“Uh okay,” Isak said. “But what is it with everyone thinking I’m marrying Even. What the hell?”

“Isak. He bought a freaking ring when he was manic during your exchange semester. He called all of us to let us know that he was going to propose to you. I think he even called your parents, poor thing. I went with him to return the ring.”

Isak felt his knees give out.

“Oh my god. Holy shit!”

“Yup, that was my reaction, too,” Vilde said while sipping on her tea.

.

“Even?” Isak called him from where he was lying on the couch.

“Yes, baby?”

“Are you going to ask me to marry you?”

“What?!” Even nearly choked on his cereals.

Isak walked over to the kitchen table and sat on his lap, straddling him.

“I know that you bought a ring when you were manic,” Isak said.

“Okay, shit. Was it Vilde? Fuck. And to think I painted her right hand nails once.”

Isak cupped Even’s face with both hands.

“Even, I’m 20.”

“I know that. And I’m 22.”

“And marriage is stupid. It’s a freaking paper. Who needs that?” continued Isak.

“I know that, too.”

“And you’ve only known me for eighteen months. And I’m graduating next year and you’re starting a Masters at the Norwegian Film School in the Fall.”

“So?” said Even.

“So nothing. Marriage simply sounds like a bad idea.”

“I agree.” Even smiled.

“You agree, but?”

“But I like the idea of calling you my husband,” he beamed and Isak’s face flushed.

So Even kissed him and carried him to their bed.

.

“I promise I won’t propose to you until you’re at least twenty six. Okay?”

“Okay. And if you do it in public I’m going to fucking kill you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

.

Isak was sitting on the floor as some second year girls from Vilde’s Relaxation group were talking about how UiO boys were terrible in bed.

“Isak, you know you don’t have to come to these things anymore, right?” said Sana.

“Uh, yeah. But Even enjoys this crap, can you believe it? Besides, Eva managed to drag Jonas into this shit, too.”

Even was helping Noora with something in the kitchen, so he quickly grabbed Eva and took them to a corner.

“What is it?” she asked.

“So Even’s graduation is around the corner and I don’t know what to fucking get him. I’m freaking out,” Isak admitted.

“Relax, I’m sure he’ll like anything you get him.”

“No, but like he’s such a sap. And he’s always spoiled me so much,” he said before realizing he was oversharing.

“Aw. Isak,” she chuckled. “I think that if you show him just one percent of how much he actually means to you, he’ll be over the moon. Just be half as sappy as he is. Yeah?”

“Uh, okay.”

“You got it?”

“Yes, I think so,” said Isak.

.

“So like this guy won’t go down on me and lasts four minutes in bed, and then expects me to blow him. Can you believe this?” some girl said.

The rest of the girls were nodding and sharing similar experiences while Jonas and Even were throwing confused glances at each other.

So Isak grabbed the remote control, stood up, smiled at Even, and simply said “I can’t relate.” He then dropped the remote on the floor, “Mic drop!”.

Even laughed so hard that Isak felt it in his bones.

“That’s not what I meant, Isak! Oh my god.” said Eva who was shedding real tears on the floor while Jonas was choking on the sofa.

.

Isak thought long and hard about what to get Even. Everything felt either too little or too insignificant. So after observing the older boy as he spent an entire afternoon drawing and doodling in the kitchen, he decided to offer him a little bit of himself.

.

Even looked at his copy of “Baz Luhrmann: Interviews” and beamed.

“Thank you, baby. I love it,” he said before pecking Isak on the lips.

“I want you to read some more about him and realize that you can do better than this guy, okay?” said Isak.

“You’re so cheesy!”

“Whatever. Also check page 21,” said Isak before running off to talk to Jonas.

It was Even’s graduation party.

.

In page 21, Isak left a note.

 

 

> _To Even,_
> 
> _When I first met you in that bathroom, I thought “What the fuck is this guy?”. And when I met you in Elementary Biology, I thought “What the fuck is this guy?” a second time. It took me a while to realize that you were the same person but I came through._ _Baby when I met you, I was a cold and bitter piece of shit. I was a hot mess. I didn’t know how to love. Hell, I didn’t even know how to love myself or let anyone near me._
> 
> _I’m going to be cheesy (cheesier) for a second here, but you saved me. You held me on Christmas and kissed me and you saved me and made me stronger. I was in denial for the longest time but Even, I love you so fucking much and it no longer scares me. It stopped scaring me the moment you ran back to me after I said that terrible shit to you. You encouraged me to go after my dreams and I'll never get over that._
> 
> _It breaks me when you say things like ‘I don’t deserve you’ because it’s me who doesn’t deserve to have you baby. You are the best thing to ever happen to me and I will never let you forget that. I don’t care if we go through hell, as long as we do it together. And I promise to never leave your side even when shit hits the fan._
> 
> _I love you and I’m so proud of you._  
>  _Love,  
>  _ _Isak_
> 
> _PS: I can’t wait for my 26th birthday.  
>  _ _PS2: This is just 1% of what you mean to me.  
>  _ _PS3: I’m gonna need you to burn this note after reading it. You know I can’t say this so I wrote it instead. Love you. And if you point out my grammar mistakes, I will self-destruct. Love you._

.

Isak laughed at something Jonas said. And when he lifted his eyes, he met Even’s blue ones across the room.

Even was holding the note in his hand, beaming like the sun, a tear rolling down his cheek.

 

_Yup. I’m in love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I'm gonna go cry now. I hope this was enough fluff for you guys.  
> The response the previous chapter was INSANE. oh my god. I got inspired from some of the prompts left on PrettyLies' Curious Cat lol. xo  
> .  
> It kills me to say goodbye to Isak's POV. ugh my baby boy.  
> Leave a comment or something if you want <3 It makes me so happy to read comments. What did you think of his development?  
> .  
> One chapter from Even's POV left. Leave me prompts or cute things you'd like to see included.  
> THANK YOU GUYS FOR BEING SO GOOD TO ME. And sorry for the New York stuff I couldn't help it (I keep walking everywhere and picturing Isak/Even from some other universe doing stuff around the city).


	12. They'll write about us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Bech Næsheim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no words. I went HAM on the word count. Writing from Even's POV always gets to me.  
> If you feel like going down memory lane with Even and me, the numbers from 1 to 11 are there for you.  
> If you just want to pick it up from where we left off in chapter 11, 'Infinity' is your section.  
> (It took me forever to write this. I hope you'll read all of it) *hugsss*

**1\. Hello**

The first time Even saw Isak Valtersen, the little ball of wonder was sitting by himself, drawing random shapes on the window, and softly rapping along to the song blasting in his earphones. A reversed snapback was sitting on top of his head, and a gray hoodie far too big for him was hugging his figure.

_Wow,_ Even thought to himself.

It was the first day of class. Even had wandered into the wrong auditorium, and for some reason, he couldn’t look away. So he just stared at the boy who remained oblivious to his presence a few seats away. The next song started and Even watched him frown.  _Cute._

“Ugh, fuck this song,” the boy said to himself as he grabbed his phone and moved to the next one.

_Very cute._

He had delicate fingers and golden locks, and Even just wanted to touch and -.

“Even! What are you doing here?” said a girl Mikael usually brought over, tapping him on the shoulder.

“Oh, hi! Uh, isn’t this Visual Design?” he asked.

“No. It’s Elementary Biology. I think you got the wrong building.”

“Oh shit. Okay, thanks.”

.

Even didn’t know it at the time, but he was going through one of his highs when he first saw Isak. And as soon as he left the auditorium, he ran to enrollment to get a seat in Elementary Biology.

.

“This boy. I have to know him. He’s the most beautiful thing, Sonja. You wouldn’t believe it. I have to talk to him. I really do. You should have seen him frown, Sonja. It was so cute and -”

“Shit Even, did you stop taking your meds again?”

.

They wouldn’t let him enroll in Elementary Biology until he could prove he had taken the necessary prerequisites in high school. It took two weeks and Even couldn’t wait that long. So he followed the boy on his way out of Elementary Biology into the bathroom one day.

_Really fucking creepy, Even._

.

“Did you need tissues, too?”

The boy looked at him as if those were the most bizarre words he had ever heard in his life. He then took a phone call.

“I’m not buying you fucking tampons, Vilde!”

_Vilde. A girlfriend?_

The boy then ran off without washing his hands, and Even held onto the paper towel like an idiot.

_What an idiot._

.

“Guys, did you hear about this first year kid getting ambushed by some dude in the toilets? Apparently, the guy emptied the entire paper towel dispenser and looked him in the eyes the entire time. I think it was Marius, bro. He does the weirdest shit.”

_The paper towel dispenser wasn’t even full. And I didn’t look into his eyes._

Even could have felt offended by the fact that his attempt at first contact became party gossip. But all he could think about was that the boy remembered it, that he remembered him.

_He’s talking about me._

.

Even was finally allowed in Elementary Biology.

**“Hello,”** said Even.

The boy didn’t seem to recognize him from the bathroom incident.

"I'm Even."

“Uh, Isak,” the boy introduced himself, taking his hand.

_Hmm. Isak, I think I’m going to love you._

.

Even was enamored. He liked the way Isak seemed both confused and unimpressed by everything. He liked his sarcastic tone and wanted to know what was hidden underneath it.

.

He saw him sitting with two boys one day, waved in his direction, and watched him squirm.

_Wow. Did I do that?_

.

He did the social media stalking thing and found him rather quickly, or perhaps he spent hours on it. He couldn’t tell. _Isak Yaki. Isak Valtersen._

He considered his options, then went for it.

@even_b_naesheim **hope you washed your hands this time haha.**

**.**

**2\. Ouch**

Isak never replied to his comment and it hurt more than he thought it would.

“You’re good at this stuff, right?” he asked him once in class.

Even was desperate, so he did the most. And it worked. Isak was smiling and blushing and flirting back.

So when he saw the disappointment wash over his face as he started walking away, he couldn’t help it.

“Isak. You look so fucking hot today.”

.

Even couldn’t stop. He loved watching Isak blush and squirm and dismiss him.

**_“Ouch”_** , Even said every single time.

So he complimented him every day, and waved in his direction, and blew him kisses, and looked for him at the Botanisk Museum, and sat on a wet bench, and pulled him onto his lap because he said that his legs hurt.

Even didn’t know what he was doing. But when Isak relaxed in his arms and leaned back against him, he breathed him in.

“You smell nice.”

.

By December, Even was spiraling out of control. He wanted to touch and tease and watch him smile. So when he saw him on the other side of the road, looking completely disheveled and tired and _soft_ , he couldn’t help it. He ran to him and kissed him.

“Will you just go out with me already?”

.

**3\. Forgive me**

Even found himself at the hospital not too long after that. He hadn’t slept in days and was convinced that he had cracked the secret to existing. So he wrote about it all night and slipped further into a whirlpool of heightened emotions and bright bright lights.

.

When the doctor asked him about it, he simply replied with “I met a boy.”

His mother took some time off work to look after him during his depressive episode, and she cried when he told her that he hated himself for putting her through all of it.

When he started feeling better, he told her about Isak and about how he wasn’t sure if his feelings were genuine or if they were all in his head. She kissed his temple and told him that he had all the time in the world to figure it out.

.

When he ran into Isak in the convenience store, Even took it as a sign from the universe. Isak looked _adorable_ and Even’s heart was beating fast, so fast in his chest.  

_This is real. This is real. I’m feeling this._

**“Forgive me,”** he blurted out.

The disappointed look on Isak’s face felt like fireworks exploding in his mind.

“Just don’t do it again,” said Isak.

_Lies._

Even could have told him that he was having dinner with his mother. But when he saw the worry in Isak’s eyes, he couldn’t help but test his luck.

“It’s a “she”. The most wonderful lady on Earth.”

Isak’s jealous face was almost his favorite Isak face. He wanted to run after him but figured he couldn’t leave his mother waiting.

**Isak** ❤️

(22:22) ❤️

(22:22) missed u

.

**4\. Feeling better?**

When Isak didn’t immediately reply to his ‘mommy joke’ text, Even knew something was wrong. And when the younger boy revealed that he was spending Christmas alone, he called him immediately.

.

When Isak came out of the building, Even’s breathing hitched. He was wearing sweatpants, had the softest disheveled hair, and looked like he had spent the last two days in bed. He wanted to touch.

“Can I hug you?” he asked.

.

When Isak melted into him and hugged him back, Even closed his eyes and felt every bit of his pain.

_Let me take it away. I live with pain. Let me take some off your plate._

Isak was shaking in his arms, gripping hard and sinking his fingers into his back.

_Who hurt you, baby? Who fucking hurt you?_

“It’s okay, baby. It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered into his hair instead.

.

He held him until Isak’s breathing matched his and when they pulled apart, Even wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him right there under the snow, deep and slow. A “You’re not alone” kiss.

But Isak looked so vulnerable that he was afraid he might break him.

**“Feeling better?”**

So he walked away instead.

.

Even was listening to Radka Toneff’s Fairytales album. And when ‘Nature Boy’ came up, he couldn’t help but text Isak.

**Isak** ❤️

(23:23) The greatest thing, you'll ever learn,

(23:23) Is just to love, and be loved in return.

.

When Isak invited him to a party for New Year’s, Even allowed himself a Breakfast Club moment and pumped his fist in the air. But then he remembered he promised Sonja he would go to the party thrown by their friends at Elvebakken.

_Shit._

Even hated breaking promises and backing out on commitments, especially with Sonja as she would quickly try to turn it into a symptom of him slipping away. So he stared at his phone all night.

“ _Fucking Bech_ _Næsheim.”_ Even laughed out loud.

Around midnight, he placed the one phone call that mattered.

_Please pick up. Please pick up._

.

“I want to start this new year with you,” he confessed on the phone.

And when Isak didn’t hang up or reply with a sarcastic comment, his heart started beating erratically against his ribcage.

“Happy New Year, love.”

“Happy New Year, Even.”

.

Even heard it in his voice. He heard Isak’s pleas. He heard the _“I’m so lonely. I want you here next to me. Please, please come get me.”_

So he did.

He jumped on his bike and crossed the city with his heart in his throat.

_I know you want me, too. I know it. I just have to make you see it._

His suit was probably ruined.

.

“You look beautiful,” said Isak.

Even melted, and his heart stopped for a moment.

_Gosh, look at you! YOU look beautiful._

So when he saw the ‘ _please please please’_ in Isak’s eyes, when he saw his parted lips and colored cheeks, he decided that it was time to break his promise.

“Why are you here?”

“I’m here to break a promise,” he said.

He kissed him as tenderly as he could, hands caressing his cheeks, careful not to break him. So when Isak brought a hand up, curled it around his wrist, and parted his lips, Even saw stars and fireworks that put the New Year ones to shame.

_Let me love you. Please let me._

When he pulled back, he didn’t miss the “ _Kiss me again. Please kiss me again”_ look on Isak’s face. How could he? But Even wanted him to say it. He wanted him to think about it long and hard and want it enough to say it.

So he just walked away with a “Call me when you’re ready.”

.

**5\. I want you**

Isak never called him. So Even added all of his friends on social media and liked every single picture he was tagged in. He nearly died when he found a video on Eva’s instagram of Isak rapping during their first year at Nissen.

_Fuck me. I should have just transferred._

.

When Isak wouldn’t believe that he only enrolled in Elementary Biology to meet him, he confronted him about it.

“Why are you so convinced that you don’t deserve good things?’

He quickly regretted it as it seemed to have hit Isak harder than intended.

_Baby, you deserve everything good in the world. Please let me in. Please._

.

Even was so desperate that he enlisted Vilde’s help and joined her ‘Relaxation’ student association. They went clubbing and he allowed himself one beer.

Isak looked lovely and grumpy, so he dragged him to the dance floor, and sang him 5 Fine Frøkner and watched him squirm and blush and roll his eyes and revel in it.

_There’s no one I’d rather do this with._

.

They were walking home, with Vilde struggling in her heels in the distance, when Even clasped their hands together, earning a gasp from Isak.

He was so nervous that he might slap his hand away, but the younger boy just pressed back against his palm.

“We hold hands now?” Isak asked.

“We hold hands now.”

.

When Even laced their fingers together and Isak’s fingertips pressed back against his knuckles, he was so ecstatic that he thought his heart might burst right there in the snow covered streets. Even wanted to hold him, and touch him, and tell him how much he made him feel all the things, and how much he deserved everything. He wanted to push him against a wall and just kiss him the way his eyes were begging him to.

So when Vilde fell, he felt bad for feeling slightly disappointed.

.

He texted Vilde asking her to stage a Snack emergency, and she was kind and surprisingly sober enough to oblige.

.

When Isak opened the door to his building, Even couldn’t help it. His hands went straight to the younger boy’s hips. He pressed Isak against the wall as gently as he could. And despite the sarcasm and overall dismissal, he didn’t miss how Isak shivered under his touch. Even knew that it wasn’t from the cold. Isak was warm and hot, so he buried his head in the crook of his neck.

_“I wanted to touch you. I just need to be close to you.”_

Even had waited and waited and waited for this boy to open up to him. So when Isak held him back, when he wrapped his arms around his neck and breathed against his skin, Even knew. He knew that he was ready. He knew it. So he just went for it.

“Isak. **I want you** so fucking bad.”

“Fuck. Kiss me, Even. Just fucking kiss me.”

Even pressed their lips together before Isak could even finish his plea. He kissed him with everything that he had. He wanted to give all of himself to this boy who was so hurt and so closed off that he didn’t think he deserved anything at all.

So Even pressed and pushed and licked and touched, while Isak moaned and tugged and melted in his arms.

_Can you feel this? Can you feel how much I want you? I want to kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before._

.

“Please, don’t leave me.”

Even’s heart broke and he couldn’t hide it. And when Isak moved his hands to cover his face, Even knew that he would spend the rest of his life reminding him that he never would.

“Baby, how could anyone ever leave you?”

.

When Isak kissed his worries away, Even actually thought he was dreaming. It was frantic and desperate and wonderful. He couldn’t believe he had ever doubted that this boy wanted him back.

“I want you, too. So much, Even. So fucking much,” Isak said.

Even felt it in his bones. His brain always caused him to feel things too deeply, and he had never been as thankful for that ability as he was then, with Isak panting against his mouth.

_Is this even fucking real? Is my brain taking a piss?_

_._

**6\. I love you**

Even spent the night and went out to get food for breakfast the next morning. He wanted to give him everything. And everything started with a ‘morning after’ breakfast.

When Isak smiled against his lips as he greeted him, Even felt whole again.

_I think I fucking love you._

.

They became a ‘thing’, and Even had to pinch himself daily to make sure that it wasn’t his brain playing tricks on him.

So when they were studying for Even’s late finals, he reached out and kissed Isak just because he could.

“You should be studying,” said Isak

“I am.”

“Why are you looking at me, then?”

“Because I’m studying _you_. I want to know everything about you,” said Even.

Of course Isak shoved him and called him ‘cheesy’, but albeit begrudgingly, he ended up on Even’s lap sucking on his lower lip.

.

Even’s favorite thing in the world was pressing Isak against the kitchen counter and watching him writhe and moan as they kissed until someone walked in or until Isak whined for him to take him to his room.

_I really really think I love you._

.

The first time Isak went down on him, Even saw stars.

“That mouth of yours, baby.”

“Shut up, Even!”

Making Isak blush became his second favorite thing.

.

The first time Isak told him he loved his eyes, Even nearly made a mess of the younger boy’s sheets.

“Shit, baby, you can’t say stuff like that to me while I’m trying to-”

“Shut up.”

.

The first time Even told Isak he loved him, it had been part of their daily banter.

“I love your eyes,” said Isak.

“And **I love you.** ”

Even wasn’t planning on saying it, but he didn’t regret it when it was out there. However, he felt Isak tense up against him. He felt his insecurities come running to the surfaces and he saw his demons go past his eyes. So he sighed and whispered “You don’t have to say it back.”

Isak didn’t.

.

“Because I decided that I didn’t want any mentally ill people fucking up my life anymore.”

Even never thought words could hurt as much. He never thought he could hate himself any more than he already did.

So when he walked home at four in the morning, he cried for the first time in a while.

.

**7\. I’ll give you the world**

Everything hurt.

Even couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t leave Isak. But he also couldn’t hurt him by telling him that he was bipolar. He didn’t know what to do. So he just stayed away and texted him as much as he could.

.

He stopped taking his medication. Maybe that stuff was what made him feel that way. Maybe he could control it. He could do it. He could do anything really.

.

Even was ready. Tomorrow he would go back to Isak and everything would be back to normal.

But when he received a text from Isak asking him if he was breaking with him, there was nothing for him to do but jump on his bike and head to Isak’s flat.

_I would never fucking leave you. Never._

.

He waited by the door as nobody seemed to be inside. And when he saw Isak at the top of the stairs, he lunged at him.

_Gosh, I missed you so fucking much. I love you so much. I’m not going anywhere. I will make it work. I will be better. I won’t be sick anymore. I won’t fuck up your life I promise._

.

“ **I’ll give you the world,** ” Even whispered into his hair.

.

They spent the most wonderful weeks together. They were just two horny young boys doing the most as much as they could. He loved watching Isak squirm when he kissed him too deep. He loved watching him whine for more when Even would just touch him and not give him what he wanted. He loved watching him blush when he kissed him in public. He just loved him so much.

.

The first time Even noticed Jakob staring at Isak, they were having lunch at the cafeteria. Jonas said something funny and Isak bursted out laughing like the sun. Even stared and touched his hair, but he didn’t miss how Jakob’s eyes lit up as they followed Isak’s every movement.

Isak was a gift and when he laughed, Even sometimes wanted to cry.

So when he recognized that look in Jakob’s eye, it made him feel things he wasn’t used to feeling.

_Am I jealous right now? What the hell?_

.

When Even took them to the fancy restaurant where he had spent days trying to get a reservation, Isak looked like a prince. They were both wearing tuxedos, and Isak kept awkwardly adjusting his sleeves.

“This is so weird. I don’t wear stuff like this, Even.”

“Isak, you look fucking beautiful.”

“Shut up.”

“You look so small. I could eat you.”

“Oh my god, Even. I’m over 1m80. Shut up!”

Even couldn’t shut up, not when Isak looked like that. So he wrote about it all night and drew him a hundred times over and over again.

.

Even wanted to do more things for him, for them. He was starting to run out of ideas when he remembered the globe in one of the School of Law classrooms.

_Oh my god! It would fit perfectly in Isak’s living room._

.

When he met Sonja for lunch that day, the first thing she said to him was “I think you’re in the middle of an episode, Even.”

He hated how controlling she could get. He hated how she always thought he was having an episode when he did nice things. But most of all, he hated how she seemed to be against his relationship with Isak.

“Even, why the fuck did you stop taking your meds?”

“It’s not a big deal, Sonja. It’s actually a good thing that Isak said he didn’t want mentally ill people fucking up his life, cause I stopped taking that crap and I feel fine. I think it’s what made sick, Sonja. Seriously!”

Sonja started throwing her limbs around when she made him repeat what Isak had said to him.

“Seriously, it’s not a big deal. Relax!” he said.

“When was the last time you slept, Even?” she asked.

.

When she left to the bathroom to make a phone call, Even stared out of the window.

_I’ll give you the world._

He suddenly remembered what he told Isak, and left the restaurant for the Faculty of Law building.

.

When he got caught by security, he was confused and couldn’t understand what the big deal was.

“I just need that for my boyfriend. I promised I’d give him the world, you see.”

.

When his parents picked him up, he couldn’t understand what was happening.

“Shit. I was just getting the freaking thing for my boyfriend. What’s so fucking crazy about it?”

.

**8\. Anything for you, baby**

❤️ **Isak** ❤️

(21:21)

Dear Even, I love you. I love you with all my heart  
I’ve never loved anyone before, so I suck at it.  
I fucked up so bad. I’m sorry I said those things.  
I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I made you feel like  
you had to be someone else. Please forgive me.  
I love everything about you and I don’t want a life  
without you in it. I will never leave you. Love you.  
Isak

.

When Even woke up the following night, he read the text from Isak and cried silently in his bed.

_I’m so fucking sorry._

It took him all of his energy to text Isak. But he did it, because he needed him to know.

❤️ **Isak** ❤️

(01:06) im so sorry isak

(01:07) im sorry

.

When he woke up the next day, his back was pressed against Isak’s chest.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I’m cuddling you. Cuddling releases oxytocin and helps you relax and sleep better.”

_I don’t fucking deserve you._

.

Isak stayed and helped him through his depressive episode. He hugged him and kissed him and touched him and took him outside.

Even felt dead inside. He wanted nothing but to crawl back into bed and stay there, but he couldn’t twist the knife further up Isak’s wounds. Isak, who looked like he was on the verge of tears every minute of every day.

“You should go, Isak. Seriously, I don’t expect you to stay through this shit.”

“Shut up, Even. I want to be here.”

_I’m so sorry baby._

So Even tried. He did his best to get better. He gave it everything he could. For him.

.

Even got better as days and weeks rolled out. And the day he woke up to the sight of Isak sitting on his lap pulling down his pants, he reveled in it.

.

“I love you, too” said Isak, lips wet and pink and swollen. Even wanted to run naked down the street.

_Do you have any idea how much I love you?_

.

Even was on Isak’s laptop once, and nearly died when he saw one of his open tabs.

**_Does anal sex hurt the first time - Google Search_ **

.

Even picked up more shifts at his lab and spent his free time looking for a perfect spot for Isak’s first time.

He circled the first Easter weekend on his calendar and added a heart next to it.

.

When Isak texted him that Jakob kissed him at that party, he jumped out of his bed.

_Fuck. I knew it._

When he got the the party, Isak was a mess and he could barely stand, so Even carried him in his arms.

People gave them funny looks, so he just glared at them. Jakob was throwing up and yelling how hurt he was, and how much he loved Isak, and how everything went to hell when he met Even. If he wasn't busy throwing up, he would have had a conversation with him.

.

When Isak asked him if he was mad about the Jakob thing, Even stared at him and thought ‘ _Why would I be mad at YOU? For being too perfect?’_

Instead, he just played it cool and smiled and chuckled.

.

When Isak brought up the Jakob incident when they were making out in his bed, Even nearly self-destructed.

“I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“I need you to do something for me first,” said Isak.

**“Anything for you, baby”**

“Fuck. Me.”

.

**9\. I want it to be special**

“Fuck. Me. Please.”

It took Even by surprise and effectively reduced him to a stuttering mess.

_Shit. What? I mean I want to. But I already paid the first installment for the cabin. And I can’t stop thinking about Jakob. And I want to take care of you. And I want it to be special._

It killed him to turn Isak down, especially knowing how much courage it must have taken him to utter those words, but he decided to stick to his plan.

.

“Are you still mad I tried manipulating you into having sex with me by using Jakob?” Isak was truly going to be the death of him.

So Even kissed him and told him what he wanted to hear.

“I want to fuck you so bad, it hurts. **I just want it to be special** , okay?”

.

Even had been with Sonja for nearly four years when he realized that he didn’t love her anymore. When they broke up, he went off the rails and ended up in a gay bar. He couldn’t remember most of what happened, but he woke up naked with two other men in someone’s apartment the following day, feeling sore and disoriented. He was nineteen.

.

When they reached the cabin, Even couldn’t help it, he immediately pinned Isak against the door.

“Even, What are you doing?”

“Right now I’m pressing you against this door, and after that I’m going to fuck you.”

.

“How do you want me? Should I lie on my stomach?” Isak asked.

Even wanted to scream.

_How can you say that? No, no, no! I want to look into your eyes as I lose myself in you._

.

Even wanted to take care of Isak and make sure that he was in the least amount of pain possible. So he teased him for what seemed like an eternity until Isak was an incoherent mess underneath him.

“Please, please, please,” he begged, face flushed, eyelids heavy, hair messy.

If Even didn’t have protecting this boy at all costs as his top priority, he would would have wrecked him.  

.

Even was as gentle as he could but Isak was a mess. He was crying and Even wanted to combust at the sight. He kissed his tears away and soothed and whispered things into his ear. “Relax baby, I got you. Isak, breathe, breathe.”  

.

When Isak was no longer in pain, Even wanted to lose himself in him. He wanted to give him everything he was asking for and more. So he kissed him, and touched him, and put his heart into every push, whispering “You’re so perfect, Isak. I love you so much. So perfect”, while Isak pulled his hair and moaned “I love you I love you I love you” at every thrust.

Even was convinced that nothing could ever matter more than the two of them in that king sized bed, sinking into each other, breathing each other in, slipping into oblivion, head spinning with lust.

_I want to lose myself inside you._

When Isak bit his shoulder and screamed his name, Even knew that he was made to love this boy and that he would spend his remaining days doing just that. So he took a mental photograph of Isak’s wrecked face and swore to keep it in his heart forever as he succumbed into pure bliss.

.

When Jonas approached Even without any signs of Isak being around, he let the confusion show on his face.

“Uh, hey man,” said Jonas. “So you know that fucker Jakob my roommate. He’s a dickhead but he told me something a while ago. He saw Isak looking at this Berkeley poster, and he told him that going there was like a dream. I thought I should tell you.”

“Oh. Berkeley. As in California? Oh. Wow. Okay, thanks Jonas.”

Even let it sink in. Isak was the smartest person he knew. He always had stellar grades without even trying and he was genuinely interested in his major.

_Why wasn’t Isak applying if it’s a dream of his?_

He thought about it long and hard and realized that the only thing holding Isak back was him.

_Fuck me._

.

When Jakob stopped by at Even’s lab, it took all of his self-control to stay poised and smile.

“Hey man. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I fucked up. I have nothing against you. I just got way too drunk,” said Jakob.

“I would normally say ‘it’s fine’ but you don’t jump passed out people, man,” said Even.

“I know. I’m really fucking sorry. I feel like shit.”

“Good, you should. Kissing him when he was passed out was fucked up. But you’re a decent dude, Jakob. I know you care about him. Thanks for the Berkeley tip by the way.”

“Yeah, of course. It just seemed important to him,” said Jakob.

When he started walking away, Even couldn’t help it.

“Hey Jakob.”

“Yeah?”

“Stay the fuck away from my boy, yeah?”

.

“We should go study abroad, Isak.”

.

When Even found out he didn’t get into UC San Diego, a part of him died inside. But as the master of deception and painting a smile on his face while his insides withered and shriveled up, he looked at Isak and smiled.

"Because you're going to live your dream, baby. You're going to shine and do amazing things. I'm so excited for you to see the world.”

.

**10\. Missed Me?**

Everything hurt. The thought of Isak being so far away from him was physically crippling. But he had to let him go. Even wouldn’t forgive himself if he held him back. So he didn’t.

Instead, he came up with a masterplan to visit him after the semester ended and to force him to travel. He knew Isak wouldn’t do it by himself. So he sat with him as he booked his flight.

“No, flights are cheaper around January 3rd. Book your return flight then,” said Even.

“January 3rd? Even, what the hell? The semester ends before Christmas.”

“Yes, well you could travel. Also you should pick New York as your city of departure for your returning flight.”

“What the fuck, why?”

“You could visit New York and then you’ll have a non-stop flight to Oslo. Sounds better than three long flights during the holidays.”

When Isak went to the bathroom, Even booked his return flight on the same plane. And while he couldn’t get a seat next to him, he figured it was a problem for another time.

.

They had months before Isak’s departure in August. But it was there, lurking in the background. Whenever Even lost himself in his boy, a voice inside his head whispered “He’s leaving. He’s leaving.” And it hurt. It hurt because he didn’t want to send him away and because he saw how much Isak wanted him to hold on to him.

Isak grew restless and insecure, and it tore at Even.

“What if you no longer want me when I’m there?”

_Fuck, baby. It’s YOU who might stop wanting me._

.

The night before Isak’s departure was the worst. Even wanted to scream. But he smiled and held onto his waist as he was speaking to Jakob instead.

When everyone left, Isak wouldn’t look at him. He turned his back to him as he emptied beer cans and made those jokes that only Even found funny. Even was unable to laugh, so he hugged him instead.

They kissed against the kitchen sink until they could no longer breathe, and Even felt himself choke up.

_Fuck, don’t leave. Stay with me._

.

When Isak flipped them around and sank onto him, Even saw stars, those stars he only ever saw when Isak was under his fingertips.

But when the younger boy started crying, Even’s chest hurt and his insides shrunk.

_Fuck, baby don’t cry please. I don’t want you to see me cry._

He could see it in his eyes, ‘please ask me to stay, please hold on to me, please Even, please.’

_Stay. Please don’t go._

He never said those words. So when Isak finally fell asleep, he walked to the window and cried for hours.

After drying his tears, he pulled out a piece of paper and wrote to him.

.

Even allowed himself to cry at the airport. Well, he didn’t really allow himself, he just did. He couldn’t stop. So he just cried silently the entire way back home.

_I miss you so much already._

.

The first weeks were great. Even talked to Isak every day. He loved it. He loved the newfound excitement that came with Skype sex. He enjoyed it until Isak’s roommate caught them in the act.

Even loved listening to Isak talk about his day and his classes and his professors. He loved it more than anything in the world.

_I love you so much. I want you to love life as much as I love you._

.

Isak got a job as a part-time intern and Even busied himself with work at the lab to earn more money. He worked on his script for the screenwriting competition as it came with a big cash prize. He also picked up a job at a coffee shop after class and he loved interacting with the customers. It took his mind off the constant _IsakIsakIsak_ mantra going on in his head.

He missed him so much, it physically hurt. He spent as much time around Vilde’s flat as he could, just trying to catch glimpses of Isak. He stood next to the window and pressed his palm against the glass. He sank into the sofa and pressed his face against the armrest. He talked to Vilde about Isak for hours and hours while she smiled and melted.

He held onto the clothes Isak left at his place and curled himself into a ball and just breathed. He missed him so much, he picked up a pen and wrote all night about it. That night quickly became three nights, and then five.

So he called his mom and asked her to tell Isak’s parents not to book him a flight if things got bad.

.

Even woke up one day feeling invincible. So he disassembled the computers in the film lab and proceeded to put them back together.

“What the fuck are you doing, Even?” said Fredrik, his lab mate.

“I’m making them faster. Just watch,” he replied.  

Even didn’t make them faster. He didn’t even finish assembling them. He just left because he got the best idea ever.

He went to a jewellery store and picked up a ring. He paid for it with his credit card, and he was so happy that he had to call people and tell them.

“Vilde, I’m going to ask Isak to marry me. We’re going to have the biggest fucking wedding. Will you be my best man?”

“Even, what the fuck. Are you okay?” she said on the other line.

That wasn’t the reaction he was looking for so he called Jonas, then Eva, then Sana. He eventually called Isak’s father and asked him if he could marry his son.

.

Before he knew it, Even was at the hospital, his weeping mother towering over him.

_Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck._

.

“I’m sorry I broke my promise,” Even said to the computer screen his mother had placed in front of his face while in bed.

“No, please. Even. Don’t say that.”

“Sometimes, I wish I could disappear. But then I remember that I could never do that to you.”

It was ugly and he wished he hadn’t said it when he saw Isak crying. But it was all he could think about. Everything hurt and all he wanted to do was fade into the dark.

_I’m so fucking sorry for breaking you like this._

.

Even got better and Vilde was an absolute angel. She visited him almost every day and cheered him up with some silly Isak stories. Even watched her talk and smiled. When she paused and looked at him, he took her hand in his.

“I see why he loves you so much,” he said.

Vilde held him and shed silent tears.

"You poor things," she cried.

The next day she went with him to return the ring.

.

Even got better and by December 10th, he was a new man. A new man who forced his boyfriend into skype sex in the middle of the library during finals.

.

Even packed his bags with stars dancing in his eyes. He called Vilde and his mother and asked them to stall if Isak asked where he was while he flew across the globe.

Sonja was a bit concerned for him.

“Are you sure you can fly?”

“Yes, don’t worry. I promise.” He meant it.

.

When Even got to Isak’s dorm, he was lost. He didn’t know in which floor he lived and he couldn’t get wifi on campus to ask Marine.

_You’re so fucking stupid. How are you going to find him now?_

.

“Uhm, excuse me. I’m looking for the prettiest boy in the world. He lives in this dorm but I don’t know which floor,” he asked two random girls in English, as they looked at him like he had lost his damn mind.

_Granted. It’s pretty cheesy but I had to._

.

“I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU.”

When he heard Isak’s voice, Even felt his heart burst inside his chest.

_OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD._

When Isak lunged at him, not holding back the slightest, he simply couldn’t keep himself balanced and they ended up on the floor.

**“Missed me, baby?”**

They kissed until they no longer could. Isak was a sobbing mess and Even felt alive under his touch. He was whole again.

.

**11\. Practically Married**

Isak was a dream come true and having him back felt like he had been reborn. So he gave it his all and loved him like the moon loved the earth.

.

“When we’re married, we can just open a joint account.”

Even couldn’t believe he said that. But it was out there, so he just walked away as casually as possible.

.

Isak was his favorite person in the world and watching him smile in his UC Berkeley t-shirt under the LA sun was too much for his poor little heart.

_Isak. Isak. Isak. I want to be with you forever and ever and ever and ever._

.

Grumpy Isak was also Even’s favorite Isak. So he teased him and made him kiss his lips under the most embarrassing circumstances. Isak whined but he kissed him every single time.

New York was a dream, but it paled in comparison to Isak who was wrapped in two thousand layers, cheeks pink, and the cutest beanie sitting on top of his head.

.

In New Year’s they kissed between two bushes and panted against each other’s mouths while the Central Park fireworks lit up the sky.

_Nothing compares to the fire in my chest right now._

.

The East Coast storm was a true blessing as Even got to hold Isak in his arms all over JFK. They did the weirdest things and visited every single bathroom and sat on top of their luggage as made out for hours.

.

“What? We’re **practically married.** ”

Even watched Isak’s face flush.

_Ugh. I love you._

.

When Isak moved back in with Vilde, Even’s heart sank. But he didn’t say anything.

.

With Easter around the corner, Even encouraged Isak to talk to his parents so they ended up at theirs for lunch. Even was so nervous as he remembered calling Isak’s dad during his episode.

When he left the kitchen, he heard Isak’s dad trying to talk some sense into him.

_I will die before I hurt your son again._

.

When Isak moved in with him, Even was the happiest man in the world. Isak fit perfectly in his little apartment and brought so much life and joy to every corner.

.

“Are you going to ask me to marry you?” Isak asked.

_Fuck. Shit. I knew it would eventually bite me in the ass._

.

“I like the idea of calling you my husband,” said Even.

Isak’s flushed face was his favorite thing in the world.

“I promise I won’t propose to you until you’re at least twenty-six,” he spoke against his skin, later when they were in bed.

Even didn’t have a good track record with keeping promises, but he swore to himself that he would.

.

During his graduation party, Even stared at his copy of ‘Baz Luhrmann: Interviews’ and leaned in to kiss Isak.

“Thank you, baby. I love it,” he said. And he did.

“Check page 21,” Isak said before walking away to Jonas.

.

Even read every word once, twice, and then lost count. There was fire in his chest and stars in his eyes.

‘You saved me.’

_No, YOU saved me._

‘You are the best thing to ever happen to me.’

_No baby, that’s YOU._

‘I love you and I’m so proud of you.’

_Oh my god. Isak. Fuck. I can’t._

His heart was so full of love, so full of hope and dreams, that he let himself cry onto the note.

When Isak locked eyes with him from across the room, he smiled, let tears roll down his cheeks, and watched the boy blush and hold his breath.

So Even crossed the room with the paper in his hand, and kissed him breathless in front of every single person they knew.

A ‘ _I will love you until I wither and die_ ’ kiss.

 

**∞ - Infinity**

When Even turned twenty-three, Isak sucked on his collarbones and asked him why they never fought.

“Experts say it’s not healthy,” Isak said.

“Fuck healthy, then,” he replied before putting the ‘Happy Birthday’ hat back on Isak’s head. It was the only thing he was wearing.

.

When Isak was twenty-two, he started working fulltime at the Norwegian Center for Stem Cell Research, whilst Even graduated from the Norwegian Film School. He got a gig as an assistant to an assistant to an assistant to a director. It wasn’t a big production but it was a decent little film and the shooting took place in Croatia.

Isak smiled, clasped their hands together, and whispered ‘I’m so fucking proud of you’ against his lips.

.

The goodbyes were bittersweet but at least it wasn’t America. Flights to and from Zagreb weren’t that expensive if booked in advance. And Isak could come for an extended weekend, and they could take a trip to the set of Game of Thrones together.

Still, it hurt. And when Even didn't hear from Isak for three days, he started panicking. Vilde eventually told him that Isak was a bit sick.

“What?”

.

Even was on the next flight after bribing another assistant to cover for him with a copy of his limited edition of ‘Casablanca’.

.

“What are you doing here?” Isak’s voice was weak and he looked awful.

“Isak, what the fuck. You’re at the fucking hospital.” Even’s palms were sweaty and his eyes were wide.

“It’s not a big deal, geez. I just caught a virus or something. Seriously, why are you here?”

Even sat on the bed and threaded his fingers through Isak’s damp hair.

“Baby, what the fuck. The doctors told me you passed out. Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because it’s no big deal. Geez, you’re so dramatic. Besides, you had this important scene to shoot this week.”

“Fuck the shoot, Isak. I don’t give a shit about the shoot,” Even’s voice was higher than usual so Isak just stared back.

“Even seriously. I’m fine. You didn’t have to come all the way here and if you-”

Isak’s words died down as Even climbed under the sheets with him.

“What are you doing? This shit is contagious. I’m going to get you sick,” Isak pleaded.

“I don’t give a shit. You know I have a strong immune system.”

They cuddled in the hospital bed until Isak’s fever came down. He snuggled against Even’s side, wrapped his arms around his waist, and buried his head in his neck. Even felt everything.

“I’m sorry,” Isak whispered. “I didn’t want you to be worried.”

“You’re so ridiculous, Isak. This is not how it works. When you hurt, you pick up the phone and call me so that we can hurt together, okay?”

“So cheesy, but okay.” Isak whispered against his neck.

“Even, was that a fight? Did we just have a fight?”

“Shut up.”

.

Isak did it again. Even called him one day and he didn’t pick up. A few hours later, he called him back and said that he was fine, and that he forgot to check his phone. Even would have believed him if it weren’t for the shaking in his voice.

“Isak, what is it?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

“Isak, don’t nothing me right now. Why do you sound so tired?”

“I just do, okay? Fuck, Even! Sometimes people are tired you know?” Isak hung up and Even was left staring at his reflection in the set bathroom.

Isak never hung up on him before. But he sent him a text five minutes later saying ‘Sorry. I’m just tired with work.’

.

When Vilde told Even that Isak’s mother wasn’t doing so good, and that she wasn’t showing any signs of progress after being admitted to the hospital, his blood ran cold in his veins. _Fuck._

He called Isak. And when he didn’t pick up, he left him a message telling him that he was coming home whether he wanted it or not.

.

When Even got to Isak’s workplace, he expected him to get mad at him or cause a scene. But the younger boy just ran into his arms instead and cried for a long twenty minutes.

.

“Baby, why didn’t you call me? Why won’t you let me be here for you?” Even asked.

“You’re busy. I just didn’t want to -” Isak didn’t look him in the eyes.

“Isak, please. I told you I don’t care. I’ll come running whenever. I’ll-”

“Well maybe I don’t want you to, Even.”

“What? Why?”

“Fuck, Even. Aren’t you hurting enough? Isn’t just going through every day enough of a battle for you? Why do you want to take on my pain as well?” Isak’s words felt like slaps.

“What the fuck, Isak? This is not how it works. I told you already. You don’t get to share the happy stuff with me and keep the shitty parts out. I’m not a fucking child. Yes, I’m bipolar but I don’t need you to shield me from things. I haven’t had a fucking episode in ages.”

Even walked away from Isak for the first time ever and it hurt.

A few hours later, he met him at the hospital and they hugged like two fools in love.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I promise. I’m sorry,” Isak said into his shirt.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry, too.”

They stood there in silence before Isak spoke again.

“I guess we fight now.”

“I guess we do. How is that for a healthy relationship?” Even added, beaming.

“I love you so much,” Isak laughed against his lips.

.

When the production was over and Even moved back in permanently, Isak was 23 and he looked so beautiful all the time. Even couldn’t keep his hands off of him and he didn’t. Isak became more and more comfortable in his skin and started introducing Even as his partner at office parties. It made him want to combust.

_PARTNER. PARTNER._

Isak got slightly drunk at a christmas party once and kissed him deep and hard in front of his co-workers.

“Isak, what are you doing,” Even asked silently.

“I’m kissing you.”

“We’re at your workplace.”

“Yes, we are. Now let’s go fuck in my office,” said Isak.

Office sex was the hottest thing Even had experienced in months.

“We should do this more often,” he whispered against Isak’s mouth from where he still stood between his legs.

“Fuck me again.”

“Isak..”

“Stop talking.”

.

When Isak was twenty-four, he got promoted and started making much more than Even. He was okay with it, but he felt guilty. So he picked up a gig he didn’t really want to keep up.

“Even, you said you hated working on that show.”

“Yeah, well. I changed my mind, baby.”

“It’s in Germany!” Isak whined.

“I’ll be home every two weeks.”

.

Isak grew bitter and restless. And the moment they got to the airport, he exploded in his face.

“Is this because I got promoted? Is this why you’re taking this fucking job?” he asked with fire in his voice.

“Isak. No!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Even!”

“Fuck. Do you know how much it sucks to realize that I’m a burden to you, Isak? You're so brilliant and here I am chasing unrealistic dreams and not knowing what I'm doing with my damn life. I just want to do my part okay?” said Even.

Isak just stared at him with tears in his eyes.

“A burden? Fuck you, Even!” he shouted before throwing Even’s bags on the floor and storming out of the airport.

Even boarded his flight with guilt roaming around his chest.

They didn’t talk for seven weeks, apart from the occasional  ‘ _baby i;m sorry please come back dont leaveme please_ ’ drunk texts from Isak to which Even replied every single time with an ‘I love you’.

Even couldn’t take it, and he cried one time when they were shooting a scene at 6 in the morning.

“Næsheim, are you alright?” asked one of the crew members.

“No. I’m not. I fucking miss him,” he replied.

.

Even quit around Christmas. And when he came home, Isak bit Even's lower lip so hard, he could almost draw blood.

“Don’t you dare leave me again.”

“Never,” Even said as he wiped tears off Isak's face.

.

When Isak turned twenty-five, they traveled to Italy and kissed for hours at the beach. When he reached down Even’s speedos, his eyes went wide.

“Isak, what are you doing?”

“Pleasing my man?” Isak replied with a grin on his face.

“We’re in public, Isak. Stop.”

“Baby, we’re in a nude beach.”

.

“Oh my god. What happened to the shy boy who used to blush at everything?” Even asked.

“Gone.”

.

That boy wasn’t gone. And as soon as Even kissed between his thighs when they were back to their hotel, Isak was blushing and squirming like he was back to his first year in college.

.

“Even, you have to apply to this festival,” Isak said from where he stood in their flat.

“No. I don’t want to.”

“Even! It has always been your dream, what the hell are you talking about?” Isak asked.

“Fuck. I don’t know. Do you think a fucking bipolar 28 year old dude with four gigs can actually make it to this kind of stuff?” Even answered honestly and watched as Isak’s heart sank to the floor.

.

When Isak asked him to stop by his office after work, he didn’t expect it would be for a powerpoint projection.

“What the hell, Isak?”

“Shush, sit down,” Isak said. “Vilde helped me put this together.”

The powerpoint was titled “Bipolar is Not the End of the World, or all the people who still made it.”

“That’s a long title,” Even beamed.

“Shut up.”

Isak went on and on about how being mentally ill didn't mean limiting oneself or horizons, and he started giving examples of random famous people who were thought to be bipolar.

“Did you know Catherine Zeta-Jones is bipolar?” Isak asked.

“No, but she’s hot.”

“Fuck you,” Isak bit back. Even laughed.

Isak went on and on about Vincent van Gogh and Virginia Woolf and how they were thought to be bipolar.

“Isak, van Gogh shot himself and Virginia Woolf drowned herself. Besides, do you even know who Virginia Woolf is?” Even said.

Isak started sweating.

“Fuck me, this powerpoint is a fucking disaster,” he said. But then his eyes lit up as if he remembered something.

“Oh! Carrie Fisher! She didn’t kill herself. And she was freaking Princess Leia!” Isak said, as Even walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Carrie Fisher revealed that she didn’t start taking her meds and being stable until her daughter called her ‘mommy’ though,” Even said against his lips.

“Is that what it’s gonna take? You want me to call you ‘daddy’?” Isak teased, a smile on his lips.

Even choked and Isak reveled in it.

.

“And lastly, I will fucking kill you if you don’t apply,” Isak said on his last slide.

So Even did and his film made the selection.

.

Isak’s twenty sixth birthday was around the corner, and Even was growing restless.

_What do I do? What do I do?_

He started looking for signs of Isak remembering his marriage promise from years ago. If Isak remembered, he didn’t show it.

Even still had the note Isak had given him on his graduation party. He stared at it for hours. _Shit._

.

He spoke with Vilde about it and she said that promises you make when you’re a kid in college don’t really matter. She then tapped his shoulder and told him that marriage was overrated.

_Yes, but then you’re family, and they let you in at the hospital, and I'd get to call him my husband._

.

It was June 21st, and they were lying on their bed after an hour of moaning and touching and licking.

“Bite me,” Isak said.

“What the fuck, Isak. I’m not going to bite you.”

“Bite me, Even. It’s my birthday. If I say bite me, you bite me.”

So Even bit his neck as Isak screamed his name.

.

Even looked at the clock, **_21:15_**. Shit.

“Isak,” he said.

“Hm?”

“Do you think we’ll be together forever?” Even asked.

“Yes.”

“How positive are you of that?”

“Even,” Isak said, repositioning himself so that he was lying on Even’s chest, looking into his eyes. “I think that no matter what happens or doesn’t happen, you and I always find our way back to each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean. You know, in all those other parallel universes, we’re still together. It doesn’t matter how we meet. We always end up like this. There’s always an Isak and an Even lying around in bed like this.”

Even stared at him for a moment before kissing him again.

“People don’t understand what we have,” said Even. “Everybody says we’re too weird for being in love after all this time.”

“Fuck them, then.”

.

**_21:20_ **

“Happy 26th birthday, baby.”

“It’s not even 21:21 yet, Even.”

.

**_21:21_ **

“Isak, will you marry m-”

“YES.”

“I haven’t even finished my question.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

“Isak, you don’t even like the idea of marriage.”

“I. don’t. care.”

“Okay.”

\--

The thing was that people didn’t understand their bond because it wasn’t something that could be understood. There was nothing logical or scientific about the way they orbited around each other, about how they were so different yet completed one another so perfectly.

Even had spent his entire life cursing the skies for being born with an imbalanced brain. But the moment he met Isak, he knew. He knew that he was the luckiest bastard alive, for nobody got to experience a love like theirs.

Isak was the bright light by the horizon, the anchor in the middle of a whirlpool. He pulled him out of the darkness every single time. And Even could never think of a better reason to live and be alive.

He had managed to stay episode-free for years. But he knew that he would slip eventually. He knew that sometimes it was going to be hard, and that sometimes Isak would get hurt in the process. But after years of holding this boy - man? - in his arms, he realized that what was love if not both beautiful and painful? How high could you reach if you never knew what low felt like? What good was not feeling any pain if it meant not getting to feel love in its purest form?

So he held him in his arms, and melted into his touch, and counted his blessings.

_They’ll write about us, Isak. They’ll write about our love. But you know what, my love? No one will ever come close._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END. If you made it until the end and read the whole thing, please let me give you a hug. THANK YOU and leave a comment so I can express just how much I appreciate you. I'm actually so SO sad to let this universe go. I had originally planned for a slightly more angsty fic, but the characters honestly took me by surprise.  
> .  
> Thank you SO much to every single person who read this story, left kudos and comments, subscribed, bookmarked, and messaged me on tumblr. You have no idea how much it meant to me to read your sweet words and to know that my writing brightened up your day, made you smile or cry, or made you feel anything at all. My favorite thing was reading and replying to comments. You guys were too good to me.  
> I am thinking of writing a New York AU in which they meet, well, in New York. HAhA. I'm also thinking of writing a Hate to Love AU in which they don't hate each other AT ALL. Leave a comment if you think that's a good idea, or leave me prompts (I LOVE PROMPTS)  
> .  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS <33333  
> .  
> EDIT: Oh wow. I got so many comments telling me that this story somewhat restored their faith in love. I don't know what to say? Wow I'm? I guess the message I wanted to convey is that we all deserve love. We just have to fight for it. Perhaps, it won't be as epic. But who cares? We spend so much time nowadays worrying about getting hurt, that we don't allow ourselves to feel things. I'm guilty of this as well, too proud to give in to my feelings. But that's rubbish. Love! Love with everything you have. The worst thing that could happen is you ending up with a broken heart. That's fixable. Broken hearts can be mended and you just end up being stronger <3\. So yeah. Go out there. Be as desperate as Even. Be as caring and loving as Isak. Give yourself a chance. *hugsss* <333333

**Author's Note:**

> Ayeee. Yes, Isak and Vilde are roommates because [this](http://68.media.tumblr.com/1ffda9af29cc8b03a6257e0ccb6a6311/tumblr_ojuis9Ziw21vlbf04o5_r2_250.gif) :p  
> Comments MAKE MY DAY <33333  
> Come say hi at cuteandtwisted.tumblr.com xo


End file.
